I feel like my world is crashing down
like I’m the strange girl waking around
like I belong nowhere
I feel like everything is wrong
I’m sick of everything
I’m sick of putting up a smile I don’t mean
tired of not being able to talk
I wish I was the one that was gone
I feel like I’m out if control of everything
not even being able to cut open my arms I want to but I don’t want people to see it
it would be just one pain that I could control
I’m so tired of everything
I don’t know what to do anymore
I miss someone I could talk to, to the real me
I don’t even know who I am anymore
I feel like I hate myself
I want this to end
I really just want it to be over
I don’t want to hear my brother scream anymore
I don’t want to see my mom unhappy anymore
and I don’t want to see her in any pain anymore
and I want my dad to give me u hug and say I know your not fine
I want my little brother to grow up  in a different place
not like this
like screaming people are normal
like the smell of **** is normal
like all this stress is normal
because it’s not it can’t be normal

Loosing optimism
Always looking forward to what comes next
to the good that is coming
knowing everything will change
the puzzle of your life will come together
Just dream your dream and don’t give up
fight for it
life may **** right now but it will change
you won’t be in this place forever
you still have a whole life a head of you
But that view changed
It changed the day they told me the pain won’t go away
that changed the day they told me to change my life whit no hope of getting better
the day they told me I was chronically ill and it has no treatment  no cure
Now I don’t know what I’m fighting for
every day I wake up knowing it only gets worse
not knowing how long I can do this
Feeling like I can’t handle anymore but it’s just the beginning
so please tell me what I’m I fighting for
because I don’t see the good that is coming

that day

My alarm goes off, brainfogg turns on
Just 10 min more and i’ll feel oke, eeuhm not stop telling that lie to yourself
Get out of bed, get dressed
Black spots everywhere, just sit and don’t faint

Keep telling yourself you’ll be owkey
Wondering should i visit the doctor? everything hurts i don’t think that's normal
Ow right i have fibromyalgia
They tell me i have to accept that, that you have to learn to live with it and don’t fight it
Yeah tell me i’m depressed
Easy said isn’t it
You can go home just made a lot of money for what ?
For telling me i’m never getting better, just hope you don’t get worse
For telling me i’m depressed and i just have to accept
For telling me to change my hole life; stop working, stay to the same routine but when i ask you how that is even possible without money etc you don’t have an answer

How can i accept something i never wanted
How can i accept something that makes everyday so ******* hard
How can i accept something that hurts me all the time
It’s like telling someone to accept their abusive partner that hurts them everyday

Don’t tell me i need to stop fighting it!! because the moment i stop fighting it i’ll stop fighting the urge to make an end to it all

And don’t compare my pain to a pain you had when you walked for hours and whit a heavy backpack and your shoulder started to ache  and you could think away the pain.
I dont have the energy to think away the pain every ******* second of the day

But you are right about one thing: yes i am depressed i’ve been that way for a long time now
But you were the first person to ever tell me that. the first person where i dropped my act and you didn’t do **** about it.
I told you i rather wanted to be terminally ill than to have this and you just told me to accept it