It came to the surface
For an anguished, choking breath
A ringing scream
Fighting to go down again
Submerge itself to be dangerous
Once more.

The last thing I felt was

Your hand in my hair

As I was pulled

Into edless night

And the last thing you

Saw me do was

Gasp

Forced full-

Face value

Smile for

A laughing crowd

I will bury my
Picture in
The dark earth for
The worms to
Rip and
The dirt to
consume
My past being
Just a
Young girl with
Unwrinkled skin and
An uncomplicated smile
She is now
Dead and burried and
I am no
Longer in that
Girl's shadow

Didn't think you would,
Break my fall,
Just to break me.
Your words slither,
Across my throat,
They choke me with,
Their thouand truths.
They haunt me with,
Their skeletal smiles.
I tell myself,
I couldn't have known.
Couldn't have seen you,
For what you were.
I know that I,
Can't blame myself,
Can't hate myself,
But I do.

With my paintbrush I,
Erased myself.
With the water I,
Submerged myself.
You took my heart,
Then killed yourself.

I don't know why,
I keep them here.
The towels I used,
To clean up your blood.
They nest inside,
A memory box,
That's filled with,
More pleasant things.
But those gory blotches,
On those once-white towels,
Are a piece of you,
So I hold them.
Every once in a while,
I cry on them,
Like I cried on your shoulder,
As you told me to,
"Rise above."
I'll always wonder,
Why didn't you?

Taut
Your face
Held in
A frown
That darkens
Rooms
Thoughts
Without it
You’d be
Beautiful

Your back has little nitches,
With walking fingers I count the inches.
If I could I'd trace you,
With more than just my hands.
Your eyes have milky silver bands,
Do they lead to other lands?
Or do they lead to you?
Will you stay so long with me,
That you're not thought as new?
I can only hope you do.

They said,

"Don't blink."

I did

Too many times

And you

Sank to

The bottom

Like a

Poison in

My blood

If I could I surely would,
Shake your filth from my shoulders,
Like a bad dream I would forget you,
Stomp you out, prevent the spread,
Of evil thoughts to ruin me,
But you have left me weak.
I cannot fight you,
I cannot protest,
I cannot shut out your words,
Or ***** out my disgust,
I am choked with the dust,
Of the rest of the Forgotten,
And I have ceased to live.

The Broken girl,
In her "Madness,"
"Forgot" her dress was sheer.
With her disconnected smile,
And her empty, empty, eyes,
She went out on the town,
To feed upon the gasps,
Of all the passerby.
She's a beauty,
Awesome body.
Angel's face,
Without the light.
Women, men alike.
They look on her and feast.
Until they see her scars,
Almost dangling,
From her thighs.
The slashes and the gashes,
All made from broken glasses,
In the tub of her apartment,
In the wealthy part of town.
The girl, she loves those slashes,
All those ugly gashes.
They are to her like lovers,
That with pain, lessen pain.
The people look away.
They all just close their hearts,
And look no more upon,
The girl of Silent Screams.

Inside your head there

Are no

Horrors or

Visons anymore

Only the pickly

Sweet and sour

Silence of

The grave

(I will apologize in advance for the childishness of this poem, I was 14 when I wrote it)

I am still
Six years old
Holding your hand
At the zoo
Because you won't
Let me get
Any older

Twitching to

Break in

A sandy sea

drowning in

My love to

Live

Your skin
Is the freezing
Water on my feet
The reason for my
Pain my          
Distance
The only reason
I bleed and
Scream to the trees

You are from that
Perfect world that
Threw me away and
Labeled me as "*****"
And I am
And I want
You to be

I love the darkness,
I hate the cold.
There's nothing left,
For me to hold.
All your love,
You took it back.
And now I face,
The artic blasts,
Of loneliness.
Without the hope of basking,
In your smile.
I guess she'll have you...
For a while.

Your soul is restless,
I can tell.
You're going to leave,
It's just as well.
Please don't say,"You know I care."
My reply will be,
A blank, cold stare.
You've left me here,
With many tears,
My head's submerged,
With all my fears,
They're drowning all my memories,
They start to fade, I fear.
Your laugh will fade,
Your voice will fade,
Your touch will fade,
Your face will fade,
But not your eyes...They will remain.

