I wish it was gone. The pain, the work, the humiliation. I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!!!!!!! I wish it never happened, I’m always asking why. It drives me mad. I wish it was gone. Just wish it was gone.  

This is Not what defines me. I am Not merely my flaws. I am so much more. So. Much. More. I will not let my flaws define me. No more of that, I am done hiding, I am done denying. I had a stroke when I was four. It changed my life forever. I woke up in an ambulance, seeing dragons; seeing possibilities. My life changed forever. I had a stroke it affected the right side of my brain.  It changed my life forever. I now walk with a limp, my left leg drags behind. My life changed forever. I only use one hand, my left is weak and unable to move well. But it can move. It changed my life forever. It hurts to move, to get the left part of me to copy the right. It is hard and yes it HURTS. My life changed forever. Sometimes it is hard for me to speak, my mouth doesn’t always move right. It changed my life forever. I have three friends. They live in my head. Right where I had my stroke, they help me, they help me get through it all. My life changed forever. This does not define me, it has never BEEN me. Yet  it is all part of me. It changed my life for the better.

He reached out a hand to me, that angel did. But I did not take it, no I did no take it. I stared at his hand and the dark tunnel behind him. I was afraid of the dark; it would be good to have someone with me. He smiled that angel, a warm loving smile, one that makes the corners of your eyes crinkle up. I knew that I would not go down that tunnel, I would not take that angel's hand. Instead I smiled in return and turned away. That tunnel is still there, that angel is still waiting. I did not go with him then, and I shall not go with him now; but I'll go with him someday hand in hand that offer from so many years ago finally fulfilled. But I shall not go, I shall not go until I know the answer. The answer to a question that everyone asks. I shall find the answer. Why? I shall find the answer and then and only then shall I take that angel's hand and walk into the Great Perhaps.

We are on this Earth.
       We are here and now.
         In this tiny pocket of
                      Space.


     We are here and now.
         So small in the picture of
                          Space.
                     But Why?

    So small in the picture
       Why were we painted?
                    Space.
              Can we do any thing to change it?

Why were we painted?
   Are we here to learn?
       But Why?
   Are we here to make a change?
    
  Are we here to learn?
    And if so what?
Are we here to make a change?
    What kind of change are we to make?

And if so what?
If we are made in a higher power's image.
  What kind of change are we to make?
   In infinite time and space.

If we are made in a higher power's image.
  Do we have the power to make change?
   In infinite time and space.
Are we allowed to take our lives in our hands?

Do we have the power to make change?
   We are too small to learn.
Are we allowed to take our lives in hand?
   What is our purpose on this Earth?

We are too small to learn.
  Why do we not question that?
What is our purpose on this Earth?
  Is it just to exist?

Why do we not question?
  When do we begin to learn?
    Is it just to exist?
      But that goes against our very nature.

When do we begin?
  To make or take a life and shape it against the mold.
   That goes against our very nature.
   Why don't we take that chance?

To make or take a life, shape it against the mold.
Is it wrong to be different?
Why don't we take that chance.
  Everything is important.

Is it wrong to be different?
  And hold everything in value.
     Everything is important.
   So why are some things treated as if they were not?

Hold everything in value.
It is why we all are here.
Why are some things treated as if they were not?
     It is our job to right that wrong.

It is why all of us are here.
  To change the world, make it better.
      It is our job to right the wrongs.
       We must take that step.

    We are all here
  In this tiny pocket of
     Life and death.
That is why. We are on this Earth.

My whole life I've been told
     to act my age
But what does that
     truly mean?
I have two different ages
    one that I look,
one that I feel.
So which
am I supposed to be,
  or is it something
     in-between?
I still watch Disney movies
   I know the words to all the songs
But at the same time I've seen other movies,
  movies with violence, gore, and ***
So which one is my age?
I sleep with stuffed animals
I'll usually be reading
    a fairy-tale.
Yet my dreams don't involve
            happily ever after,
my dreams are harsh,
     full of reality.
That feels like a
           dream.
I'm somewhere
   in-between.
People keep telling me
      "Act your age."
But I don't know my
               age.
In fact I don't think
   I have one.
Growing up is
not a thing,
So I can never
  truly grow
          up.
Like Peter Pan
                   I
am stuck in a perpetual
          NeverLand.
Never really changing
Never truly aging.
   It's impossible to
            grow up,
so why do we try?
I don't know why.
  But I will never ever
      never
             Grow Up.
(And really why should I?)

To be mute
  Yet to be heard.
    To tremble
but be unafraid.
       To be shy
    Yet voice opinions.
      All these are
     contradictions.
Sadly those people
  who are full of them
are pushed aside
  like a broken toy.
That is a mistake.
  We should listen to
        these people.
    These weirdoes,
        visionaries.
These walking talking
    breathing contradictions.
Take it from
               one
We know what
     we're doing
           We know what
        we say.
          So please just
                 stop
     and listen.
               Listen
                for a day.

Those who laugh give me strength
Those who pity give me independence
Those who help give me hope
Those who look on
and do nothing
give me resilience.

People think I'm weird I laugh
People give up I pity
People who help I admire
People who do nothing I reach for.
Life goes on people live and die
still among us
we stand forever,
united and
strong.

I am who I am
there is no changing that,
who I am is
me.