ficklesouls

ficklesouls Sep 2013

Tired

This is the darkest that I've ever felt
You know that
You've known that for a long time
You didn't have to tell me that you cared you know
You could've taken your outing just like everyone else has
My mind has been a dark place for years
But you're just now deciding to recognize it?
*******
I'm tired of writing about you
I'm tired of caring about you
I'm tired of loving you
In all honesty
I just wish I never met you

ficklesouls Sep 2013

The Worst In Me

You found the worst in me
That's why you had to leave
I never wanted to be loved by anyone
Until I heard the way you told me that you loved me
Until you woke me up at 3am to go on a walk to who knows where
I never wanted to be loved by anyone
Until I was loved by you
You finally came close enough to find the real me
And that's when you tried to mend the torn parts of my soul
With kind words and constant compliments and a few grams of your own kind of happiness
You knew that if you came too close you'd be just as ****** up as I was
And you couldn't let that happen
You couldn't fix the unfixable
You couldn't love the unlovable
That's why you had to leave
I never wanted to be loved by anyone
Until you tried your hardest to make me feel again

ficklesouls Sep 2013

Seven Devils

Holy water cannot help me now
I've come to burn your kingdom down
No rivers and no lakes can put the fire out
I'm going to raise the stakes,
I'm going to smoke you out

I'll wash away all the attachment
And I'll annihilate my emotions
I won't look back even for an instant
I no longer owe you my devotion

You see I was dead when I woke up this morning
And I'll be dead before the day is done
There are seven devils all around me
There are seven devils in my heart

I've felt the burning in my soul
And the pain you've caused has taken a toll
My heart has a gaping hole
Where my emotions used to be

There are seven devils all around me
There are seven devils in my heart
I've been dead since that dreary morning
I was dead before I picked up that gun

Based on Florence + The Machine's song seven devils

ficklesouls Sep 2013

A Cigarette and Frankness

"I still love you"
How dare you tell me something like that
I could actually believe you
I see you eyeing the lit cigarette in my mouth
Wanting to either take it from my possession and smoke it yourself
Or throw it into the lake in front of us and watch it drown with your deception
This cigarette tastes just like your kisses used to
I don't know if that's good or bad
I always did fancy a good old fashioned poison
In the form of love
I still haven't said a word
You repeat yourself
"I still love you"
I see you trying to look me in the eyes for some sort of reciprocation
You'll never hear me tell you that I still love you too
Even if I do
"You have a girlfriend to love"
Your jaw clenches
You have no reason to be agitated
You brought this on yourself
"But I love you more"
"But you still love her"
You are silent
I throw my finished cigarette into the lake in front of us
I stand up
Dust off my bewilderment
And walk away
The wind barely catches my whisper as I walk
"I still love you too"

I am bad at words

ficklesouls Sep 2013

Tiny Reminders

The plastic is still on the lamps in the living room
And some of the wrapping is still on the television downstairs
They both serve as tiny reminders
That this house is not a home
The closet in the basement still squeaks no matter how gently you open it
And the dishwasher's hinges creak no matter how fast you close it
They both serve as tiny reminders
That no matter how much you may want something to be otherwise
Sometimes it just isn't going to happen
The red smear at the bottom of the bathtub
And the faded lines that litter my upper thighs
Both serve as tiny reminders
Of the nights that I just wasn't strong enough
But that same smear of blood at the bottom of the bathtub
And those same scars on my legs
Both serve as tiny reminders
That I had just as much will to continue on
As the amount of will I had to cause them

ficklesouls Sep 2013

Disheartened

To win the heart of a disheartened person
Is not to savagely dominate
We must hear more than the lust and desire
We must find the true calming sinew in your voice

To love a disheartened person is no easy task
We are not accustomed to the sedation of a true "I love you"
A disheartened person does not trust love
We run from its lies and its heartache
Please understand
I run from love
Not you

ficklesouls Sep 2013

Letting Go

One of the most difficult things I’ll ever do
Is choose to let you go
To move past you and your sweet nothings

I’m scared to give up the things you left behind
I’ve clung to your words, sewn them into my skull
The sweater you left has held me more nights than you ever did
And although the love you claimed to have had for me was never true
It was what urged me to make myself better
Prettier
Smarter
Wiser
I was willing to do anything to make me a better me
But only if it was for you
And I fear that letting you go
Will put me back to square one

— The End —