You can't just

keep me on your shelf

waiting..

And the more I lied,
about not loving you,
the more it hurt.
But I did it,
for myself.
And every word,
that spilled out my lips,
was like blood,
from an uppercut.
But to tell the truth,
I rather that pain,
than the one I felt that night.
Because that night,
I gave it all,
and you gave it all,
right back.
So I’ll face you,
and our friends each day,
like my heart is,
was,
never sore.
But each day,
it ***** the life from me,
right from my very core.

Bright red hickey
branding your neck
I can’t help but stare

Fighting back the tears
I almost ******* hate you

I want to flip the table
scream
but I sit in silence

The sight of it guts me
uppercut to chest
with the sharpest knife

Each word
spilling out
your mouth
disgusting
like maggots
one by one
cuts me deeper

The thought of her
infected lips
kissing you
makes me want to *****

Im not even supposed to care
you make it look so easy

Just let me hate you
because I know I won’t

I sit upon my bed,
listening to the songs,
of lovers,
words that only they,
would find meaning in,
yet still beautiful to my ears.
Looking out into the,
pitch black night,
through my enormous window.
As the soothing tunes flow,
from my eardrums,
sending a to tickle my heart,
my mind wanders far,
into the depths of wonderland.
Adventures my mind creates,
except I travel alone.
If only these were the days,
of love like Romeo and Juliet,
you’d be sitting beneath my window,
waiting for me,
to travel to wonderland with you.

She drops her,
towel,
to the floor.

Her mirror,
screams,
*eat nothing more!

Put out your hands,
close your eyes,
here I have a big surprise,
is that how the old saying goes?

But I mean it,
take this.
I’ll rip open my chest,
and let the blood spill into,
your cupped hands.
With each drop,
I profess my love.

And meanwhile,
my tattered skin,
with its gaping hole,
reveals my tortured heart.
Maybe now,
that you see it beating,
you understand,
how I feel for you.

But I know,
it’s too much.
Go on now,
wash your hands of me.

Not a breath of air,

to be found in my lungs.

Drowning,

just below the surface,

close enough to see,

the sun,

but not close enough,

to gasp for the air,

I desparately need.

Heavy,

rusted chains,

slicing my ankles,

looks almost like,

red water color paint,

flowing in the current.

Except,

this painting,

isn’t pretty.

Drowning,

inside my own,

sorrows.

Won’t you,

set me free?

Let's be like the birds,
up,
up in the sky.
Who sing beauitful songs,
to those who pass by.

Lets be like the birds,
who fly free with out care.
I wonder how they feel,
soaring all the way up there.

Oh lets be like the birds,
who aren't ever alone.
For birds find one mate,
for a lifetime,
and together they roam.

Its is,

the raging red,

matter,

coursing through,

my veins.

It's okay,
I'll just look away,
when your eyes meet mine.
For I can not,
handle,
that feeling.
When our gazes meet,
for those overflowing moments,
look away.
The flutters,
in the pit of my stomach,
once beautiful,
now corrupted butterflies,
with their acid wings.
Acid that,
eats away at me.
Stop it,
I tell myself.
Dont you dare,
fall for him again.
But it's,
okay.
When your hand,
grasps mine,
I'll remind myself,
its friendly touch.
I won't let my,
skin,
tingle anymore.
I wish your fingers,
and lips,
left burns,
as reminders.
And really,
it's okay.
When you open up,
your dusty vault of,
feelings,
worries,
fears,
I'll just be there,
for you.
Good friends,
listen.
Your self-disclosure,
does not mean,
I'm special.
And at the end of,
the day,
these long nights awake,
I'll remember,
to ignore it.
That tiny voice,
inside my,
mind,
heart,
that tells me,
*It's okay,
you know he loves you too.

And now we just pretend,
you never said,
those words.

You walked,

out the door,

whistling blissful tunes.

Back into your,

“normal life,”

your award winning façade.

You play the part,

oh so well.

You got your,

fix,

didnt you?

With each delicate,

careful movement,

you sliced my flesh,

deeper.

Those walls,

forever hold,

the memories,

of my screams.

If only they knew,

the ones in your,

precious fake world,

that with you,

you took,

those last vital,

drops of blood.

That seeped from my veins,

into the once chalk white carpet,

now a deep crimson.

You left me,

lifeless.

Craving,

the feel,

of fingertips,

or a beautiful set,

of lips,

along my hips,

inner thighs.

Wishing you,

would drive me,

wild.

Clutching,

fist fulls of sheets,

while you,

tease me.

Delicate line,

between love,

and hate.

Your tongue,

sends the lonliness,

away.

F
  a
   l
l
   i
     n
      g

into concrete,
and you wouldn’t even catch me.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip,

drop.

Drops,

of blood,

find their homes,

in the marble white,

tiles.

Falling,

from her life-less arm,

that hangs over the edge.

Once clear water,

now crimson red.

Flickering candle light,

illuminates,

her once beautiful face.

Her once rosy cheeks,

now a grey hue.

Her flowing black hair,

which once danced in the water,

now sticks to her,

chilled neck and chest.

Finally,

the voices,

can’t hurt her anymore.

I hate parts of me,
because they are from you.
Your presence,
makes me sick.
Hoping daily that you will,
leave and not come back,
I come home,
disappointed yet again.
Screeching nails on glass,
are beautiful,
compared to your voice.  
Your touch,
suffocates me,
like pillows over infants’ lips.
You make me,
*****.

Echoes all around me,

coming from every which way,

of evil laughter,

taunting me.

Louder,

stronger,

make it stop.

It comes from within me,

where no one dares to venture.

For in my mind,

it is like a cemetery,

on a cold October night.

There lies,

all of my passed on hopes,

my rotting dreams,

and my buried wishes.

My heart six feet under,

in a ragged coffin,

forgotten.

Dig it up,

save me,

I beg.

There I stand,

at the iron gates,

with nothing more than,

my tortured screams.

No one listens,

no one ever does.

The laughter will never stop,

until I smarten up,

and realize,

I only have myself.

He stalks me,
he is,
everywhere,
I turn.
This monster,
lives inside me,
clawing its way,
through my flesh,
to reach the surface.
And when he does,
moments pass,
like lifetimes.
Racing heart,
thumping so loudly,
it may rip,
right out,
my chest.
Sweating skin,
so unbearably hot,
as if a scorching iron,
was melting each layer.
Stomach,
feeling so empty,
so hollow,
like a well,
leading down,
to the pits of hell.
I can barely,
breathe.
Lungs,
unable to,
inhale,
exhale,
repeat.
Shaking limbs,
like my own personal,
earthquake.
Nausea,
overwhelms me,
like im looking,
in the mirror.
But now I know,
he doesnt come to play,
when I’m with loved ones,
they keep him away.
He likes to,
attack,
when I’m alone.
Especially,
alone,
when others,
are in packs.
He likes an audience,
for his sick,
twisted,
games.
He lurks in the shadows,
then sneaks up,
from behind.
Blindfolds me,
blade to throat,
threatening,
always.

Peeling back my layers,
effortlessly.
Exposing deeper thoughts,
things I do not normally,
share.
Like you’ve injected my veins,
with a magic syrum.
One that makes me tell you all,
blessing,
or disease?
Your eyes look into me,
pulling the deepest waters to shore.
I find myself,
walking this tightrope of emotion.
I warn myself,
“Don't look down.”
Never would I want to tumble,
to my death,
in that raging sea of love.