We used to park
behind buildings downtown
a few hundred feet from the river
just a block from the fire department.

We had Modern Vampire of the City
and freshly *******.

It was flammable
and
beautiful
and
unstable.

But I thought it was better
than anything you could
find in an old TV set
or in the music you tried to write
to replenish your soul.

she never wished upon shooting stars
but that night she was desperate
to try and believe
she closed her eyes and wished.
it must have been a plane that night
because everything she wished for
soon fell apart
and that was the last time
she would wish on a shooting star.

it's a spiral staircase we live in
slipped halfway down--
onward to the bottom
clinging to the railing
strength is failing
you're gone already, child
why keep trying?

the dark abyss awaits you
a scathed hand reaches down
your arm outstretched with every tendon pulled
you just slip farther
falling into the dark abyss--
give up.

dark thoughts reverberate in your mind
eye sockets fill with tears
you scream
we scream
no one hears.

i can't forget you
you make it seemingly impossible
with the sudden replies
and pop up visits.
"your scars have faded"
you remark
unaware of how those lips
that forms those words from your liar's mouth
can't be true
because if you looked closely
you would see the new scars
forming on my no longer sacred flesh.
and there are certain things
that i can no longer hide
such as those dark monsters lurking in my closet
and how sometimes i just wish
they'd take me with them when they leave.

It's a deathless silence surrounding us--
something that we used to be
so comfortable with.
I **** on another Marlboro Red
perched between my chapped lips
and you strike up a match to light it--
there's nothing eternal about this flame.
I purse my lips;
you know it's coming.
The raindrops dance on the roof of your jeep--
a sound I used to find much comfort in
as I rested my weary head on your shoulder.
I exhale the smoke I tried to choke
these words down with,
whispering,
"I don't love you anymore."
I expected you to shout
shake me
rattle these thoughts inside my mind,
but you didn't.
"I used to love you, dear.
Just not anymore..."
Shut me up darling.
You know these words can't be true,
but you just sit there like a mime
except I'm not getting the image your depicting.
I make my way out into the rain--
I'm not dancing this time.
"I'm sorry, darling."
I toss out my cigarette as I walk away
knowing the passersby have no idea
his world was purged with the lighting
of that cigarette I once held between my lips.

a man came in
to my job today
he looked a lot like you.
I must have reminded him
of someone he had a past with
for he took several double takes
and I wasn't wearing my good jeans.

He was looking for a flower arrangement
to place on his front porch
his mother was coming to visit.

We put together a simple array
of colors and he left.

If only things were that simple
with you.