Only the closest
people to my heart,
know my love of the
cemetery.
Oh how I yearn
to walk its endless
pathways and through
its fresh-cut prickly grass.
The quietest place on
the whole entire earth.
A symbol of love
and grief all wrapped
together in the black
box of death,
tied with a silver
shining bow
of memories.
And what better than
the cemetery and,
you?

You didn’t even flicker
at my thought of having
a picnic in the cemetery.
And thats when,
I knew.

You walked,

out the door,

whistling blissful tunes.

Back into your,

“normal life,”

your award winning façade.

You play the part,

oh so well.

You got your,

fix,

didnt you?

With each delicate,

careful movement,

you sliced my flesh,

deeper.

Those walls,

forever hold,

the memories,

of my screams.

If only they knew,

the ones in your,

precious fake world,

that with you,

you took,

those last vital,

drops of blood.

That seeped from my veins,

into the once chalk white carpet,

now a deep crimson.

You left me,

lifeless.

Stranded out in the bitter cold
wind slicing up my cheeks
while it slaps me with its icy fingers

Limbs buried in the dense snow
weighed down by the frozen
hopelessness that is as far as the
eye can bare to see

Although weakness threatens me
and death nips at my nose
I beg of all to leave me be,
I dare them

For I know that through the
darkest night of my life
thoughts of you will rush
to comfort me

I think of your piercing eyes
and how the blueness calms me

My mind runs to thoughts of
your lips- to each pure kiss

These frigid fingertips of mine yearn
to be entwined with yours once more

As love awakens in me
the warmth you’ve embedded
into my being multiplies

I find myself free of the icy *******
in a pool of warm hopefulness  

Green emerges from the thousand
shades of melting white
and I know lovely things will grow
from what I have made it through

The sun kisses every inch of me
the way only you do and I know
I can get back to you now.

You loved her so,
more than you  loved me.

I wonder if she was your mistress...

or if in fact I was the other woman after all.

We had many threesomes
full of intoxicating bliss,

but eventually you picked her
over me.

I don't think you'll ever leave her.

It’s hard to fight that
little teeny tiny voice
that softly whispers,
“Starve..”
and when I do fight it,
she ceases to whisper,
now yelling,
frantically screaming,
shouting through
her tears,
“STARVE!”

When I eat it’s like I’m,
hurting her,
killing her.
I feel guilty,
although
she is nasty,
mean,
with never a kind word
to share with me,
unless I listen to her.
Oh how she tempts me,
pretending to befriend me..
complimenting me
while I fight those
hunger pains,
she keeps me
going…

Yet I know I
have to end
our disastrous friendship.
Friend?
She is an,
enemy.

Ah but sometimes,
in the secrecy of my
own fragile mind,
I let her words,
linger…
I push her away,
and she crawls
back to me.
I wish she would
just… leave me be.

Oh Ana,
I’m sorry,
I cannot be friends,
anymore.

Your words- your
indifference,

they turned me to stone.
My heart- my once liquid
insides- are hardened now.

I bet you could capture the envy of Medusa herself.

Reality visited and crushed me to marble bits.
You took a piece with you,
I thought to cherish always.

But you tossed it- me
into the seemingly bottomless ocean
without ever looking back; you wouldn’t dare.

I remain still, unmoving.
I know not of time any longer.

Darkness so endless,
where light is but a distant stranger.

Sound does not travel a journey that far.

This liquid barrier is the only touch I have to comfort me.

I feel a hundred emotions burning in me,
waiting to erupt like lava from the Earth
while I fight to hold them in.

I cannot quite imagine a sorrow
like the one that would drown me
if you were to start a new life like
you say you want to.

The idea runs through me,
a venom that threatens my heart.
I’m choking on the thought.

I think of this, and then look into your eyes.
What would I do if they told me goodbye?
To truly love someone, is unselfish.
Go if you feel that’s your dream.

But I cannot help but wonder
how fast my heart would crumble.
I cannot help but wonder
what those infamous “goodbye” kisses feel like.
A bittersweet taste for the lips.

I've heard a kiss can ****.

maybe more dead walk the earth

than we’re willing to admit

when your heart is just a rotten

slab of meat that hangs in your chest

and you struggle to rise each day

just dragging through the motions of life

your limbs heavy with sorrow

..are you really alive?

I hate parts of me,
because they are from you.
Your presence,
makes me sick.
Hoping daily that you will,
leave and not come back,
I come home,
disappointed yet again.
Screeching nails on glass,
are beautiful,
compared to your voice.  
Your touch,
suffocates me,
like pillows over infants’ lips.
You make me,
*****.

Theres a theory
I hold onto.
One that says
every seven years,
each skin cell in your
body is renewed.

