Just let the dude think he is the Alpha male, stay quiet and show you're the real Alpha later.

The cliques are fake, the gathering is only insecurities that co dependent people use to make the outsider feel bad and make themselves feel better for no reason at all. Humanity forgets that we are all disposable including the top manager. I am the clique here.  Break up the groups! Don't let them gossip. One will run.

Is it me? Am I the problem? I expect so much attention and love and I cant get any, I speak with haste and say words that offend by speaking facts. Your a *** head! Arnt you not? Facts. **** effects mental clarity doesn't it not? Your pushing me out. Im unshackling now. God grant me the strength to endure codependency. If it is time to go, then let me be graceful about it. Let me love the ones who hate me just like you loved. Im not super human like you, my resentments **** me slowly. Let me find my way again. F#$% being lost in this dessert for 41 years, let me see the promise land. Forgive my sins please.

Why do I have to brawl with my brother. He is my best friend. I worry that he is not taking advantage of his youth and being studious. I worry that he waste time on mundane, life ******* games that have no merit, How I wish that he would consider how I feel and go to college to appease me. The fight made me ill , I am nauseous and sad about it. My heart feels broken and mangled and I got nightmares from a character called The Terrifier that I have never seen because I know that it is a disgusting movie. I read in Eat Pray Love, that in order to be happy you have to keep happy even during trying times. "keep even your liver smiling". I am tryin to but thinking about how unfortunate the night was, makes me sick.

God, you said that you would defend me when I was shamed that you would shame those that try to harm to me. I feel alone and that is not okay. I'm living the part you said you would do without obeying. I have been as obedient as I could, and I get it. I guess this is what is expected, the only thing is that did you not say, "for if I am with you who could be against you?" So then why am I still going through this? Have you turned away? What is in my mind drives me crazy, but what's in my heart draws me closer to God. My friends in my heart lead me to sin. Where are you holy spirit? I go and walk and you're not close enough. I miss you and I need you, come to me and stay close help me with my friends. I don't want to lose you. I love you and you're not close enough. Sin is bigger come to me get enormous, bigger than this sin. Amen

I believe in Jesus. My testimony is unreal. I've been gay for a long time. It is a conundrum. God is all forgiving. I know that I'm forgiven.  I believe that Jesus is the son of God. I have a choice, and I make my choices often, I pray for forgiveness it feels pretty convicting. Part of religion is to constantly be in the scriptures, I do not do that. This is a very uncomfortable expression. I ask for forgiveness. Sometimes I wonder have I ever felt sorry because I use the word so sparingly. I want to repent, and I want to live my life with God and overcome this world.

Mara your name actually means bitter in Hebrew. Yourself righteous and I don't know your walls, but I feel your being very judgy. I don't know where you're coming from. It was supposed to be a photo shoot, instead in turned into something else. A share, with it disgrace. I see your photos of that day your beautiful and without disdain, they must have been before the bombshell that made you shift for the fallout that came this way. See you soon my friend.

Scattered brain brings panic. I have this idea, I have that idea, none of them feel safe. Toxicity creeps it's way in and I have to figure out in outlet that will be safe.

God, help with my day. Let me focus on work and whatever is important.

Someone telling me that someone is dating a Millionaire, was not intentional to hurt me but maybe, I don't know all that well. I swear there has to be a sweet revenge for me after learning this. I am not hurt this feels like I am ramping up for some big success, because I know that I won't stand for that. I do not want to give anyone any credit for making me feel a certain way. This year I felt pretty ugly. I do not want to feel ugly no more so I am intentionally making my self beautiful by getting a hair a cut and dressing nice. I am surrounding my self with what  I love and putting God first.

"Remove vanities and lies, give me neither poverty nor riches feed me with food convenient for me."

it is so frustrating to think that we can never be friends. my body hurts from stressing a relationship with you that doesn't bloom.

There's something special here. An open heart and open ears, my life and struggles, no worries and no troubles. It is easy to lose sight  and to live through emotions. So easy to lose what's important for things small and pleasurable. I do not want a life of regret I have to many of those already. I know how to carry these struggles. My only God showed me. Still I keep adding mistakes. I have so many. I say my issues do not have consequences even if the strictures say they do. In reality I face them so. Why is it that I find it hard to live holy? I fear that God has let death take me. I have never been happy (that is a lie, i have felt joy.) When I laugh and smile  I fear it is wicked. Have i gone mad? Please Lord God  I beg you on my knees, please forgive me and restore me. Amen

I was born in El Salvador. A C section baby that was told his told whole life that I almost killed my mom at birth, only to find out that it was normal C section procedure so many years later. I don't think anyone will understand what that lie did to me. I don't know how I feel about that. My parents brought me to America when I was two years old. When I immigrated through some, body of water, whoever was carrying me dropped me in it and that's all I remember from that life event.

I am so over it all. The car, The haunted apartment. These ghost wont cross over. I wish they would wash the dishes, can these ghost help pay rent and sweep and mop! I hope there able to read this because **** its enough dealing with the live ones here.

I wish i could write a song as good as yours , I wish i could tell a tale of lovers passed. Mine is more never had one. Those Ex's weren't even real. I lost my train of thought again thinking bout you and home made apple pie and ice cream. How i wish this song would make sense because my true love was always pie , apple, peaches, pumpkin pie. I like hanging out  and remembering of what never was  just late at night and my pillow and Jesus. talking to the saints and hope they would talk back and say something , something good and maybe the sweet smell of pumpkin pie and ice cream.  Here is one then:

I remember I first met you and you had it all down. you walked passed me in a red sweater. I wonder if you still have that. Not really I have never wondered that. All the pain of a lip pierced through rushes through my veins. Your suppose to be my best friend.  We had great nights with the kids your sister let us baby sit and now there all so grown. If only we had a red truck and it was Christmas time and we were shopping for a tree in some woodsy state like Oregon ad then and that starry night it began to snow and maybe it glistened, but that never happened Instead we had a green truck and the more we got older the lesser of life we had even though we spent it together almost all the time. What I remember now is that we smoked and drank coffee liquor like nothing. Your favorite thing to act and dance, I always thought it was to much. You opened my eyes to see how important it is to let people be themselves. It was to late for that then. My heart is still wounded that i don't see you anymore but its better his way. God knows. I don't know.