i ride buses
going to and fro the lights
reminiscing, undercurrents etched in cinder block wood
hazy; whether or not those were happy times
its not too cold
maybe i should skip to the other one
but diesel fuel needs a few more minutes
to pick up its momentum
and now i glide from various vantage points
unsure and i lack courage to sit alone
now sandwiched between the window and chance passengers
forced to recall inches beneath the waist
bullied by bodies refusing to move and give space
maybe if i said "excuse me" i'll be able to alight
i wont go home on foot though

i. tear the last pages of a memory serving to make me space out like the other night before

ii. have a digestible evening once served with wine, now with only a sip of fake untested usefulness

iii. quietly place my hand over your warm inflections or just absorb what was an embrace... if you let me

iv. avoid staring at people sitting in parkway benches. please don't litter. i'm tired of being alone

v. i was hoping to say "i miss you" but the words seem to not flow through as intended. sorry, i wasn't ready for your glow.

I remember the first time
we pressed our bodies together
And wondered how two morbidly
wretched souls
Can somehow manage to make
unicorn rainbows
Skin peeling off in all directions
like a sorry house in a tornado
Ivory gnashing lips bruising
what could only be called a
sadistic guide to that doorway
An entrance that I might want to
explore
Flowing through every gape and hole
like some mechanical oil
Stark raving mad about some idea
that maybe once we're done
exchanging our putrid-ness
every bit of tar in my body'd
come out in a filter or a cigarette ****
How can you be so ******* perfect
and scary and remind me of ice cream in
indian summers
Can this be real where every kiss
is a stab wound through my vital organs
Judging by the fact that I'd like to take
you out and have tea with the Mad Hatter
and that insane hare
Leave you bare and leave you there
Coz you may be foreign here but I was foreign there
Suffering here in sovereign fear
But I wouldn't stretch you thin although
you'd really be imprinted, Cheshire Cat-like
leaving your smile or should I say gnarl
You'd be the best of my days

sandwiching yourself
between the silk and sheets
you embrace the soft
feathery cushions
where our faces would
melt with each other
how i'd try and slip
my hands and move to
make you warm
or how you slide your feet
and tangle them alongside
those thighs which seem
to indicate that
we both hunger for our
opposites
you would lay there
back pressed against
the bubbles
waiting for any execution
of those heated conversations
we have in absent early mornings
i'd hear you catch your breath
and maybe moan a little bit
as the shivers turn into sweats
the silk turn into flesh
i love it when you flush red
you hate it when i stop
abruptly, trying to find my pace again
during the course of that late
afternoon bliss
our bodies would be exhausted
by the fervor beneath our bones
a bloodlust targetting a vein
its too early to explode
but beauty doesn't last forever
so id make the most out of it
in cold weather

You drench your skin
with milk and honey
then swiftly grace the halls
like gazelles in a safari
electric, like the current
moving with ease
in saltwater
how justified the steps
you take and make the
ground move and quake
tectonic movements
that shape the earth
the air you breathe
and exhale during whispers
ignite fires
provide explosions
passionate kisses
untamed melodies
coming out of those lips
moving slowly like an eclipse
how you blind with the glow
inaudible gratitude
falling like snow
and just as you appear
disarming every foe
you take away the life
disappear in the shadows

swivel like leaves
trying to embrace
the wind in autumn spectrums
others may recall unending
words
"will i die?"
"will i live?"
but words are only sound
bursting itself from
those fine vocal chords
twirl, vanilla ice cream sundae
in your white dress
with your feet touching the grass
smothering them
and dirtying your soles
short hair spectacle
smile more
laugh a little longer
you'll get a puppy soon enough
and go to college stronger
impulses like trying to catch
buses you always miss
will be gone
stay
dont force it
lastly, weep only when snowflakes
touch your cheek

its okay
its okay
and maybe the words i speak
seem so appalling
i can only look at you
without blinking
it feels weird now
since im used to
flanking you
preventing excursions
now i rush towards the center
and take my cap off
for security inspections
you go the other way
i punch the card
ride the train
clenched fists
a faint hint of shaking
its okay
its okay
i was seriously thinking of
falling off of that footbridge
reflections of buildings glaring
but i continue to walk
all the while scratching my arms;
baseline for replicants
im way off the mark
there's a bit of sobbing
near-tear ordeals
god, its like im being crushed
on an everyday basis
i wish it could stop
but its okay
its okay
im meant to be this way
unhinged and mute