As I lay in bed,
I wait,
I wait for a call, even a text.
But as several weeks pass by,
I'm losing signs of hope.
Do I even enter your mind?
Do you ever stop to think of your "Little girl?"
I guess you don't
You think being a dad is just a joke.
But to me it's much more,
You just walked out the door.
But i will be the real man and say,
I hope to see you again,
some day....

With every hug and kiss you gave I could smell the alcohol pour from your mouth and seep through my pale, white, delicate skin...you once said the bottle was your best friend.
      
Mom always told me addiction was the work of the devil and I wish it was a lie but father when I looked you in the eyes..I saw a completely different guy.
    
I would go days on end craving for your attention...hoping you'd care about your little girl instead of your "drinking condition".
    
Look at me. Notice me. Love me father. I can't help but to scream, shout and hollar. Hear me out for I am your daughter.
    
Ik you get angry and I know you get upset...but father please put your fists of steal to rest.
    
Can't you see that I'm hurt and confused? I want to be loved but instead I've become abused & bruised.

So what is your reason for coming back all of the sudden? When at a time you couldn't be a father...couldn't even be a husband?

Ik that you're a changed man but do I have a change of heart? To throw the past away and begin with a fresh start?

Break these chains of misery that have become apart of me, I can no longer bare the sight of my own self defeat.
I wish not to be a slave due to insecurity, for I am blossoming in manners that are not always certain or true to the average eye.
I desire the most to live by the standards of what I call self-fulfillment. Quick to disappoint but rather needed to become open minded about the actuality of a versatile yet conformative world.
Tell me this doesn't hurt and I will not believe such a lie for it is pain experienced by the weight of these chains that cause your deepest thoughts of self regret and neglect.
So for once, I attempt to look past my self doubt only to be met by a familiar taste of failure.
Experiencing a never ending cycle of uncertainty, I see the light of your guidance and I am told "you are beautiful, you are strong, you are broken... because you are human."

As you sleep,
I sit beside you on the couch,
A hard day of work you had,
Just so you could put food on the table,
even though we aren't money rich....
you still manage to meet our needs.
Even though your a single mother,
you havent given up on us.
You are my hero,
My savior,
My role model,
I thank you for all the things you have done,
Just to make your little girl's happy,
Though i don't say this much ..
I hope you know that,
mom,I love you.

Empty all these troubles out my mind,
All I want is peace.
Stop these talks behind my back,
All I want is peace.
I try and take away all these thoughts....
But its like my memories are whispering in my ear.
I'm at my final straw...
I have no one to help,
No one to call..
I have been tough like a rock
strong through it all
But I'm about done.....
this weight I have on my back feels like a ton.
It's like I can't even breathe
I guess I will never have what I want,
What I need...
All I ask for is a little peace.

Real depression strikes again
You can tell by the scars on my skin.
I didn't want to become the person I am intentionally.
But..
I still lay in bed knowing It's time to get up.
The same lifeless expression stays glued to my face as I stare out into..nothing.
The same pillow that has collected thousands of my tears from all the sadness..that I still lay on.
And yet the same girl just with a new perspective.

Tell me why I can't find happiness any longer?
Why is it that I handle my stress with a bottle of liquor in one hand and something to smoke, in the other?
Tomorrow it will repeat and I will become sad once again.
But for now as I lay on the couch buzzed from a couple shots of ***** and relieved from the music of the ** ..
I find my state of happiness.
Tell me why I'm sad.
I just don't know.