The cycle began. I was afraid of my mind. I couldn't stand the conversations that took place behind my eyes.
A handful of tiny switches entered my cycle. One tiny switch before work, another before bed. Each and everyday I could feel a light turn off, turn off, turn off. I found myself locked out and in complete darkness. My longest companion, my greatest enemy now ceased to exist.
I wanted silence in a form that I could touch. This silence touched me. It robbed me of the endless scripts I had created with people I didn't even know. I was always prepared for the war that was conversation, that was interaction.
When the tiny switches took away my mind, they created a new fear. A fear I couldn't obsess over like I usually would.
The fear was "Not only have you been evicted from your own thoughts, but there are no thoughts to even be evicted from."

How sick is it to want my mind back? This is an ode to my mind. Come back, will you? You sick thing, come back to me.

I am the reckoner.
Split wood under soft feet.
Serrated chips between gapped teeth.
Fresh paper against finger tips.
I am the reckoner.
I end stories before they begin.
I count to nine and never ten.
Rub fists against brick walls.
And this writing, this abomination, this guilty little ode
will never be finished nor would it ever make sense because that is the moral
of my story.

black bodies lie under blue boots,
doesn't matter if your hands are up;
they'll still shoot

Let us never reach the end of June.
I want to stay in a time where you an I forever loom.
This time was so generous to me,
allowing me to laugh and dance so carelessly.
I couldn't sleep then just as I can't now,
nor can my brothers, something you passed down.
Wisteria and honeysuckle work as one to frame your smile.
I thought I had you forever, but I'm nothing more than a child.
Sometimes I find myself mad at the world for you
but then I hear you say, "don't do anything I wouldn't do".
You cheeky old soul, weaver of grins.
Put in a good word for me up there, you're the only reason I want to get in.