I see her on most Saturday nights
standing behind that counter
She hands out Coke and pop corn
to people speaking, seeking their dreams.

She gently wraps hot dogs in white paper napkins
taking care not to let mustard and ketchup drip
And she watches as the people disappear from view
in a futile search for their dreams.

A tear falls from her unmade-up eye
and rests on her cheek like a tattoo or a clown
She can feed the hunger of the hunters
but can only wait for her own dream.

'One day he’ll come,' she tells herself,
'and take me away from Cornettos and this.
Dry roasted nuts will be no more
when my knight comes for me...

'I’ll know as soon as I see his face
that he is the one - the dream.'
Then I see the ring, so I smile and flush
and sigh, for the dream is lost.

I see her still, my Butterkist girl,
but she no longer smiles with my Coke.
I take a straw and leave her standing there
I must search for my own dream.

I wandered through streets of bars and faces
I did not know my name.
People smiled with pity as I stumbled by
I did not know my place
I was lost in an ancient land of dreams
I did not know where
And so I ran to shelter and cried
I did not know why
A voice spoke to me from the blackness
I did not know whose
I asked them to help me
I did not know how
They told me I was safe, I was home
I did not know.

What are you thinking?
  (Why I can’t tell you that it’s all a lie)
- Oh nothing really.
- What do you feel?
  (Nothing for you but I’m frightened to say)
- I feel good
- What are you saying?
  (Lies from beginning to end because I’m afraid)
- The truth.

I long to feel your lips on mine
Once more my departed love
I wait all day for the time to come
When we can again be as one.

I think of you when I’m alone
Whenever you are not there
I think of you in your faraway home
That lies I know not where

I say to myself in solitude
That one day we will be two
But curious thing, we were never one
For I have never met you.

Every night as I sit alone
I look to the stars and cry
I wish I had my own true life
Not another’s memory.
      
Every girl I’ve ever loved
Can be found in black and white
Printed on the pages of a magazine
But never in real life.

Fade away gracefully into the past,
What we had could never last.
Feelings come and go too fast.
We couldn’t carry on…

Steps back, a simple safe retreat,
Acceptance of a soft defeat -
My heart for you no longer beats.
We couldn’t carry on…

Goodbyes are easier than first thought;
The web of passion that our souls caught
Would in the end come all to naught.
We couldn’t carry on…

Must letters be written and lies be told
How we still sense those feelings of old
When in truth white-hot has now turned cold?
We couldn’t carry on…

So go, leave now, go far away.
In memory only can our love stay -
Think not of me, it's better that way...
We were never meant for long.

Ripples running away from me
disturbing the cool water around.
My splash is heard by the trees and the birds
But by none who can offer help.
At first I panic, thrash madly,
as a thrush flutters on the breeze.
More waves are caused by the actions
But still I flap and scream.

Not a soul can hear me;
the woods are a wilderness, deserted.
Everything hidden by the low dense cloud,
It stops my sight short and muffles my voice.
So I wait drifting with the current
no longer reaching for a hold,
Confident I’ll be found and saved
Dried out and sent home happy.

The minutes soon become hours though
and still there is no help.
I give up counting depressing time.
I don’t want to know how long.
My skin starts to wrinkle with wetness
like a dried fruit in a plastic bag;
My nails soften in the water
But still trap **** and other life.

My faith in human nature
starts to fade and recede.
I try calling out once more
A strange fear forcing the action
I now grab, frantic, at anything in reach
Losing what little strength's left
And the weight of the water in my clothes
And body is dragging me down.

Finally I realise what’s happening to me
is I am sinking, drowning - and fast.
I am dying and there is nothing
I can do myself to stop it.
Inevitable, unpreventable death that I
now accept as being my destiny,
I close my eyes and try to help
By thinking heavy thoughts.

Running over in my head all the reasons
why it may be better this way -
As death is certain this is academic
But strangely seems to help.
If one can find the good in Death
it’s not so unattractive.
I no longer worry, I am resigned
It is my choice to die.

So I just lie back and wait for
embrace even my forthcoming Death
And then I hear a sound prayed for weeks ago
But dreaded and hated as I am now
Footsteps coming towards me that I try to ignore
(and ignore their voices too)
And a hand reaches for me, grasps mine
They think I should be happy to be saved

But they cannot see I don’t want to be saved
from the Death I was so close to and wanted.
I welcomed it, I willed it, to
Come and release me from the pain
Now I am safe I must endure once more
the suffering, and accept Death again.
So here I am alive and well
Trapped in the prison of life.

We talked,
but did not say anything.
We expressed,
but did not mean anything.
We demonstrated,
but did not show anything.
We recoiled,
but did not feel anything.
We promised,
but did not do anything.

We do not have anything.