I lack enthusiasm
sincerity
honesty
generosity
and impartiality

I like sleeping all day
and being up all night
getting drunk
kissing strangers
and getting a take away on the way home

I wish I had the qualities
that you possessed
like confidence
sprightliness
and the ability to get dressed

I feel a thousand pains
all pouring down the same drain
cold
aloof
and vain

Take me to another place
where I don't annihilate
my brain
my body
and my face

One year older
No more wiser
Aging an inevitability

Unwanted
like rain in summer
or a scuff on a new pair of shoes

A day for celebration
should be a day for mourning
black veils and chrysanthemums
a footstone for the grave

A retailers delight
for card companies and cake shops
not for halfhearted smiles
or aging discontent

For me, just another day

One year older
no more wiser
aging an inevitability

morning
approaches indecently
as another day descends

alarm sounds
bursting ear drums
so severe

day, a revulsion
like a carcass
cooking in the heat

gather strength
to leave this nest
of comfort and content

take this pain
and make it rain
to wash over me

until then
pray for a mend
with little victory

When did hating myself become such an art?

I am the Da Vinci of self loathing
aiding in the rebirth of shame and inadequacy

After breathing, it is the thing I do most in life

I don't quite recall when my childhood ended
Innocence, hope, love and happiness
were victims of it's downfall

I was a passionate child and now a passionless adult
Obliterated by the home truths of life

I see smiling faces and hear joyful laughter
They are content

I ask in a world
with unimaginable suffering and gross poverty
how anyone can be content with being content

It is a perplexing affair
as you see I am not without
my pomposity and hypocrisy

It is hard to live an ordinary life
when you feel you are destined for extraordinary things
but extraordinary is for the others
the rich, the beautiful, the exceptionally gifted

I am none of these things

Yet how come this underlying
undeniable, unrelenting, overwhelming feeling
burns through me
like a match reaching it's cindered fulfillment
that I am destined for those extraordinary things

I feel I am nothing
but I am something
a human being
In this world
with mind, body and emotion

Alas there it is again
emotion, my emotion
my pitiful yet unwavering hatred of the only one thing
I truly have and need,
myself.

Equal; the love and hate of my company

Content in isolation
Away from judgmental eyes
A symptom of worthlessness

I possess sight
But have misplaced perspective
A path to self destruction
Destination despair

Happy alone
A burden for no one
Except myself.

A stomach full
Not enough

An addiction for the miserable
While society's an audience
A secret just for me

Once a need
Now a want
A home found in greed

Control
A satisfying victory

A vivid mind
A fledgling soul
Brief happiness

Eternal guilt

A stomach full
Not enough

A dagger,
with which you rip my heart.
A hole remains,
from where I dig a grave.

For us,
I mourn,
as you proceed
to douse me in disregard.

Drowning sorrows,
drunken merriment,
a euphoric disease.

A crowd,
a gaze.
A stare so cold,
my body you freeze.

Frost bitten,
twice shy.

A reconciliation with apathy.