I am heartbroken
Time won't be able to heal
He left me broken

I won't think of him
I will ignore his presence
Cause he broke my heart

I will find someone
Who will be better than him
Cause my heart will heal

The scars will remain
But they will be real faint
No longer broken

Don't call me back
Cause I will be gone out the door
Don't get my attention
Cause now My heart is torn
But I will ignore the pain
I will forget that I even liked you
Cause you showed me
That you ain't worth it anymore

Do you think of me when i think of you
Do you think of my eyes of when I think of yours
Do you think of my laugh when I think of yours
Do you think of me when I think of you

A gentle touch
A gentle smile
A gentle laugh
That lasts awhile

Appealing eyes
Appealing face
Appealing everything
Nothing to replace

Wanting a kiss
Wanting a hug
Wanting so many things
You are like my drug

But I mustn't I am told
But I can't it seems
But I shouldn't No I shouldn't
Why oh why is this happening to me

I want you
and I want to date you.  
That's all that needs to be said
Straight to the point
No more games
No more tricks

After the period I am gone
Well that's what they told me to do
To leave you hanging
To leave you thinking
But should I add more to the plate?

This was going to be said but then you said something on that Monday  
This was in the back of my mind when you told me something later on
This has always been there even when you said you weren’t like that anymore
Even when you showed me the girls you liked
It has always been there

So I will say this even though I might be adding more to the plate
even if It is going to confuse you more
Even if I will be given hell from everyone
Even if you don’t want to talk to me anymore
Cause it needs to be known
It wanted to be told since the very beginning

I want you and I want to date you.
Now, I am leaving after the period

From the look on your face
I can tell that I did something wrong
I look through my mind
trying to go through all the mental files
But can't find a single word or action that tells me


I can feel the ice that is brought from your eyes
I feel like I am not wanted in your presences
I know that I did no wrong to you or to anyone you love
So why do I feel like you think I Did

I want to talk to you but fear being shut down
Fear of being brought to the ground
Fear of being blamed for everything
But I must talk for if you do not like me
For something you think I did
I must know what it is so I can set the record straight
Cause I did nothing wrong, I did nothing

When we were children we would pluck flowers from the ground
We would rotate the flower and sigh deeply
We would pluck one petal and close our eyes
and say "_ Loves me" and our hearts would ring with happiness
We would see their eyes
See their face
then we would pluck the next petal
" Loves me not"

Our hearts would beat with sadness
With every pump making us cold
making us wonder why
Making us shed one tear

We would go back and forth
"_ Loves me"
"_ Loves me not"

A wish, a hope, a dream
This game, childish game would be played
Just to know
and When The last petal revealed a truth wanted
Nothing could ruin the feeling that was experienced

But when The last petal would reveal a truth not wanted
We would ball up the petals and the flower stem and throw them to the ground
Stomp on the ground and cry how cruel the world is

We would all play this game of Love me .... love me not
a  wish a hope a dream

This is to my followers and the likers
Y'all are the ones who keep me going
keep me moving
Keep me glowing

Y'all are the ones who leave me hopeful
Leave me laughing
Leave me boastful

Y'all are the ones who make me smile
make me chuckle
Make my time worth while

So Thanks, Thank you all
For giving me support
For giving me likes
If I met y'all I  Would assort
with y'all

So thanks again
my followers and likers

Two Minutes*
That's all I need to hold on to you
To inhale the familiar scent of yours
To rest my head upon your chest  

Two Minutes
That's all I need to tell you that you are the only one that matters
To kiss your cheek and hold you tighter
To hold you and feel safe

Two Minutes
That's all I need to tell you I will always care
To kiss those lips with passion
To cherish the feelings I will have

All I need is Two Minutes

So you are not that way
The way you raised your voice made it clear
But why do I feel like the words spoken were more of fear
than anything else

Just so you know my heart you did play
But I will not bring myself to cry tears
Nor Will I cry that you weren't a fellow queer
or at least bi

I will ask around for someone else
And will try to look at my options more
And you might be a little sore
Reminding me that I still like you

But I will try to ignore be strong within myself
What kind of love Am I looking for?
For someone to stand with me and not hide behind the closet door
If there is a door to hide behind

Silence as he goes down the steps
he knows he musn't wake
his mother who sleeps upstairs
he musn't wake his sisters or his brothers

He opens the door to the bathroom
and Sees his reflection
UGLY, STUPID, WORTHLESS
Words like these bounce around his mind

His skull is a bouncy house and more words keep piling in
Wanting a chance to jump high
He opens the cupboard and sees the pills
A bottle of painkillers the doctor gave to his sister

