if every day is just a struggle for another,
if every hope is only for a better tomorrow,

if every breath and every heartbeat rests only on the most breakable threads, on the false promise that the light is waiting at the far end rather than being just an illusion or a figment of imagination to ease our bearings

how can we say that being alive is still better than not?

he beckons to me,
donning a persona as dark as night
yet with it is the promise of light.
his embrace, i am aware, is supposed to feel cold,
yet i swear it's the only place left to find warmth.
his presence proves heavy,
and yet, consent to his touch promises relief.

he beckons to me,
right now he is the man i desire.
he will come for me when time deems it so.
i know because he approaches everyone.
and i wish to come to him now,
yet i cannot find the strength in me to court him.

should i?

the bruised neck and the dangling rope
felt less painful
than the expectations wrapped around her.

the silver blade and the crimson fluid
shone more distinctly
than the dull stack of golden medallions.

the doctor's prescriptions?
oh, she took them.
but she had no time for prolonged treatment for she had her 'obligations'.
so she ingested them all in one go.

and for once,
she had received what she had sought
the honors,
the love,
the concern,
although she had wished she had received those
on a place without the black clothes and the pretentious words of preachers.

her only regret
was that she could not say:

doctors will always find people who need their care
and lawyers will always find people who need defenders for a fare

but when painters go without making a single stroke,
and when musicians leave without composing a single note

only then do we wonder
if the lives of those who fostered fake aspirations
were ever worth their parents' expectations

i don't know if i should direct my hatred to you.
for coming so recklessly into my world and bringing destruction with you,
for telling me i've crossed a line that you never drew,
for leaving without so much as  recognition of the disaster you brought.

i dont know if i should direct my hatred to myself.
for letting you break down my walls only to see you be the reasons why i had them up in the first place,
for giving you the key to a vault containing treasure i know you'd steal,
for being a warrior that turned into a distressed damsel when you came into my life.

i hate how traces of your shadow still appear in my dreams so far past the time when destiny pulled us apart as hard as it did when it pushed us together.

i hate how i unwillingly force myself to see you in everyone because no matter how bitter you taste in my mouth you were once my happiness and i want rediscover that in somebody else.

i hate how now i fear i might lose a person who likes the same things as i do, who fears the ocean like i do, who wonders about space like i do. i fear might lose them only because they didn't have the same way of running their hands through their hair like you do

i hate how i fear i might lose my soulmate simply because they weren't you.

i hate how you became my benchmark, my criteria for others who might actually even be better than you.

i hate how you keep the trophy for being the first person i gave my heart to.

you were a harsh reminder.

i learned it the hard way, but at least now i knew.

first impressions do last.

love, they said, makes terrible contradictions

they said love makes the heart wild and want to be free,
but it also makes you need a home to find solace in

they said love makes you want to think it through and secure a future
but it also wants you to feel and only feel

they said love gives you the best of happiness, joy, and glee
but it also gives you the worst pains, sorrows, and griefs

facts these may be, i believe fear makes worse contradictions

i'm afraid of living in this world any longer
but i'm also afraid to die

it's not surprising.
fear has always been one step ahead of love

They called me a storm,
Because I ravage and destroy while I grow

They called me a tsunami,
Because I swallow you whole before I go

They called me an earthquake,
Because I break and demolish

They called me a eruption,
Because you suffocate while I flourish

Yet when we touched,
It was I who got damaged

When you smiled at me I realized why

You were human,
And you could destroy so much more than a natural disaster can.