contradictions
they define me, lately
sensing familiarity in your voice
i watch you in my mind
and
i am convinced that
i knew you in a life before this
former reflections disguising themselves as déjà vu
but
i don’t believe in past lives
with my jagged exterior &
clenching fists
i remind myself
no one will fit with me
well
wrap your every limb around mine
& i know
not a single gap will exist

i tore into his body
just the way you taught me
the red dripping liquid contains the demons
you say
the evil, the wrong
this is what you told me
when your knife sliced my skin
ripping, tearing, oozing
if you only let them
maybe these demons
would have done it for you
eating away my flesh
my soul
he screams the way you made me
his bruises are purple
resembling mine on christmas
hidden under blankets
his blood
shines a most beautiful maroon
i dont want him to feel anymore
the way i do
the way you do

I never really wanted you
Or your baggage
Lucky for you
I never did see through any of it's shady pockets
& lucky for me
It's no Italian leather
No glitz, no glam
So keep those zippers zipped
Because i don't care
Not like you think i do

the most exquisite love
remains selfless
&bottomless;
with a perpetual flutter
of the heart
& soul

you know the moment
the one when someone crawls across your mind all day
completely saturating it &
before the day is over
they find some way of reaching you
it's as if despite the distance &
the silence
they can still see into your mind
maybe
they just spent half the day
dwindling upon the same wavelength as you
in fact
its exactly like that
i always know that
if i think hard enough
sooner or later
your precious words will dance with mine
in a place of their own
it's that moment in time when you question fate &
its existence

or is it simply coincidence?

sometimes
it only takes one human being
to awaken ones true self again
all it takes
is the smallest exchange of words &
the you
you thought was lost and buried in the trenches
reveals itself untouched
the dullness of living escapes
from every inch of your body &
is replaced by the colors that surround her
she was my muse
the most beautiful
inspiring
passionate woman to step into my world
belonged to someone else
& yet
i am forever tainted with her ethereal presence

& for that i am grateful.

I'll keep drinking my coffee, but i'm afraid of the crash
the life i've lived lying in front of me in tiny remnants
staring at the basket, i wish to smell that sweet orange
i wish i felt something when my young sister dances
"just open your eyes" she said "you will see the pathway"
darling, you know i would, but i'm afraid to peek

"But i remember you running in the dark, never reluctant to peek
you knew that i had you, i'd never let you crash
i crushed all of the sticks under my feet, creating a pathway
all you had left were the shameful remnants
at the end of the night you said that the leaves did their dances
don't you remember when i picked you that orange?"

she thinks i can smell that sweet scent of an orange
i'm certain i could, if i were back at my peak
those were the times i could join in on her dances
the days when beauty could revoke the crash
before my soul felt scattered to remnants
an illuminating light created my pathway

"sister, my darling, your pathway is gold
the grass that surrounds it turns orange from light
soon all the green will be remnants of dark
the sun will shine bright from the peak
the crash you are feeling only hurts for a while
it all blows away when the leaves do their dances"

my sister she dances at the thought of this all
leaving her pathway of charm and beauty
i've never seen such perfection crash or come close
her twirling body, her orange locks
falling gently at the peak of her shoulders

my sister she left me her remnants of toast
i watch her continue her dances of joy
she noticed me peak as i sipped on my tea
her pathway, large enough for us both to enjoy
i peeled the last orange, breathed in its citrus scent
the empty tea mug made a crash in the sink