But
I cannot wait that long
to have skin that
hasn’t felt your
fingertips running
down my back,
or your tongue
dancing to the
rhythm of our
breathing.

I cannot wait that long
to have skin that
hasn’t felt your
sweet kisses,
that sent a sugar rush.


But at least
in seven years,
my skin
can forget.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?

This cracked reflection
Haunts me,
Taunts me.
Do they see,
What I see?
If they do,
Lie to me.
This beast before me,
Knows no love.

Oh twisted mirror,
You’ve ruined me so.
They see a pretty face,
With a precious glow.
And if I dare to look
I tremble at the image
You cruely bestow.

Mirror, mirror
On the wall,
Tears knock me
To my knees
Forever I’ll crawl.

I sit upon my bed,
listening to the songs,
of lovers,
words that only they,
would find meaning in,
yet still beautiful to my ears.
Looking out into the,
pitch black night,
through my enormous window.
As the soothing tunes flow,
from my eardrums,
sending a to tickle my heart,
my mind wanders far,
into the depths of wonderland.
Adventures my mind creates,
except I travel alone.
If only these were the days,
of love like Romeo and Juliet,
you’d be sitting beneath my window,
waiting for me,
to travel to wonderland with you.

A drop of you falls from

my left canine tooth

and my tongue receives

its biggest rush.

It comes to mind that

maybe it is not lipstick

that stains my mouth

crimson after all.

As I look down upon you

squirming in your own

personal cherry colored

body paint,

I can barely hold in

a wicked giggle.

I’m not sure if I prefer

the click-clack of my

high heels on the

now contaminated tiles,

or your screams.

Don’t worry,

I’ll lock the door behind me.

Not a breath of air,

to be found in my lungs.

Drowning,

just below the surface,

close enough to see,

the sun,

but not close enough,

to gasp for the air,

I desparately need.

Heavy,

rusted chains,

slicing my ankles,

looks almost like,

red water color paint,

flowing in the current.

Except,

this painting,

isn’t pretty.

Drowning,

inside my own,

sorrows.

Won’t you,

set me free?

You lured me in that night
with words that concealed
the monster you’d unleash.

Then it just-
Hit me.
Like a red block of concrete,
a bone-breaking brick
smashed straight into my face.
With every poisoned syllable
that poured from your mouth,
another jagged tooth
sunk into my flesh.

Disbelief struck the side
of my head like a baseball bat,
while Sorrow tore through
the very flesh of my heart,
a bullet sent from Hell itself.

All of my blood
that once coursed through
my veins for you,
now in puddles on the floor.

You left me,
lifeless.

If your last breath was 
taken
in front of my 
weeping eyes,

my lips would not 
know a
sorrow worse
 than kissing you
for
 the last time. 

Your wounds visible,

and mine bleed on the

inside as yours do onto

the now crimson concrete.

My lips and fingertips are

stained scarlet by your demise,

I still crave you like I used to. 

I won’t let a drop of you go

to waste my darling.

My tongue tastes whats

left of you and I know now

that love is the most sick

form of beauty that I’ve seen.

It's okay,
I'll just look away,
when your eyes meet mine.
For I can not,
handle,
that feeling.
When our gazes meet,
for those overflowing moments,
look away.
The flutters,
in the pit of my stomach,
once beautiful,
now corrupted butterflies,
with their acid wings.
Acid that,
eats away at me.
Stop it,
I tell myself.
Dont you dare,
fall for him again.
But it's,
okay.
When your hand,
grasps mine,
I'll remind myself,
its friendly touch.
I won't let my,
skin,
tingle anymore.
I wish your fingers,
and lips,
left burns,
as reminders.
And really,
it's okay.
When you open up,
your dusty vault of,
feelings,
worries,
fears,
I'll just be there,
for you.
Good friends,
listen.
Your self-disclosure,
does not mean,
I'm special.
And at the end of,
the day,
these long nights awake,
I'll remember,
to ignore it.
That tiny voice,
inside my,
mind,
heart,
that tells me,
*It's okay,
you know he loves you too.

In my dreams – no, more like nightmares
you softly brush my cheek with your hand
before you lean in for the sweetest kiss..
Sometimes you even tell me you were wrong,
that you were wrong to let our love go.
Oh but in my most twisted night terrors
you look into my eyes, right through to my core
and whisper,
“I love you.”

My mind seems to
be an endless
labyrinth of pitch black
passageways
with a different
devil ‘round every
corner.

Mirages paint the
sky-scraping walls that
taunt me endlessly.
Voices fool me with
the lovely melody of
their false words.

It is a
frigid
damp
lonely
journey.
Home to
every
nightmare.

And every single
time I reach that
exit door..
I open
it only to
be faced
with a wall of
BRICK.

