I have not shaved in three days, I don't think it looks bad, but my hair is a bit long. I want a fade. Fade away into a blissful meeting with God. Where he warms my body with his love.

My desire pushes everyone away. I don't want to push anyone away. I am attracted to people who do not want anything serious. They only want to play. I care so much that it becomes desperation. In attempt at love seems missed and I am left with regret and rejection. So what's the point in looking when there is no one there for me. Only that of some cocky, better than me man. Missed opportunity, missed chance but was it ever.

I really hope that Leviathan is waking up.
I really hope that it's not scary, and if it is oh well.
I really hope that whoever doubts is scared and if they have to face him I hope that I can see their faces.

Sometime's when I am Here. I can't stand it, but lately you bring me joy underneath this tree trunk and roots that fall from the sky, it is a wonderful place at times and at times I want to escape. When I am gone I slightly dread the drive here but once I am here sourrounded by all this magic and all these complex characters that are flustered and that are joyful  or emotional. I will truly miss it.

I come to work to be greeted by a bunch of prideful people. There superior gazes make me uncomfortable. I asked one what is for lunch? the response classic "Puh, I don't have time to respond to that" I looked at them disgusted by the answer provided. I have to remind my self to be calm and be respectful even when someone test me. At some point in mid life people seem to get grumpy. I have to work really hard to stay joyful.

My desire turns on me. It make's me look desperate. When all I want is to be liked by someone. I open up to quick and that scares the person.

I can't tell you when it started. My ears ring when bad thoughts are thought of me, I sense them and my ears ring. I don't confront because what is the point of sounding crazy of an outburst demanding "why don't you say that out loud to my face?" My ears ring when gossip is said about me. I ignore it only to be in the center of an accusation. What is this gift? how do I benefit from it? Stand guard for the advisory the Devil is out to devour and destroy.

It could be fun if only we could be perverts with one another, but you have created the boundary and now it is boring office talk. If I could go back to the beginning then I would have never talk how I did at first with you.

I got a text from you that I wanted three months ago. It was simple "wyd?" I did not respond. I think you only text because you needed something. I am fine with out your drama, and inconsideration. Do not forget that you left me on my birthday to go be with someone! Do not forget how you laughed in my face when I asked where you were going!

Time traveling exists. It exists in our minds. We go back and then back to present. The past brings tired old feeling's some are exhausting. We vividly relive what we have been through. My chest feels despair and disappointment. I feel I have lived a happy life. Then why every time I go back it is so daunting?