I'm back to thinking I can sleep a couple hours,
Get up,
Go to an appointment
Go back to sleep and
It won't wreck my head.
The last time I did this kind of stuff,
It sunk me.
I gotta grow up soon.

Sleep like humans are supposed to.
have a routine,
Make something.
I'm a tree with no fruit and
The storm is furious.

All this:
- sleeping until noon
- going to the gym to forget
- watching Friends for hours
- doing sporradic "educational" ****

Cannot be healthy.
It grabs onto me every once in a while.
Out of nowhere I get paralyzed.
I feel like nothing
Drifting in a sea of everything.
I should be doing.

I need to find what "it" is.
And get it together.

I've got one friend. Ryli. My sort of girlfriend.
I'm getting way too attached. I really feel...
All sorts of crazy ways about her.
But it's starting to show and I'm worried I might just be
Acting crazy.
There's a big difference between
Feeling crazy in love
And acting crazy in love.
There's a fine line between
Thinking about them all day,
And thinking about sacrificing
Goats to them all day.
See?
Just a few words away.
I've got to chill.

It is a beautiful thing that I was born irresponsibly, irrepressibly, psychotic.
Oceans and ponds are just water.
One mile or a thousand can be walked.
It is beautiful that I wake up every morning as crazy and inconsolable as the one I was born on.
I have never thought she was too far.
Or beautiful, or successful for me.
I am a fool but I won.

Oh to hell with you all.
My words will be the wild in the wind.
Wrap them in my sail
And pull this house into the raging blue.
I'll find a home.
On the run.

...
Did you hear me?"
To myself as a Green Day album blares:
"You know what writing is right?
I talk to paper all day
No way
That's healthy."

I broke for the first time today.
I almost got lost in it.
It reminded me of being under water.
You know you shouldn't hold your breath
You'll die.
There's no going back from that.
Bit is sure does feel nice.
All the pressure stops being so acute.
It turns into this dull thud.
Almost tingling the nerves in your limbs.
Little angel fingers plucking you all around.
While firm hands hold your skull and
Squeeze.
You pick how hard they do.

It scares me a little.

But now I'm having an adventure.
Traversing dangerous lands.
A mis-step and I'm in an asylum.
They told me not to play with matches.
I'm a good listener.
Nobody said,
       (It'd be poetic if I stopped here. Like I lapsed again and cont fishnr

I shouldn't see her tomorrow.
It's gonna go so badly.

Not like that.

I gave my heart away. Way away
But there's a little rattle in my gut.
I'll pick her up.
Talk while I drive her home.
"Nah I figured the app stuff,
Out on my own."
Your place or mine?