I don't know why,
I keep them here.
The towels I used,
To clean up your blood.
They nest inside,
A memory box,
That's filled with,
More pleasant things.
But those gory blotches,
On those once-white towels,
Are a piece of you,
So I hold them.
Every once in a while,
I cry on them,
Like I cried on your shoulder,
As you told me to,
"Rise above."
I'll always wonder,
Why didn't you?

Life’s hurtle is but short,
When you make me believe I leap,
This world seems like a child’s thing,
So easy to control.
My nightmares are so hazy when,
Your chemicals unbalance me.
I laugh at all my demons,
Like there is no danger.
All my worries fade,
Like the faces of my friends.
My mistakes can’t make a mark,
All will be erased.
Erased like the pain from my heart,
Erased like my past life.
Don’t make me face today alone,
Blur my vision with your heady fog.
I want to feel invincible.
I don’t want to feel my fall.

With my paintbrush I,
Erased myself.
With the water I,
Submerged myself.
You took my heart,
Then killed yourself.

Didn't expect it,
Did you?
That the man,
That's yours,
Was hunting me,
Was hurting me.
Didn't expect me to,
Scream at your ignorance,
Pound my fists,
On your disbelief,
Cry for what,
Could have been,
Cry for what,
Could have,
Not been.
Didn't expect it,
Did you?
That you'd have to,
Protect me,
From him.
That you'd have to,
Protect me,
From you.

(This poem is dedicated to all victims of abuse)

You said my eyes,
Splintered light,
Killed it.
You never said you would,
Contribute to the blackness,
That nests inside my heart,
Like a deadly pneumonia,
It grows well in my fear.
Your condemnation,
Makes me smile like the dead.
As I believe I truly am,
Nothing.
At least,
Nothing,
Without you,
My savior that grows the blackness,
And who kills me with every stroke.

My pain drips down these walls,
An acid that you forced on me.
“Could you drown in it?” I wonder…
"Ok" is something I’ll never be.

The pebbles whisper,
Foretelling my coming.
Bubbles ripple,
The water more,
Than my feet,
As they descend.
It grows used,
To my intrusion,
The Earth.
It’s calloused,
It bleeds no more,
From my presence,
I am part,
Of the earth
Composed of it.
Though the trees watch,
Untrusting,
They let me pass,
Into their heart.
Maybe they
Will love me now,
Tell me their secrets,
Share their knowledge,
Teach me to speak,
Make me,
One