I'm at my so called friend's wedding.
I can't even blame him for what he's done
After all we're half a year through it now
And I'm much worse off.
It makes you think.
At the time it was sacrilege to condone or even sympathize but here I am
He's a Saint next to me but no one knows or ever can.
I'd rather die than put anyone through that again.
It's pointless anyway when you try to think
There's no good **** reason why I should be trying but here I am not throwing in the towel quite yet regardless of what it looks like on the outside.
Barely alive but I guess still kicking.
I don't know how it's all gonna pan out from here but I've faced most of my fears already
Isn't that enough?

Can't stop feeling this way.
Every second, every day.
There's not much else to say.
If only there was a god
who'd take my pain away.
I haven't the courage to do it myself
Tonight.

I remember when we fell in love.
We were inseparable, you and I.
I don't know what happened and I'm brought to tears as I write this.
I'm not the man you thought I was,
The man I thought I was.
I couldn't manage not to **** this up.
Everything I do seems to upset you and we just want different things.
Every night what's left of me is torn to pieces
As I lie in that empty bed we share.
The man you married has hollowed, and what's left isn't enough.
Enough to call a man, that is.
You shouldn't have known, stop beating yourself up kid.
No one could've predicted my world collapsing the way it did.
I'm just sorry it's taking yours down too.

Why do I only seem to want the bad things out of life?
Ive been thrown a bone way too many times and still can't go a week without ruining everything I've built my life upon.
It's disgusting how little my upstanding virtues play a role in my decisions come time to put them into practice.
I've the strong moral conviction but no application,
The worst kind of person.
It can't all be true and it can't all be wrong.
I'm stuck in an existential headspin about a dozen times a week and
I know what I should think but I can't bring myself to care but it still keeps me up at night.
It shouldn't matter after all I'm just a spec on a rock floating alongside billions of others.
But if it does I'm ****** and I know it.
I died with my faith but I put on the closest thing I can to a happy face to keep a buffer of transient alien space so I don't have to show my morbid attitude.
None of it means a thing and I'm still coming unglued.
Still freaking out.

It hurts; all of it
I'd be lying if I said I was content with the way things were
With the way my life is
This isn't how I wanted it to go
I'm **** with you
I'm dead without you
What is one to do in my situation?
I can't ******* take it

There is nothing left for me
I've returned to my life
I'm going on as if we never happened
But I can't anymore;
You were here in my life
And I'm not who I was before you
I can't be him, I can't be me
I can't ******* take it

He's ****** up
And I can't get away
He draws my blood
I can't escape him, and I never will
How could I, when he's in my head
He screams at me most nights
But others, he abandons me
I cannot ******* take this anymore

Stop saying that, you're not at fault here
I'm the one who ****** up
I'm sorry you're the one getting punished
You deserve better, but I'm all you want
I'm nothing special, but I understand
I was once in the same boat
I'm still supposed to be there
I'm done