summer nights spent in the backyard
the sounds of the radio mix with our laughter
the smell of the burning fire rises up in the air
i feel happy

3am trying to carry you to bed
the sounds of your cries keep me awake
the smell of cigarettes and alcohol on your breath is nothing new
i feel scared

late nights driving through graveyards
the only sound is that of our breathing
the smell of dust and dirt fills my lungs
i feel tired

early mornings spent alone
the sound of you snoring soundly echoes through the walls
the smell of burnt toast lingers in the air
i feel abandoned

sometimes i am flying high through white
so high nobody could touch me
sometimes i am trapped in gray
feeling nothing, being nothing
most of the time i am drowning in deep dark blue
being dragged under unable to move
i want to experience red and green
i want to dance through yellow and lay in purple
i want to feel things not to an extreme
im tired of flying and drowning
i want to be free

arms
made for carrying the words that spill out of my mouth
not for holding you together
hands
used to create art and write things that hurt too much to say
not to touch you
chest
made to feed the children I have yet to bear
not for your pleasure
legs
to carry me throughout life
not for you to stare at as I walk by
my body is mine
it is for me and will only ever be

the wiring in my brain has been rearranged
people keep telling me that im deranged
i try and speak
but my voice is too weak
somethings not right
everything is too bright
i lie and say im fine
when i cant breath most of the time
i know its all in my head
but its a struggle to get out of bed

some days i wish i had never met you
to go back in time
other days i wish i had never loved you
to erase you from my memory
most days i wish i had never lost you
to be what you wanted

stay far away from me
i am a bomb seconds from blowing
i am broken glass and broken hearts
you will only cut yourself on my jagged edges
i will light you on fire with my actions
and put you out with my words
i am mixed signals
everything i touch turns to dust so dont you dare try and touch me
i will pull you close only to push you away
i am only beautiful in the way that destruction sometimes is
im a car crash you cant help but stare at
stay far away from me