Echoes all around me,

coming from every which way,

of evil laughter,

taunting me.

Louder,

stronger,

make it stop.

It comes from within me,

where no one dares to venture.

For in my mind,

it is like a cemetery,

on a cold October night.

There lies,

all of my passed on hopes,

my rotting dreams,

and my buried wishes.

My heart six feet under,

in a ragged coffin,

forgotten.

Dig it up,

save me,

I beg.

There I stand,

at the iron gates,

with nothing more than,

my tortured screams.

No one listens,

no one ever does.

The laughter will never stop,

until I smarten up,

and realize,

I only have myself.

Bright red hickey
branding your neck
I can’t help but stare

Fighting back the tears
I almost ******* hate you

I want to flip the table
scream
but I sit in silence

The sight of it guts me
uppercut to chest
with the sharpest knife

Each word
spilling out
your mouth
disgusting
like maggots
one by one
cuts me deeper

The thought of her
infected lips
kissing you
makes me want to *****

Im not even supposed to care
you make it look so easy

Just let me hate you
because I know I won’t

Drip.

Drop.

Drip,

drop.

Drops,

of blood,

find their homes,

in the marble white,

tiles.

Falling,

from her life-less arm,

that hangs over the edge.

Once clear water,

now crimson red.

Flickering candle light,

illuminates,

her once beautiful face.

Her once rosy cheeks,

now a grey hue.

Her flowing black hair,

which once danced in the water,

now sticks to her,

chilled neck and chest.

Finally,

the voices,

can’t hurt her anymore.

He stalks me,
he is,
everywhere,
I turn.
This monster,
lives inside me,
clawing its way,
through my flesh,
to reach the surface.
And when he does,
moments pass,
like lifetimes.
Racing heart,
thumping so loudly,
it may rip,
right out,
my chest.
Sweating skin,
so unbearably hot,
as if a scorching iron,
was melting each layer.
Stomach,
feeling so empty,
so hollow,
like a well,
leading down,
to the pits of hell.
I can barely,
breathe.
Lungs,
unable to,
inhale,
exhale,
repeat.
Shaking limbs,
like my own personal,
earthquake.
Nausea,
overwhelms me,
like im looking,
in the mirror.
But now I know,
he doesnt come to play,
when I’m with loved ones,
they keep him away.
He likes to,
attack,
when I’m alone.
Especially,
alone,
when others,
are in packs.
He likes an audience,
for his sick,
twisted,
games.
He lurks in the shadows,
then sneaks up,
from behind.
Blindfolds me,
blade to throat,
threatening,
always.

ice-cold to the touch

a heart of stone, you’re bloodless

that is what you are

I can see you
standing down there
feet hidden by
the over growing
blades of grass,
I just can't wait
to get to you.
You're looking
up at me,
from the bottom
of the hill,
hands patiently waiting
in the pockets
of your blue jeans.
The smile you
so casually flash me
is brighter, warmer
than the sun itself.
I can't stand
not being by your side
for a moment longer.
Do I just,
jump, dive?
I close my eyes
and count,
1...2...3
And now im
tumbling,
absolutely falling,
for you

I look at the way raindrops

slide down the glass of

my bedroom windows

and I wonder if they love it

as much as I adore when

your fingertips slide down

my skin almost the same way.

If I were glass and you

were water,

I’d wish for rain everyday.

Wandering through
this labyrinth

I'm scared there's..
no way out.

Put out your hands,
close your eyes,
here I have a big surprise,
is that how the old saying goes?

But I mean it,
take this.
I’ll rip open my chest,
and let the blood spill into,
your cupped hands.
With each drop,
I profess my love.

And meanwhile,
my tattered skin,
with its gaping hole,
reveals my tortured heart.
Maybe now,
that you see it beating,
you understand,
how I feel for you.

But I know,
it’s too much.
Go on now,
wash your hands of me.

While I lay here
blades of grass tickle
my feet

Sun shining brightly
warming my face
with its cheer

And the wind blows
just enough
to rustle the leaves

Maybe if I close
my eyes
for a moment

I can imagine
someone lovely
sharing this with me

You stole it
from me,
my most favorite
season of all.
You crumpled up
the pictures I
created in my mind,
and burned them
in the fire of
my pain.
Now I am alone,
to gather pumpkins
in the chilled breeze,
in silence instead
of laughter.
The haunted hay rides
will be far less
terrifying,
than the night you
left me.
I wear a mask
everyday now,
numbing my
excitement for
this years costume.
Wherever I am,
all dressed up
I'll remember how
I was supposed to
be with you.

You left me,
when the seasons changed.
You followed summer,
right out of my life.

I am now alone,
my heart turning colder
with the weather.

