Never again
Will I open up to anyone other than
my own reflection
in my own mirror
It's MY desk
MY pen
MY words
MY thoughts
They belong to me
and to give them away
is the greatest tragedy

Respect is not clean
it's ***** just beneath the surface
something you can't reach nor
scrub at with your brush
no matter how hard you try
you can't
unless you break it open

One too many times I've let people see
the weakness that lurks underneath
the frail bones
of a weak mind
of a weak, weak spine

But you're certain that underneath all that
it would have looked good anyway
so you take it for what it is
and pray the dirt isn't covering anything
too horrifying

Never again will I ever tell.
Because these words are mine
I'll never give them away again for free.
I don't need anyone to tell me who I need to be

It was nice while it lasted, I guess.
On to the next.

You smell like the night.
Not one of school or work,
Red light rush home
Headlights burn dim
In the puddles of --
lamp light.

Nor stale air,
Flickering overhead.
That bulb dies
at the same time
as someone packs up their baggage,
creeping it downstairs

No. You smell like the night.

I know its you when
Warm tobacco wraps around
holds me firmly but gently
The faint smell of marijuana
tracing light lines along my collarbones.

No cheap mulled christmas drink
could make me as warm
as the sandalwood perfume
that lingers on your clothes

and then on mine.

Oh Darling
Mug of wine
Sick of slumber
Woke me from that place down under
Double kettles
Double things
Shared for all
In eight we
sing

Darling Darling
You're my favourite
Favourite fresh friend favourite favourite
favourite doll fake guitar
fake smile forced for
friends only for awhile

Tugged by a rope
I tied myself
Towed along grass
you skilfully hid
the truth from me

DARLING OH DARLING
I see you now
My brother warned me about you
He saw right through you
right
over
you.

I'm not sure where to begin with words
I haven't used them in a while
Haven't had to
I began to think I never would again

I lost my passion somewhere
in the spiralling vortex that was my thoughts -
So far gone I am -
That I must resort to clichés
To express how I feel

As I sit here my mind is a blank
an empty void, a canvas, but I've seemed to have misplaced the paints?
Irritable ***** claw my eardrums
They're so loud
They drown out the sound of everyone else around me
Never have I felt more alone

When I spoke to you today
on my element, my flowing calm
vast ocean of it's usual energy
dimmed to a dull flat grey.
And we argued with silences and the implied
Blood rushed to my eyes
heating up the *****
SCRAPESCRAPESCAPRE

I fall into the ocean and
it engulfs me in it's arms
like
it knows I'm not alone
As I struggle for air and sight
You speak and your words give me oxygen
Until I breathe it
and I realise it's carbon monoxide

and then

I die

My words are bland compared to yours
And that scalds me
like fresh coffee on open skin

You're no cliché though
despite your skinny jeans
and catalogue fashion taste

I listen to your words like a
gentle tinkling of a piano tune
that erupts into a Bach symphony.

The heavy weight of your words
crush me. I fight for breath
and recently I've realised
I'm the only one not strong enough
to hold them up.

So at night I realise
the sky doesn't shine for me.
It shines for boys with a mind
way beyond his time,
For boys whose heart
leaks through the ink
of his pen like
an embedded vein.

Every night I realise my insignificance,
and the death of my poetry
whilst yours
beats strongly;
eternally.

So I'm sorry I write things because I only feel like it, okay?
But not everyone can explode
into a smattering
of stars
and
flames;

Like you do.

Petals drenched in blood
clumsily cover up the wet
flesh underneath.  
As you sit on those steps
and the blood runs down the stairs
through your grin and
split your teeth.

I couldn't make you love me
So I made you hate me
instead. I don't know. I guess
I couldn't bear the thought of you
not feeling as intensely
as I do.
After all,
love and hate burn from the same fire.
Don't they?