He creeps back to his room
Slient like a night cat
and he sits on his bed with the note right beside
Sorry for being such a dissapointment, sorry for causing pain, I am gone now don't worry anymore i will longer I have to be a burden
he opens the cap and he can feel that he wants to cry

he pours the pills into his hand and takes each one
one at a time
I am gone, gone forever never to return again
No longer have to be a disapointment
I can be who I want to be after death
No longer having to feel less
No longer I have to be stong
*As I sing the sucide Song

Take A mintue to hear what is being said
I never chose to have feelings for men
Take a moment for it to register
That I could have married and had children with her
but I didn't
I decided to be honest and speak up
But I was shot down

Like a piegon shot from the sky
As it only wanted to fly

You tell me that you don't care when I am older
but right now I am a child i don't know any better
but I do
I know what I am and chose this route so later in life
I Wouldn't suffer as much

Like eating junk food everyday for lunch
and grwoing up to find out I have stomcah Problems because of my lunch

I chose this path, the path of coming out,  knowing the dangers
Knowing what Challenges I would have to face
And this path I am taking will make me stronger

I saw that necklace around his neck
There are so many reasons to why it would be there
But none of them positve

It goes along with the rose he made for you
out of paper, by the way I can make one better,
So, Are you and me fighing over him
What is going on?

I don't feel like we are
But are we about to
I honestly don't know the answer
This is the first time I expressed my liking for one guy and there is another who could pontetial be a threat
Should I work harder?
Should I?
I don't know

I am tired of all this ******* flying through the fan
I closed the closet door so I can be a “man”
Alone in the darkness
I start to get a thought
I shouldn’t be locked up here
Cause my people, they fought

I’m tearing the hinges, cracking the walls
Loving who I want shouldn’t be against the law
You spit out words, you make violent actions
But loving a man gives me satisfaction
So we will pour are love to put out your matches

You tell me that I should stop thinking stupid things
But these are not thoughts, they are my feelings
They can’t change, and though this might sound cliché
I was born this way, I am sorry your son was born gay
But stop hating, stop degrading, stop trying to change me
Cause I am a human, a human being
Cause I am not a puppet and you the master pulling the strings
I am not a robot who can’t feel a thing
Your words hurt though I might not show
They always hit me high, the middle, and low
And you know,
I just might end up leaving

You can take me as I come
And we can try to fix what got broken
But none of it will ever be forgotten
And no forgiveness cause you weren’t jokin’

Or you can leave me
Like I am trash that needs to be taken out
You can cut me from the pictures
You can scrub me from your memories
Anything to make me gone
Frankly I don’t care
Because either way
No matter what you do
I will be me
I will be free
The choice is up to you

I guess Kelly Clarkson was right
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger

I haven't died from the pain held inside
Nor have I bruised much
My heart has broken but nothing a little Duct Tape can't fix
Nothing a little glue can't fix

Maybe it is like when you break a bone
It hurts like hell
But Once in a cast it begins the process of healing
It itches like hell
and I might have to use a pencil or two to get rid of the itch but
then Once the cast is off I will be able to use it

Yeah maybe My heart will be like that

DANG IT!
I still care
I still dream
And I even started to put your hat in my book Bag again

Your hook is in deep and it won't come out and I won't let it out
SHAME ON ME!

Your blue eyes reel me in
Your little hugs make my back tingle
DANG IT!!!!
I STILL WANT YOU

Hehehe I can't believe I am like this
One mintue I don't want you
The next You are mouth watering
Like a white Cookie with Blue M&M;'s

I still like you
GOD!!!!!
UHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**** IT TO HEAVEN
DANG IT this heart wants you badly

A wail wants to come out to echo across the room
But these tears are in the way,
Don't know when they will be through

What ring does the heart makes?
When it doesn't know what to do
Turn right, turn left, it don't know which way it's to take

It beats on drums
It plays the harp
Plucking each string like it's plucking shards
Likes it healing the heart but fails

It strums the guitar
Voices the Voice of the hearts that are breaking
But it strains too much and only a sharp sound of pain is let out

Shattered, cold, wanting to be alone
Tattered, sold, What is needed to be shown

Stopped, froze, it is now gone
Singing, silently The heart Break song

M
I    X
     E
D

Fe
   e l
i  n g
         s
You say

Give you some space to breath

Well I can do that
I can do just that

S          P                  A                    C             E




B                  R              E             A                  T              H             E            
  



Do you still have mixed feelings ??

