I try my hardest to find someone to escape myself with
I find a person that makes it easiest for me to stray from my darkest thoughts
I've been running from myself since I was a child
Does that make me childish, that I try so hard to escape my own faults?
Or does it rather, make me human?
I go to people to get away from me, that makes me a terrible person right?
I’m like a leech
I **** the happiness and wisdom from those around me until they burn me off
That could only mean I’m better off alone right?
I am writing this piece about myself, that makes me conceited, right?

That night was the best and worst night of my life
You helped me up off the floor
Both literally and metaphorically
There was something forceful to the way you said my name
When you walked into the room witnessing me unzip my veins

I don't remember what happened after the moment when you rushed over to me
I think I passed out from blood loss
I might have fallen faint from emotion overdose
All I remember is waking up on a couch in your arms covered in bandages

You told me that you'd be there with me forever
And that night was the best and worst part of my life
Because for a while that was true
And my veins remained untouched
And then you left me

I don't really remember what happened after you left
But I'm still here today
I mean I guess you could say that I'm physically here
But my mind and my spirit always drift off to search for you
And they scream out "you promised"

You see when my spirit and mind leave me
I can't control my physical self very well
And my physical self has the tendency to search for the inner workings of my veins
Just as my mind and spirit search for you
(My physical self is looking for you too
It knows that you're somewhere in there)

That night was the best and worst part of my life
For many ludicrous reasons
The funniest thing about it all
Is that I believed a beloved liar would keep my veins mended

I've developed a bad habit
Of biting my lips until the skin won't tear
Which I never did when you were around
Because you always liked them perfectly glossed
I don't fall asleep with my phone near my ear now
But apparently that gives you cancer anyway
(I hope you don't get cancer
While you're talking to your new lover)
And I have quite a few more glasses of ***** now than I ever did
And my laugh just isn't as loud and vibrant
And my daily make-up routine is much more complex
And I can't listen to certain songs anymore
And I sometimes wonder if I'll ever feel loved again
If anyone could pretend to care as much as you did
But I haven't given up hope quite yet

I remember the darkness
It was so thick I couldn't see
And the demons in my closet
Were my only companions

The light tried to shine through
The warmth almost reached me too
But the darkness overcame me
And I was alone again

The plastic is still on the lamps in the living room
And some of the wrapping is still on the television downstairs
They both serve as tiny reminders
That this house is not a home
The closet in the basement still squeaks no matter how gently you open it
And the dishwasher's hinges creak no matter how fast you close it
They both serve as tiny reminders
That no matter how much you may want something to be otherwise
Sometimes it just isn't going to happen
The red smear at the bottom of the bathtub
And the faded lines that litter my upper thighs
Both serve as tiny reminders
Of the nights that I just wasn't strong enough
But that same smear of blood at the bottom of the bathtub
And those same scars on my legs
Both serve as tiny reminders
That I had just as much will to continue on
As the amount of will I had to cause them

Two hands
Longing for each other's warmth
Searching for one another
In the darkness

Their fingers tremble
Finding comfort in their suffering
They inch a tiny bit closer
Such a simple thing meant so much more

Their hands finally become one
The darkness became weary
Their interlocked bones gave their hearts a place to rest
When pain and fear had turned and left