The Rock N' Roll man
hung an arm loose
around the pole of the jerking train,
he swayed about like a rag doll,
a half cocked smile on his face,
pants exposing a sharp, ****** hip,
he didn't care.
He's so Rock N Roll

Amnesiac
Addict
Artist

how do you live
without coping?

I know only survival

I like the way
the purple pen
glides thick and smooth
against the off-white pages
of my coping,
so I write aimlessly,
nearly blind,
barely present,
utter nonsense.

the expanse
    cold and relentless
      mocking my nose
   it knows
       my mind is too wasted
     to throw hands
         so it taunts on
       while I
                limbs limp
stare on

Yesterday in church,
I saw a face
and heard a voice,
smooth and low
it blew softly against my neck..
I said Oh who can it be
the Devil he is
starin straight at me
I fall into his arms
and he lets me weep,
he lets me weep,
and I rest at his feet

scribbling aimlessly
what lackluster passion
not passion
just defeated mimicry
shining a light on all that's been lost
the mourning shall never cease
I've been shaped by this disease
and I'm over the envy
undone by instability
the unbearable inadequacy
******* illiterate insanity
and the fight has been tired for so long
             too long
I'm ready for that long sleep
I don't even care if I dream
I can't wait to appease
I can't wait for ease
Oh I can't wait for sleep

he,
has been on my mind lately.
Just a google search away,
there's his face,
wait,
that was 2012?
I was 15,
could have sworn I was a child,
absorbing the crime
with less acknowledgment
than an ant on my arm.
How could I have been 15?
I was so small,
it was so familiar,
and now it seems not so far away.
I suppose I like to think,
the trauma stopped when I grew up,
that all those bad things happened
when I was very small,
but they didn't stop.
They still haven't.
And at the end of the day,
I'm still a little girl,  
clutching my stuffed animals,
trying to make sense
of the world around me.