I take the bill
With the thought
"I can afford it"
My eyes search for the numbers
I close the book
I hand it to him
He insisted on paying anyway
He can't hold that against me.

It's those moments
Those "Wait I need to get my camera" Moments
I hate the most.

We are expected to hold position
Be statues while life walks on by  and observes us with unforgiving eyes
Telling us "why Wait , I sure don't"
Winks then leaves.

Let the ignorance
be the repeated subject
through out history.

No one bothers to
Look through all the pages
Go through the chapters

To see that we have
Done this time and time again
Time and time again.

Is awkward.

One minute you are conjoined
lovers
You can't tell where one ends and the other begins

The next You were surgically removed
Ex's
One is off in the gym while the other is in the cafeteria

Crimson red taints the skies as gray merges in after
The gods, after dipping fingers in black,  finger painted away
Even stroke after odd stroke came the night.

If you were a tumor I would never remove you
If you were toxic gas I would breathe you in deeply
If you were a virus I would never take medicine
I would suffer greatly as long as I suffered with you

You wrap your arms 'round
As you whisper sweet nothings
As you keep me bounded

Bite gently my neck
As you trace my happy trail
Then take a rain check

Then leave out the door
As you kiss gently my lips
Leave me wanting more

I am on the bed
With my hand upon your chest
My lips on your head.

It's must be more that just physical.

Hunger is evil. Hunger is a lying little snake in the garden of Eden telling you to eat it, even though its going against what your conscious is saying.
Or it could let you consume the knowledge  and use it for your benefit and the benefit of others

But still a sin, all the same.

maybe hunger is the need not to feed but to expand our knowledge
And if going against "rules" allows us to do that then so be it

**Then why do people who have no motive to learn still eat?

Right After you left
Every vein was blown apart
Every heart beat stopped.

I was left ruined.
Dust covered every remnant
Of my broken Heart.

Nothing can be found
Each feeling I've had is dead
Blown into pieces.

Everything is dead.

"I hate ******* gays"
Is this how you show your love?
I love you too, Mom

None of us are wrong
Everyone else is wrong
But its all in the head

Does it start like this?
With Conversations that seem to never end
With continuous laughter through the lonely night
With virtual hugs
Does falling for him start like this?

Go and cast the stone
Forget all about your sins
Focus on my own.

Look into my eyes
With your righteous conviction
Go and cast the stone.

And she drank his words
Took that shot filled to the rim
Though it burned her throat.

She was on fire
Her stomach was on fire
But she endured it.

She gritted her teeth
Didn't even want to cough
Took another shot.

Its to the point now
That she doesn't feel the pain.
Too much of his shots

Are being taken
She cant see straight anymore.
She takes another

She is on fire
But for love she endures it
Fire consumes her.
It was her last shot.

The love flows with ease
As he wraps his arms round me.
It's as if it was ordained
By nature herself.

We speak the language
With tongues that taste the love as
It rolls off our lips.

Never have I felt
high such as this but with him
Forever cloud nine.

I would dismiss it
If love were to show its face.
I have mastered solitude
With dexterous skill.  

Bothersome its not
For I rather have silence
Than hear the groans of my heart
Echo forever.

There was a fire
Blooming
on the tree.
It's many petals
brushed against the bark
Drinking all the water
it made the tree dry.

Nothing can compare
to the child like laughter
of the ones you love.

Love is a few words
written on white lined paper
Passed, Read, and Ignored.

Each tear that we shed
Is a tear of injustice
Colored with our blood

We wipe them away
Trying to be the soldiers
They think we can't be.

Emotionally
We are numb to words
That otherwise shred

Our hearts but we wear
Vests that bear "It gets better"
So that protects us.

We walk down the streets
not knowing if we would live
To see tomorrow.

We take in every
"***", "****", with a false smile
Hold our tounges we do

We come back from war
Hoping we would feel the warmth
But we are shut out

From our family.
We fight here there everywhere
To wear our colors.

We fight everyday
The tears that threaten to fall
for we are soldiers.

It was strange, that yellow star was sharp and yet it was still blurred.

Every breath we inhale is one closer to death.
Every oxygen that is used in our bodies is closer to death.
Nothing can change that even if we hold our breath.

The time I thought I had left
Skipped in front of me, blue raspberries
and went without a word.