I used to crave your lips,

I used to live to kiss them sweetly.

Now I

want to bite them off of your face.

I want to watch you bleed

on the outside,

like I did on the inside.

My words feed from the flesh
that gives them strength, my pain

I let the writer in me die,
suffocated by my joy

In a world of sunshine
still the darkness creeps in

It is so frigid in the shade

When all have turned away
from the lifeless poet,
her fingers twitch at last

Reborn to pour her soul
onto paper with words
whether blissful or wretched

She awakens.

I slip on
a pretty mask,
hiding it all
away.

Each day that passes

you will love her more

and you will love me less

until I've faded from your

consciousness.

I can either let it
consume me and
destroy me and
s w a l l o w
me whole

or I can continue
on about my days
with new faces and
old faces and laughter
to mend my heart

Just know
I can never rid myself
of the love I had for you,
traces of it forever
flowing through my veins.

The time will pass us regardless

so why watch it go by (in tragedy)

instead of running with it? (an adventure)

Craving,

the feel,

of fingertips,

or a beautiful set,

of lips,

along my hips,

inner thighs.

Wishing you,

would drive me,

wild.

Clutching,

fist fulls of sheets,

while you,

tease me.

Delicate line,

between love,

and hate.

Your tongue,

sends the lonliness,

away.

This time I swear to you
there are NO words
to convey my sorrow

I can barely make it
through today
Without you
there is no tomorrow

I am devastated
desolate
you could even
say i'm ruined

Perhaps you'll
read the definitions
to capture the
dark language
in which im fluent

Instead of using useless words
that will only come up short

I should just spill
my blood
right onto this page
to this I have had
to resort.

She drops her,
towel,
to the floor.

Her mirror,
screams,
*eat nothing more!

Hating you I do not do.

My own self is who my anger lies with now.

For it is of my own will that when I think of you- see you

that I do not feel whole;

it is like a piece of me is missing, just out of reach, maybe even dead.

I feel different now.

I have somehow picked up my shattered pieces and glued

them back together,

yet it feels as though they are arranged differently now..

I am uncertain if you took a part of me with you,

or if I put it in your pocket.

Or better yet there remains a possibility it roams endlessly, alone, with no set destination,

maybe even searching for the pieces of you it once knew.

I remain in the corner of my mind,

crying inside, screaming, clawing at a way out, yearning for that missing piece of me- you.

Theres a wind
present in each
of our lives..
The calmest breeze
can blow people
right into our path,
and a trecherous one
can whisk people away
in an instant.
We're all just
leaves in the Fall,
and only the
wind
knows all.

You
******
my scarlet
blood
right out
from
my veins.

And the more I lied,
about not loving you,
the more it hurt.
But I did it,
for myself.
And every word,
that spilled out my lips,
was like blood,
from an uppercut.
But to tell the truth,
I rather that pain,
than the one I felt that night.
Because that night,
I gave it all,
and you gave it all,
right back.
So I’ll face you,
and our friends each day,
like my heart is,
was,
never sore.
But each day,
it ***** the life from me,
right from my very core.

Peeling back my layers,
effortlessly.
Exposing deeper thoughts,
things I do not normally,
share.
Like you’ve injected my veins,
with a magic syrum.
One that makes me tell you all,
blessing,
or disease?
Your eyes look into me,
pulling the deepest waters to shore.
I find myself,
walking this tightrope of emotion.
I warn myself,
“Don't look down.”
Never would I want to tumble,
to my death,
in that raging sea of love.

Slice open the flesh
of my abdomen,
to release the butterflies,
its all so calm now.
Stitch me up,
sew me shut,
make me whole again.
Maybe that’s what
love is after all,
knowing you still
hold that scalpel
and trusting you not
to rip open my
stitches.

I miss you
sometimes.
Usually when its
the darkest out,
and the quietest,
that ache
creeps into my
chest.
But you
wouldn’t know
the feeling.

Trying to **** blood from stone,

will it ever bleed?

I quietly sink into the blackness; I am being ****** down into the quicksand of midnight.

There are no screams of mine to silence.

I beg the darkness to take me now.

I shall know no more sorrow, once my heart ceases to beat.

Swiftly take me darling, oh how handsome Death is.

hands covered in blood

covering the gaping hole

you left in my chest

I have wept in endless meadows

while I have plucked

the petals of every single flower

that I have laid my fingers upon

and each time they tell me,

“He loves me not,”

I find another flower.

And then she was gone
lost
ran away,
with the wind.

If you listen closely
whispers
you can hear her,
within rustling leaves.

All she ever wanted
love
but each door,
was slammed shut.

So she faded away slowly
dissolved
evermore she’ll roam,
melancholy amid the wind.