I was a fool
I am a fool
Waiting for the chance, waiting to experience your love
and being the imbecile, being the simpleton that I am
I talked to your sister to have that chance

I wanted, GOD, I wanted
But now it's like I don't even matter
Like what you said, what you told me in person doesn't matter
None of it matters anymore

Can you hear the noise when a heart breaks?
Could you hear mine?
I did

First the Violins pulled and a warm sound came to my ears
It was like a tiny flame warming it
But it was actually preparing it for the shatter

Then The Violins pushed and screeching was heard
It cracked once, than twice, than it shattered
it felt like Glass was thrown at the floor and the shards were pushing against my arteries
Like Rain drops were frozen and hitting the inner walls letting hollow sounds echo

Could you hear the Heartbreak melody mine was making?
Can you hear the song a heart makes when it breaks?
I did, oh I hear it

I saw this article
It screamed
Leah Shipman, Ex-Teacher, Marries North Carolina Student She Was Accused Of Having *** With

I read it and now I am furious
I am sick
I am disgusted

She had *** with him when he was 15
She gets married to him Yay for them
But for me

I am prohibited
Not allowed
Restricted from marrying the guy  I want

Good Job Society
Good Job North Carolina
Good Job

What do you feel?

Love for me
Or are your feelings mixed up
Tossed around like you are tossing salad

What do you feel?

Are you sure? That you feel this way
Do you need time? Or do you just want to jump head first
and see if the bottom is deep or not


What do you feel?

OH LOVE

It is the force that makes you feel Alive
Even when You felt dead

It is the force that feeds your heart
Even when It hungered before

OH LOVE

It is the fluttering of the heart
The aching of the stomach when Worried

It is the fire that burns
It is the tears that are shed

OH LOVE

Is something that Can happen
Is something that takes time

Is something That needs work
Is something that never dies
Even when the people go separate ways  

OH LOVE

Coffee makes me Happy
Makes me Smile
Makes me Jittery

Coffee is the drink of Gods
That has been brought to us
to keep us alive in our minds

Coffee is the 5 hour energy that lasts
It keeps you on your Toes
Coffee is Awesome

Oh that night was great
With dresses, some pink, some white, and some abnormal
With suits all blue, pink, and red
But one stood out
A suit that was white as snow
A suit with a red tie and Handkerchief
That suit has caught my eye

Rumor has it* and
Everybody Talks about it
That you found another


Well guess what I can find Someone like you
Someone who will keep me Up all Night
Cause they a great lover

Thanks For the Memories
I will give you the Cold Shoulder
Cause you and me are over

I guess I am old fashioned
I have to ask premisson first before I ask him
I don't know why But I feel the need
Or something

Old Fashion I guess

I use to be in the closet
I use to go through all these false motions
Feel all these fake emotions
I would put the straight face on
But I would always feel out of place

The closet was where I would pack away all my insecurities.
I would put them in boxes for later so I could look back at the dark memories.
And whenever I felt threaten
I would hide in the closet
But the walls would sometimes come too closely
I would get claustrophobic
As it suffocated me slowly

Running out of oxygen, I would bang on the door to be let out  
I would scream, beg and I would shout to be let out
And when I finally mustered the strength to cross the threshold
I was shoved back in
I was told that I couldn't love him
I was told I was a sin, that I should have never been

I fought as they shut the door and turned the lock
I was in the closet but this time The new me wanted to be free
I tore the hinges from the closet door off
I tore down the walls and pounded them into dust
And after looking at my beautiful destruction I felt justice

Because the closet is man-made invention
To keep us under control
It’s like a shock collar; you cross the line that separates you get a lashin’
Its heavy rods and big metal ***** to weigh us down
It’s something they use to stifle us so we won’t make a sound
But I say no more

No more should I have to go back to the closet
To where I must feel shame
To where I must bear chains
The closet must not be, no more

There is no sense in trying to reason
In trying to talk
In trying to let you see my perspective

There is no sense in showing that I am have changed internally
In showing that I am not going back to the dark side
In showing that I am a new guy

There is no sense in trying
No sense in showing
In telling
There is no sense...

I want to ask a question
It's not meant to cause distress in anyway
It's more out of curiosity Please don't be dismayed

Do you still have those letters that I wrote for you
Does letters where I confessed my love for you
Does letters where I told you that I wanted you
Do you still have them?

