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Oct 2014 · 1.1k
1:09 am
Gabriella Jane Oct 2014
I found a home in your hands
and took refuge in your words
A knight in shining armor, it seemed almost too good to be true.
I observed as your charming indie boy facade faded fast and you shed your sheep clothing.
Ill tempered with glazed over eyes
Your hand would tighten around my throat
We both talked of death
sleeping
*******
smoking
You promised me the world
But did not hesitate when you pulled the rug from out underneath me.
"How can you put your faith into what the stars say?"
And I  simply replied
"Because they were there every night for me when God wasn’t."
The nights when I would pray to just be taken away from it all, to make the incessant arguing stop.
Asking questions as to:
Why I had to walk in on my mother with a man who wasn’t my father?
Why I had to pull the barrel out of my father’s mouth and watch him weep?
Or why my cat, who seemed to be my only friend in the world had been ran over that summer?
A sudden realization that I’d rather put my faith into a zodiac calendar instead of sitting in a church pew.
How did I get here?
I blinked once and I was forced to grow up, the world had grown become cruel and cold, and in times like these a void expanded in my chest so heavily that I questioned where my real faith needed to be.
Your attempt to dictate my spirit only made me rebel more.
You would preach how women should act a certain way
That maybe I should wear less makeup
And wear longer skirts to protect not only my but "our virtue"
You said homosexuality was a sin
Claiming a couple of the same *** could never truly lie down at night and love each other.
"Let Christ into your life and you'll be forgiven" you'd say
"Like when you told me about that girl you kissed on the lips last summer." As we sat in pulse stopping silence for the rest of my family dinner.
So what you are really implying here, is if you're save by grace it's okay to be an *******?
If you always hurting the one's you love
You might as well become a self proclaimed narcissist instead of a self righteous ******* son of your God.
Nov 2013 · 1.1k
mine
Gabriella Jane Nov 2013
soft hearted boy,
we kiss and it was nothing like fireworks
nothing like electricity surging through our veins
it was more like gallons of warm water
engulfing us.

flannel sheets on bare skin in november
we spill into one another
vulnerable
a vague remembrance of my childhood home
i can taste it in your kiss
lonesome crowded chest
learning how to be again.
Nov 2013 · 427
muse
Gabriella Jane Nov 2013
Your private heart is pure, with light beaming from the youthful cracks.
I can hear those thoughts tip-toe around inside your head
Five whispered confessions
At four in the morning
Three words slip from your lips
The two of us tucked away under blankets
And how I want to be one of the only things
You can't imagine your life without.
Oct 2013 · 777
s t a y
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
Fall into the subtleties of another's mind
Deep dark secrets project out the back of your skull
I do believe eyes are genuinely windows into the soul
A touch that leaves you intoxicated
A gentleness so underrated
Please stay under these sheets a little longer
I beg
You are like a nap on a summers day
Like the sun warming my face
I never want to lose this feeling
Won't you stay awhile?
Oct 2013 · 477
being human
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
Dry swallow these pills just like you did your pride
These hands clumsier than this manic heart of mine

I wouldn’t mind being your morning coffee
Sleepy, warm, against your lips.

I tried to be a flower
attempted to be a kiss
trying not to be disappointed because
I’m still only human.
Oct 2013 · 536
s c a r s
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
They say when people leave your life
They continue to live in your heart
I guess that explains all the time I’ve spent clawing at this chest of mine
Tired to drown my problems
But those ******* learned how to swim
Ripped you off like a bandaid
But somehow your mark, remained there.

Scars
Scattered
From being touched by certian people
Let’s contrast
Let’s compare
I’m a very small thing existing in this very big world
And I don’t know if I can be alone much longer.
Oct 2013 · 435
o c t o b e r
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
Words are only as lonely as you make them
My hands are cold, will you love me anyway?
I sliced off a chunk of my heart to give to you
But you only complained because the blood stained your shoes.

Shallow graves
Shallow hearts
Pick me ups
And fall a parts
These knees black and blue from falling down your priority list
Its time to disappear for awhile
I want to disappear.
Oct 2013 · 459
this old record
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
Kiss me quick like the seconds of static
Before the needle hits the groove.

I sigh defeatedly when I am reminded of the last time
Your lips, brushed up against mine.

I am tired of watching this blue record spin
Now it only reminds me of your eyes

When will you ever learn?
When will you stop romanticizing things that hurt?
Oct 2013 · 432
p a r a l y z e d
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
picture you and I intertwined
picture you and I fusing at the seams
picture you and I consuming one another
picture something better
move on
nothing but faint memories
gasps
sighs
out loud
your fingertips were the worse thing to ever happen to me
they were
oh, they were
love me
paralyze me
you’ve snapped my spine
in more places than you ever known
left me immobile
stricken
stuck
Oct 2013 · 775
100
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
100
I kissed the air and knew you had never been here
maybe one day we would share the same air

If I yell from the highest building in my city
and you yell from the highest building in your city
Will the screams ever meet?
It's one hundred degrees and I can barely hear the record player over every fan thats blowing
I haven't moved all day
I'm starting to think this mattress has taken a real liking to me
Bringing me reoccurring dreams of you gently kissing my knees.

Sometimes these stitches get so tight
I can hardly open my mouth
all my wisdom teeth are falling out
So many unimportant things our bodies create
only to be removed
only to stop the pain.
Oct 2013 · 359
p u r g e
Gabriella Jane Oct 2013
I seem to have sipped on too many glasses of your name
now it's all over the bathroom floor

Reduced to a puddle of "I'm sorry's" and "Oh no's"
My sadness is not a wound for you to heal
or scrapped knees for you to kiss

Bones brittle like your words
promises like radio static

I wish I knew the shades of your intentions
Your words in the dark.

— The End —