Arms around
Heat increasing
Drew Closer
Breaths merge becoming one
Lips touch
The world disappears
....
The world reappears
Lips Separate
Breathing is now two
Grow apart
Arms to the side
It was just a kiss

Take your love back.
Shove it in your heart
before I rip it to shreds,
Scatter the pieces over your head,
Stab it with a dagger so it lies there dead
Cause I rather feel nothing
Then feel this hurt,
Hear the hollowness in my heart instead.

*******

His lips tasted of regret but mine tasted of forgiveness.
When he looked into my eyes he knew I would forgive him.

There is a fog
It dragged it's legs on the floor
Using it's arms to pull it's self towards me
I watched it with eyes
A superstitious person would wear.
It pushed it self up.
Reached for my clothes
Tugged on my clothes
Clinged to my clothes.
Then it left.

And when he close his eyes to sleep away
He sees the glare from moments 'go.
It digs it's way to his dreams
And now he just don't even know.

What will tomorrow bring?
What will travel through the blinds
to wake him? What will 'morrow bring?
He tries to sleep with a shrugging sigh.

I am a puzzle
Who's pieces all fit 'cept one
The one that does not fit
is not one but several
which one will be the one to complete me?

We were nothing
yet we were a theory.
Tossed around,
Debated over time,
but there was never enough evidence
For us to be an actual law.

Watch for my name
it will crawl from the depths of your hippocampus
Each letter will scatter all around
then disappear
Never to be thought of again.

Guarded I am now for there is an empty presence surrounding me
      It whispers in my ear. Grabs the memories and scatters them all around.
Hours it wasn't before this presence manifested before me.
       It walks towards me with a smile, with open arms, with a nudge
Only to dissipate, leaving a sadness to cover me as it's residue
        Leaving me to head to the restroom
           To get in a stall
                   To close my eyes and cry
Sometimes when the ones we love leave,  a part of them stays to remind us
           To torture us
                To love us
To make their memory survive but do they know how much it hurts to know that
        the  Presence will always remain but never the real person?

Big
Gay
Hug

Three letters
Three words
Remind me
of what I need to do
To make the world a better place.

Do not let them see
The jagged pieces you hold
For blood might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For a broken heart to be
Seen all tattered up.

Do not let them see
Your blood shot drained of tears eyes
For loss might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For the rivers to be seen
Drained of love and soul.

The sun sent a kiss through
The window but it never landed on his lips.
The sun tried to feel
his rounded his face
but he left with the shadows
Preventing the sun's radiant fingers
from
Caressing his face.
I too sent a kiss
         Tried to feel
but my advancements
were met with
dodging behind the shadows
Pulling back at the last second
avoidance of every kind.
We stare with tear stricken eyes
from a distance
while our anger
Consumes all logic
Releasing jealousy
whenever
someone grows
near.

Each bite filled the hole with Sugar and Calories
Kept me full with chocolate chips
But not a single cookies could help his heart.

What happens when you lose your inspiration?
You make things up
You look at nature and try to capture the beauty she let's us see
with words.
You look at others and try to write down their lies and truths
you look at art and try to match the curves and emotion with your own art.
you write until something or someone new inspirses you.

Chasing after one another
They cyclone there way across the street.
Trying to grasp one another
They collide stem first
then they fall.

Each blow was every word he told me
"It
Might
Happen"

Each blow was every word she told me
"You're
Going
to
Hell"

Each blow was every word I told myself
"It's
All
My
Fault"

The tree no longer looks the same

It's hard to get up
in the morning
when
in your
dreams
He is there
whispering everything will be okay

A heart shatters and falls like hail against the veins and arteries
Cutting, shredding, making the blood drench the soul
while the tears rush out like a broken pipe releasing  all the pressure
That's heartbreak.

And then I brushed the dust off my knees.
The dust protested surrounding me but then they were arrested and taken by the wind.
I looked to the sky with a determine gaze
and the sky revealed the sun.
It was going to be okay
no matter how many times I can to brush the dust off my knees.

I hold your hand but did you know we don't really touch
It's just the force of my hand and yours deflecting.

But then again if he left wouldn't I be able to be free of the pain?

May I use my uncertainty of my future as my eating utensil? I can okay.
Family problems sprinkled on top of my mom's non acceptance.
Anthony leaving as a desert
and my feelings in a cup full of ice to cool them off so I can drink them before some notices how I really feel.    
Thank you

I was saved by  
The notes that were passed on high and low
The beats that vibrated my body right and left

I was saved by
The emotion invested in words
The stories I wrote with passion