I am just asking

I have another question
Not trying to add more to the plate
And I am trying not to irritate
I'm just wondering


Would you go out with me?
I like you and you like me
So yeah would you go out with me?
I am just asking
But hopefully you say yes

I wake up form my nap and look at the window
And What do I see before me
A white blanket covering the ground
Powdered sugar on My part of the Funnel cake

No school in the morning, No teacher lingo
A feeling of excitement THis was kind of forseen
I go outside and feel the air and the snow rests on my head like a crown
The impulse now is a snowman I should make

SNOW, SNOW IT"S SNOWING
LET ALL HEAR, LET ALL ENJOY
THAT IT IS SNOWING

11:11 Am
I wish for him to be with me
11:11 pm
I wish for him to be with me

Everyday it's the same wish
Everyday I recite it like a memorized line for a play
This wish doesn't change and will never change until it comes true

And maybe it will never come true
But that won't stop me from loving you
Cause wishing gives me hope
It lets me cope
Wishing the same thing again and again let's me know that I still want you

I take that hat That you gave me
And I sleep with it
To remind me of what I want

I inhale and a scent dances around my nose
It plays with my mind and creates you

It pretends that you are next to me with an arm protectively around me
It pretends that I am upon your chest and That you kiss my head gently

I snuggle closer to that hat
I pretend I am on top of you and that we are just talking
I pretend that I kiss you sweetly and kiss your neck gently

Then I fall asleep and dream of you
More pretending
But maybe it could be reality
And no more Pretending
I don't know yet

The time for forgiveness is gone
Nothing will be forgiven
He knows he is not the only one
But he chose not to stay, he's leaving

Leaving it all in the past and will not look behind him
Causes this is now that was then
His eyes will focus towards the light at the end
Because back down that way there is a friend
Who will love him as he is


And when the other wants him again
he will say no, because he can't go back to then
He can't relive the pain and sorrow
And the not wanting to see tomorrow

No, he will deny them Like they did
He will ignore like they did
He will just keep going

Not Seen, Not heard
Rather not see him nor hear
as he drowns and chokes on his tears
Chose not to speak, No, won't say a word

In the clutches of death
With his white bony fingers rattling
As he grabs a hold of the boy

Death is now the parent
Not the other one
Who chose not to pay any mind

Death seems like the only option
Death seems comforting,
Not something to fear but something to welcome
But I can not die

I can not die because I am not worthy of death
I am not worthy to be hugged with darkness and silence
Death doesn't want me nor does life
I am not worthy to breathe
To eat the fruit bared by earth
I am not worthy to live Nor I am worthy to die

I enjoy your hugs
The spontaneous, out of the blue hugs
The "I like you" hugs
The "I want to hold onto you" hugs
I love the hugs you give me

They make my days go from bad to good
and when you leave my hands can still feel you
I can inhale and still smell the scent you leave behind

Gosh, your hugs amaze me

The " I want to stay here forever" hugs
The "I can't let you go" Hugs
The "I love you" hugs
I love the hugs
I can't get enough of them
Can't get enough of your hugs

You call her by name
You him by name
You call her by her name too
But me I am that boy

Since the Twelfth of Jan
You haven't spoken to me
And today when we did speak
it wasn't calm, I heard hatred and anger
As if I was interrupting your day and I made it go sour
Not Once have you said my name
Not once you would you acknowledge my presence

Not Mentioned as if I died and all you see is merely a ghost
Not talked to as if I am an unwelcome guest
And When talked to nothing but anger

I am that boy, not a son
I am that boy, not kin
My name is no longer what was given to me
It is not mentioned by your lips to me
Like speaking them would bring about a plague
No all I ever heard you say to refer me was "That boy"

My weekend was horrible
leaving me emotionally numb
But on the bus I heard you bickering with another guy
"I am going to do it today."
"You should do it now."
Back and forth Y'all did

Then when we were inside
You asked for me to go outside
"I like two people, One is this girl, do you know the other one."
I knew right then
My mood changed
my cheeks warmed
"I do but I rather hear it from you." I said
I was in heaven
You took sometime and then you said
"Well it's you, I like you too."
Even though I knew
My day changed in two seconds flat

Even though you like her also
And I don't like being a a second choice
I will take this and make the most of it
because I have been waiting
For this moment
To make me feel happy in two seconds flat

I told you
and you yelled at me
with hate pouring out of your mouth
acid and poison

I cried but my tears did not mean a thing
You are caught up in the hate for my step dad you even compare me to him
You are caught up in the bible that you don't see that your son is hurting inside

Last night we were arguing
you told me all this
My dad must have molested me
some one must have touched me
But no
I was born this way

I now feel at peace with myself
and you know I might have someone  else
who will accept me

I don't care any longer
Whatever you try it's not going to work
I will never change

The truth is
I  greater than like you
But less than love you
I am in the middle

This math circles me 'round
I don't know if I should add 20 or take away 20
I don't know if I should multiply by a 100 for the kind words you say
Or If I should divide by 100 for making me feel like crap

