To those who struggle;
I am hope..and I pray this message finds the part of you that won't want to hear it...and that it screams loudly until you do.
The only way out..Is through the fire. So I beg you, WE beg you, WE urge you, to somehow..Someway, cultivate the strength and courage to face your demons..Head on.
Face how lost you are, how scared you are. Embrace all that you've become, all you've done, all you've hurt..own it,..Accept it. NOT so you feel *******..But so that you FEEL.
For this is "rock bottom", this is your truth,..And from that dark place of desperation, you can be set free..Yes, you can.
Because soon..that painful awareness..your truth..Starts to turn into anger, an anger that's useful. Your angry for submitting to a demon that has robbed you of love, of family, of respect, and has robbed everyone of you..Then it becomes your fuel, your motivation..your inspiration to kick its *** and to get better...because now your ******, because you understand the truth; ..
That you have been a slave..
And almost instantly..your hunger for freedom becomes greater than than your willingness to stay enslaved. And so you start your ascent..And it's hard, old traps are everywhere, but there's an ARMY..Of people who are also ascending..And who will love you, and you'll do it all together. We'll do it all together..
I believe in you, and I know this is possible. I know it because I did it, and I am you..
Life's a gift...Such a gift, and way too short to stay numb enough to keep choosing to be a slave..Be free.
I believe in you.
Life's waiting..
We're waiting..
Now ******* go get it.

Life, such a splendid puzzle,
It's brilliant design never ceases.
Our dreams provide the game,
And fate provides the pieces.
And I dream..
And in my dreams I am lost,
Seeking a refuge I cannot find.
I awaken with a strange emptiness,
And then she..Comes to mind.
And then I see it..
I see through her brush strokes,
What in my words she can feel.
Through lessons of life, love, and loss,
Like stars..We collide, and heal.
And we connect..
Like branches of the same tree..We connect,
Reaching out toward the endless sky.
Joined by roots born of wonder,
The sun shines love, and passes by.
And I yearn..
Like a broken swan that yearns to fly,
Who's dream is but a feather.
Like an empty, barren, forgotten sky,
Who's dream is but the weather.
And together..
With my battered sails and her wounded love..
We float this sea together.
Connected by the sweet, awful Grace,
Of clever God's that just knew better.
And I hear it..
I hear it calling..
Like the shore calls out the sea
A life spent clumsily chasing the tides..
Now the tides..They chase me.
And it's coming..
Like a band of wild haired stallion's, it's coming
Chasing sweetly the dark of night
Stars beaming overhead so brightly
Not a troubled cloud in sight.
And so I wait..
As the lone wolf waits on the moon,
To light gently, the path of its roam
As the loon cries beautifully in the night for its beloved..
I wait for her to come home.

"The Dig"

She glides in before me
Gentle grace of a Dove
Wild, hungry eyes of a Tiger
Hungry for truth, hungry for love

Words could never do it justice
What she does, how it feels
But when she cuts loose her love
Man it nips at my heels

So caught up in those eyes
Hard to remember what's real
Had been numb for so long
Had forgotten how to feel

Chorus #1 ( ×2?)
So long I've been running
Didn't see her coming
But I dig her..I really dig her

But love IS a battlefield
And I've earned these scars of mine
But why is what I miss the most
What I don't wanna find

And I Know she's scared
Guess what..I am too
Don't wanna let fear win momma
So what we gonna do?

Nothing cuts deeper than love
But behind these walls we'll drown
So take my hand lover girl
Let's burn em' to the ground

Chorus #2 (×2?)
My heart man..It's drumming
To this tune we are humming
And I dig her...I really dig her

So yea..I say **** it
Come with it sweet girl
Let's take a leap together
And give this game a whirl

Cause it's now or never mamma
You know we'll regret it
Just take a look into these blue eyes of mine..
Yea..Come and get it

And I Know right where to go
She tells me with her hips
And I know she's digging me too
She shows me with her lips

And when she's in my arms
With those eyes..So commanding
Don't know where this will take us baby
But our souls.. They're understanding

