I cradled you
seconds - moments - hours
before your eyes grew dull
and your life
faded away.

Just the night before,
she had held your hand
and whispered
"it'll all be okay."

She was right.

She has to be right.
Please, be right.

I know you never imagined
your life as it is
but you take every trial
as a chance to persevere
and you've made the best
of yourself.

Your children will look back
and wonder how you did it,
as I do,
and you'll smile as you tell them
you just did what you had to,
but god, you do so much more.

You make me want to believe
in fate, in destiny,
but instead,
I believe in you.

You can do anything.

You can do it all.

What if your strength
turns sour,
turns to pain
and you never meet
your final grandchild?
What if you hold on
and hold their hand
and love their soul
before you leave us,
before you leave me.

We'll tell you stories,
but you'll never
hear her laugh
or see her strength
or watch her turn frail
or see her lifeless
or know this pain
you'll never know her
at all.

She left
long before she ended.
Her legacy lives on
and on and on.
She'll never meet you,
but she lived.
She was loved
and she lives on
in all of us.

I've never questioned
          "is this love?"
I knew from the very moment
you laid your eyes upon me.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating,
but just a little bit.

It was love at almost first sight
          (second? third?)
Love at first touch,
first time holding hands,
first kiss on your couch...
Love before I dared to say "I love you"
because I had to be sure,
and I was.

I'll admit, I've had my doubts
but, I swear, never about you
only whether this was too good to be true
and it's not;
it's just perfect enough
for us.

In private,
thoughts creep up
and tell me I am
    inadequate
    unequal
    undeserving
they tell me I am
    worthless
    useless
    fake
and I grin,
I bare it
because I
    think
    hope
    wish
they are wrong
but they're so persistent,
so very convincing,
    maybe they're right
if I can't even be alone
with the thoughts in my own head,
how do I convince myself
otherwise?