You said it was
All that you could
Give me
Your eyes begging
For understanding
Your lips parting for
What you could give
But won’t
I don’t dare
To push for it
“We” were impossible
Possibly
I lower my eyes
Nod my head
Grab your finger
To tell you
I will take it
It’s better than
The nothing she prefers
Then you leave me
******
But I now have
Your heart

I feel
Phantom kisses
On my lips and
Everywhere else

All the things I thought we'd be,
All the things  I thought we'd see,
I would hold so close to me!
Were it not for sharpest shards,
Of my shattered dream.
If only you had seen,
All that I had seen,
Would that have brought you back to me?
I saw us happy, smiling,
We weren't crying,
We weren't fighting,
We weren't lying.
I guess that's when it happened,
When it fell apart,
When you heard your heart,
Telling you to leave.
You walked swiftly out the door,
Nothing ever hurt me more.
I cut my hands picking up the shards,
Of my shattered dream.

Things don't
Dissolve
Just
Liquidize and
Spread thinly
They clump in
The recesses
Like the dead
For we are

My childhood was
Filled with
Glass floors
So I could see
How far it was
To fall.

Photo encaged

I grip the sides

To better bite

Your head off

You have the most,
Amazing eyes I've ever seen.
And you will always have them,
Until you cannot have them,
Anymore.

I wish I could

Hold you and

Not think of

Sand of

Sifting and

Slipping

Down and away.

I want this

Hold tangible

So I can

Squeeze and

Feel pain through

Your substance

Unyeilding

She loves boats,
Because
She can get to
The middle of something
Not just
The outside.
She loves the sea
Because
She can’t tell tears
From the spray
That alights her face
Like sad reflections.
She loves solitude
Because
Her hair can mask her face and
She can breathe her words
Through her hands
Without looks.
She loves water
Because
It’s the only thing that
Holds her
The only thing that
Fills her hunger,
For wholeness.
She holds her breath
Because
She loves to breathe
Loves to appreciate
Life.
She taunts death
Because
She’s not scared
To prepare
For her re-fall.

I threw you
Against the wall
Because I knew
You were fragile

Conquered, achieved.
Never, will not, believe,
Forever, always, decieved.
Waiting to be freed,
When I am.

It was my half-life,
Mine to spend,
How I liked.
I squandered it,
In death.

You haunt me,
Torture me,
Warm me, sometimes,
You keep me sane,
Or maybe not...
You bring things up,
That make me wince,
And all the pleasent things,
You make unclear.
You might be my friend today,
You might betray me tomorrow.
And as we walk,
Hand in hand,
My head is bent,
In deepest sorrow.

My heart had many empty places,
So I filled my mind with faces,
And I mixed my life with people.
So few and far between,
Are now the empty places,
They are filled with the happy faces,
Of everyone I've let in.

If hope is rain,
The land is dry.
If it's bird, it cannot fly.
If it's a heart,
It's shot clean through.
I wish I could live life anew.
Can't see without its light.
Can't breathe with out its breath.
Can you walk with half a spine?
Talk with half a jaw?
Could you ever live in life?
Could you ever die in death?

These events will be
The end of your life
In me

I love the smile upon your face.
When everything is out of place,
You are in yours.
Kissing my lips,
With fevered haste,
With that sweet smile,
Upon your face.

She's always winning,
Always ahead.
Always the figure,
Draped on your bed.
She is the one,
By hand that you lead,
Into tender passions,
That I look on with dread.
She is the one,
That kisses your lips,
And deep inside,
I'm cut to the quick.
And everytime you look at me,
Your eyes give silent mockery.
And everytime she looks at me,
She laughs and says, "I won."

All I see is
His nose on
Your face so
All I see
Is him
Sitting across
From me sipping
Coffee in
Bygone days of
Snow and light

I will
Forever cover
The wells of my
Feelings so
You don't fall in
And drown.

Hearts of gold,
In pits of silver.

I dipped my
feet in
Red paint and
Walked into
Your bedroom
To show you
How I feel