i stand buck toothed and frizzy haired
i'm in foreign country with foreign faces
she's my restute
i trace my finger tips rough from the dirt under our **** cherry tree
on the photograph of her outline on the bed we share
i hear her from the other room
she says we arent doing well
thats a lie
she says she has foreign blood
thats a lie
she says she loves me

my smile cuts through as i grab my own pinky
i promise myself i shall never lie
if the sky is blue, it's a blue sky
if the sun is hot, it's a sunny day
i'd never let myself follow her way

i stand glowing teeth and raven pig tails
i twirl my abaya between my fingers as she asks where i'll head off
i couldn't break her heart at the expense of my pleasure
i mutter names, hiding out others
i sit in the back seat of my drivers car, looking at my reflection in the tinted window
i see her outline look back at me

in her eyes i lay
في عيونها
in her arms i sway
في قلبها صورتي
وفي روحها اسمي

مخيوط ما بين خلاياها بابرة دميما
انا واياها وجه واحد
لماذا لا تراني في المراية؟

وحيدة امي
وحيدة قلبها
وحيدة وقتها
اعطتني نفسها
i didnt ask for it
i didnt ask to be given a debt of guilt
i look at her, i see me
i see her buck toothed with frizzy hair
did she ever see me in her mother?

my humour blinds me. it blinds me.
it tears me eyes out and scares me
it pushes me over and hangs me
my brainstem a noose, my eyes, a prize

and i will hang there, hot drips down
it warms me, it softens the ice
it tastes sweet, just like my fathers
it looks neat, just like my mother

just like her handwriting as she signs the paper
as she signs me away
just as her grip on my throat
just as she suffocates me

just as she'll give mouth to mouth, she wants me alive
she places her lips on mine and mauls them off
perhaps now i'll stay pure, i'll stay hers
i would look at the mirror across the hall at me
a red lip's for a harlot, she says. she's made mine ruby

its neat
how deep i'll carve my name on my chest
afraid i'll look at the mirror across the hall
and not recognize her at all
i'll play my nerves to the tune of misery

maybe ill glance down the hall and see her smile back
maybe i'll hate her, maybe i'l get on all fours and pounce
an animalistic rush, a rush nonetheless
maybe i'll tear out her eyes, maybe i'll take her soul

regardless what i do, i will feel warm
its that warmth i crave, the tides shift and the moon breezes
the dawn sets and im cold. and i freeze, shards of me snap off
i hold them close, i fear i will lose them

maybe they should be lost
perhaps i should melt them
make stained glass of my essence,
use it to bind my bedroom window

and maybe i should toss them over the edge, the ashes of my youth following suit
maybe i should pack them up in twine and parchment
maybe i'll hold them in my palm, knuckles white
i'll feel them slice through, i'll see crimson paint my nails
irregardless
i'll feel warm