I did not choose her.
She did not choose me.
We were forced upon each other
By a woman with a clipboard.

Two personalities
Contrasting so completely
And yet
"You fit the part"
They tell me.

So now she is mine
Now I am hers.
She's in here somewhere;
They all are.

I just need to
keep
digging
I just need to
cast
a line
I just need to
gently
coax her
to the surface
I just need to
understand.

She is me
I am she
We are one
Amidst the curtains.

Never have I ever
lied to you.
Never have I ever
held something back.
Never have I ever
left you in the dark.

The last thing I want
is to do
what I have never ever.
Yet I've done it.

The never ever.

It feels so
degrading
To keep this from you.
As if
I'm keeping it from myself.

Well maybe I am.

Maybe I don't want to face the truth
Because I'm afraid you'll turn your back on it.

On me.

Never have I ever
had that fear.

Never have I ever
had any fear at all.

Why
now?

I hope she
Rips
Your measly
Lying
Cowardly
Heart
Straight from your chest.
I hope she pries it from your ribcage
With the same force you used
On mine.
I hope she hurls it to the ground
In disgust
Of what you’ve become.
Of what you’ve been all along.
I hope she contaminates it so
That you will never be able
To feel
Or love
Or trust
The same way
Ever
Again.
I hope she
Has the power to make you
Feel what I
Have been feeling all along.
All I can do
Is hope
That she can give you what you deserve
Since it’s very clear
That I cannot.

The flowers bloom
on empty grass
The decaying tree
continues to bud
The bird
falls from the nest
But lands on the soft cushion
of forgiveness
Not the concrete slab
of reality.

A second chance
   Is what we all need
A second chance
   Is what we seldom get

The shock parades
Up
  Down
    Across
      Around
    As I fall
  Missing forgiveness
And crumpling into reality.

You
Me
Ghosts of what was
In a world of what is

We hear
feel
see
create...
What, really?

What is now is what was then
What is to come is what has left.
They're not looking,
They can't see.
Come
Be nothing
With me

She is
An alarm clock
Going off
At almost regular intervals
Bursts of rage
And uncontrolled emotion
Blaring
From somewhere deep inside her
Set off
By something as insignificant
As the passing of a minute.
Very few people
Can find the snooze button
In the groggy darkness
Of early morning
And if they do
She is silenced for a bit
And sweet, sweet dreams
Return
If only for a short while
Until the time comes
For her to rip you from your slumber
Again.
Again.
Again.