It could be fun if only we could be perverts with one another, but you have created the boundary and now it is boring office talk. If I could go back to the beginning then I would have never talk how I did at first with you.

Time traveling exists. It exists in our minds. We go back and then back to present. The past brings tired old feeling's some are exhausting. We vividly relive what we have been through. My chest feels despair and disappointment. I feel I have lived a happy life. Then why every time I go back it is so daunting?

I have not shaved in three days, I don't think it looks bad, but my hair is a bit long. I want a fade. Fade away into a blissful meeting with God. Where he warms my body with his love.

My desire turns on me. It make's me look desperate. When all I want is to be liked by someone. I open up to quick and that scares the person.

My desire pushes everyone away. I don't want to push anyone away. I am attracted to people who do not want anything serious. They only want to play. I care so much that it becomes desperation. In attempt at love seems missed and I am left with regret and rejection. So what's the point in looking when there is no one there for me. Only that of some cocky, better than me man. Missed opportunity, missed chance but was it ever.

I come to work to be greeted by a bunch of prideful people. There superior gazes make me uncomfortable. I asked one what is for lunch? the response classic "Puh, I don't have time to respond to that" I looked at them disgusted by the answer provided. I have to remind my self to be calm and be respectful even when someone test me. At some point in mid life people seem to get grumpy. I have to work really hard to stay joyful.

Sometime's when I am Here. I can't stand it, but lately you bring me joy underneath this tree trunk and roots that fall from the sky, it is a wonderful place at times and at times I want to escape. When I am gone I slightly dread the drive here but once I am here sourrounded by all this magic and all these complex characters that are flustered and that are joyful  or emotional. I will truly miss it.