How’d you get so far away?

Whatever else changed,

I thought you’d stay.

Never felt so alone,

Laying in bed next to you.

Unable to sleep, but you doze off in peace,

While I’m left to puzzle over the pieces.

Our vessels pass each other in the hall now.

Why does my soul still reach out?

Knowing there won’t be an answer.

Fighting to mask how much I still care,

That I still want you,

But my body betrays me.

You are a solid wall,

Unfeeling and cold.

When did that happen?

“It’s not that bad,” I’m told.

I keep finding worst parts.

My greatest dream

Turned to a nightmare.

And I am stuck here.

Unable to move,

Scared to death,

Is it all too late?

Tonight, the stars wink out

One by one

I look at them

I wish I’d been allowed time to adjust between you

Caring

Then not

Did I make it all up?

How quick we connected

I felt you

Thought you felt me

Our jokes

Wants

What was in our hearts

We looked toward the same horizon

I saw you there

Touches between us blossomed into fire

We had it all

But we were diseased

Then

You got sick

I prayed to gods I wasn’t sure existed

Anything to let you be

I wanted to celebrate

Life with you could continue

Life

Second chances don’t always come so easy

I am so scared

That we used up all our luck

But when I think about it

What is luck

When knowing exists

For I know what my love entails

I have never been reciprocated

I thought this was different

So different

Never having to worry again

I’d found my one

When I tried to touch your face

There was a wall of ice

I’ve swore

Banged my fists

Shouted to any gods who might still be listening

Begged and sobbed

Every night

I reckon with the fact you are gone

I have not been able to accept it.