Should I square or find the square root
Find The Cosine or the Sine
Divide by 2 because you might love me halfway
or just multiply by zero cause your love is not there

I don't like this Math Problem
This Math Problem of love

Listen

Listen to what I am saying
I love you

Did you hear me?
Were the words clear?
I love you

I know I said I didn't care and that I was done
But those were phibs, lies I told myself
Like a child telling themself that Santa is real and they ignore that they saw they's parents
Putting the presents under the tree

I love you no matter what they think of you
No matter what you do
I will always love you

I was sad, angry with you
For what you did, trying to push me away in the most unacceptable way
I know you might have done it unintentional
But I forgive you

I can't stay mad at you
I love you


Listen
Listen to what I have said
These words are true and they will remain true
as long as I have a heart to feel the love

All I Have left is the hat
The hat that was given to me
I don't know what for
But it just makes me cry more

It is black
Like the whole that is left in my heart
Like the bitterness I have within myself
It has red on the rim
Like the anger I have but not at him but at me
Like the color I see when I close my eyes

Where a head is suppose to be it is Empty
Like the feeling I have
Like the words I say to myself , "I will find love, even if it ain't with him"

All I have is the hat
The hat he gave me
The hat only the hat
Is all I have

Nothing but The Hat

The love for you is
Heart Warming
cheek heating
mind spinning
Heart pounding

Your love for me is
.....
......
......
Not there

The truth is
not welcomed
unneeded
To hard to know

The pain inside is
Glass smashing
Earth Shattering
Mind splitting
........ Heart breaking

I am confused (O.o) I just don't know what to say
What was that (\O.o/), Yesterday?
I heard and now feel conflicted
I Was given and feel even more conflicted
WHat is going on?
What is happening?
I need an answer but don't know how to approach it. :/

When I saw you make your way towards the door
My stomach went all weird
I felt a tingle, first small than a bit more

My friend has told me that it is nothing but obsession
But would I get this tingle in my stomach
This feeling that makes my cheek warm
This feeling that makes me look away
This feeling that I call love

I felt happiness when my eyes rested on you
But then sadness overcame me like a sickness
Showering with me sorrow
For I know I can only look but never touch

This sorrow that hangs over me like a cloud
Is just the constant reminder
But then that feeling turns to Jealousy
When I see you hang around and cling to that person
I want that to be me but I know that it will never be me  
I feel like ripping them from your arms
Like tearing them to shreds for being with you
But.... I can't

I love you and I know it is true
Why else would I feel like this with you
Why else would I look at you and just dream of resting upon your chest
Why else would I feel like you are my whole world, the sun, the moon and the stars

I want you but I can't have you
So I just stay at bay.
Wanting for this love to be a two way street
Not just one way

But it won't
So I love you but it's not returned

One heart that beats is broken for two
A war wages inside my chest, I don't know what to do
A ruthless, ****** battle does go on
It's painful and hurtful which side has won?

Both present their own tastes that draw me
But only one can makes this heart complete
Nothing is the same and I can't decide
Not choosing could lead to my heart's demise

One is fire for my tongue, but sweetness follows after
The other more like milk chocolate that runs like pleasant laughter
One loses me in the two seas they carry and I would like to be lost and never found
The other morphs my imagination with bright colors like a skilled Crafter

If I fell in love with only one
This torment, this hurt would've never begun
I am stuck in the middle of my torn heart
This heart that beats for two shouldn't be torn apart

Tu eres mi amor, you are my love
and tu tienes mi corazón para siempre

Nothing can compare to the love I have for you
Not the sun or the Luna
Nor las  estrellas
you are the goddess(more of a god) of fortune and good luck, Fortuna

The love for you has been building up
Like a volcano and it wants to explode
its fuegos artificiales going up in the sky

Tu eres mi amor
and you have my heart forever

You are my love

Tomorrow we go back to school
I do not know if I will act civil or act the fool
Tomorrow you will be seating next to me
Will I hold the joy at bay or fail to contain?

Gosh, my body shudders in excitement
I get to see you once more
Three weeks has been far too long
To see your face will bring me enlightenment

Tomorrow, Tomorrow oh man tomorrow
I get to talk to you
admire you
Be lifted in happiness not sorrow
When I see you again tomorrow

You left me Br o
                          ken
Shattered beyond repair
nothing can reassemble my pieces together

My heart is left in jagged edges
left with shards to sharp to handle

No words can mend it
No words can mend me
I am broken
Like a toy left in the trash after it's head went missing
Like a watch with no more ticking
Left with nothing,
Broken, I am broken