Chorus #1

Chorus #2

Do not fret beautiful one..
You are not alone in your sadness, in your "missing"..
I miss them too. The profound emptiness that I sometimes feel directly inside my chest...Like now, is proof of that.
I often mourne the loss of being able to call them, or to hold them..or laugh with them, or to tell them how much they meant to me..Or,..Or...
"Hey ma..You remember that time you asked me if I would give my bike (my cherished, beloved, midnight blue, big-boy bmx bike ) to the struggling mother you had befriended, so she could give it to her son for Christmas?
I do.
I was six..Or seven, and it was the moment my young mind was first introduced to selflessness..To kindness, to compassion...to love. WHAT...a moment indeed.
Sometimes I play the "I should've game"..or "if only"..."if only"..
If only.
******* hindsight.
I know the missing of them will never go...And I don't want it to.
They..."the missing"..are the gifts of our life. The main characters to every chapter of every story that has made us......"us". The moments we shared with them, were like little seeds..
Seeds Planted by their friendship, by their love.. by our togetherness. And I find, when i nourish those seeds,  sometimes with sadness, sometimes with happiness. Sometimes with anger....always with love..
Then those seeds, Those "times"..Those "gifts" they left in us in the form of memories..of moments...
They begin to sprout, and with the sprouting, the sadness, The loss, Starts to turn...into a deeply profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the truth.
Because the truth is....
We were so incredibly lucky, to have loved them, and to have been loved by them..in the first place.
Because those moments, well...They Made us.
Every single time I am kind, or make someone laugh..Or think..Or feel. Everytime I struggle, and am beat down, and have no ******* idea how to go on..
In those moments....i remember.
I remember their smile..Their comfort, their strength..
I remember the bike.
I remember everything. And they.."the missing"..give me what I need.
In our memories, in those "seeds", they are alive and well. Within us they're essence thrives, and in that place..They are free. And we, we are grateful. Because to dwell in the sadness, is to dishonor the very gifts they left Within us.
No beautiful one, the truth is...They never really left.

Once....I was adrift on an ocean of self created chaos and destruction.
It's violent waves eventually washed me ashore an island of hope and redemption..
The challenge I see now, was getting there before drowning. Far, far too many of us drown..Before we reach our island.
Those of us who were lucky enough to make it to shore... We're the lucky ones.
So we must stay in the sand...And keep the fires lit, and wait for the others, cause they're coming.. God knows They're coming..
And as they battle through their waves, hopefully...the firelight will guide them home, and they too..Will make it ashore.

As the man's spiral nears it's end...The God's conspired...

"(look!) He calls out his demons." Spoke Brahma
"And seeks them, from within.
He has begun to remove the blindfold,
He is ready to begin."

"Still a long way to go." whispered Shiva
"He'll make it" Aphrodite said
"If he survives the dark night,
If he chooses love instead."

"Indeed he is awakening." Spoke The Buddha
"Though Fear has poisoned his heart,
He sees through the illusion.
And that is when it starts."

"And not a precious moment too soon." Said Odin
"Not many tricks left up his sleeve."
"Yet he held close the only one that matters," reminded Indra
"Look close...He still believes."

"So Great spirit...bring your thunder,
Vishnu, bring your truth,
Jesus, bring your courage,
And let's see what he can do."

"Lupercalia"..The ancient festival
Where the Romans paid tribute to love
With songs and drink, they chased the night
Seeking fortune From above

had I been there, I wouldn't have went
Why choose a petal over the bouquet?
They asked their gods for too little
Lupercalia is every day

I wonder how many of them knew
Perhaps Much to their chagrin
That What they dedperately sought from above
Slept quietly within

Love's the thing that sets us free
From the dark despair of torment
I refuse to celebrate that once a year
So I'll honor it every moment

If true love blossoms sweetly
And blooms For you and your lover
You have found something rare indeed
That some might never discover

No, it doesn't matter what day it is
It's my truth that I must beckon
For what has happened inside this battered heart
I'll celebrate that every second

If to the ground I go slipping
Please take your hand away
For it is I that did the tripping
So it is here that I must stay

But keep near me old friend
For this might become that day
That I earn my right to ascend
And begin to find my way

Never again will I scoff at others
So haunted, pained and smitten
Who were once parylized by loves tender bite
For now I have become the bitten

Seems she snuck upon me that day
In that coffee shop on main
And slipped her potion into my cup
And I've since not, been the same

The barrista's should have warned us
That she'd wisped in just before
But I sipped from her cup nonetheless
And my heart, it thirsts for more

I was content before she showed up
Before she tied me to her reign
Now I'm dazed, and hungry, and all twisted up
Because I was safe before she came

I wonder when she first spotted us
And designed for us this surprise
Was it the moment my words first touched your heart,
Or when I first gazed into your eyes?

I use to think that we chose who we love
But she knew I cheated the game
So she whispers her secret into my ear
But all that I hear is your name

Love it turns out, is an enchantress
Haunting the hearts of sorrow
Calling us to listen closely
And daring us to follow

So here I sit, like a teenage boy
Heart on fire and head spinning
I try and try and try to ignore her
But love, the enchantress..Is winning