It is 01:03
and I wish I could feel
the arm cradled around my waist
the hand stroking my hip
like I could at 01.03
two months ago

I don’t need you
I want you

You held me back
you helped me

You made me bitter
but oh so sweet

I don’t like you
I miss you

You hurt me
but did you mean to?

I resent you
I'm still in love with you

I’m better off without you
*come back

Perhaps I do not help myself
by writing of you
and how you tore at the tendons
of my heart

But sometimes
it makes things seem a bit more real
even if it does hurt
and people tell me to forget him

But it is very difficult to forget someone
when they speak to you
in your dreams

He** knew me
He knew my bones
He knew my worries
He knew all my stupid routines
He knew the flesh on my thighs
He understood my problems
He understood why I needed him
He understood my body at 2am on a Monday morning

He did not accept my wrists
He did not accept my cries
He left nothing but a murmur
He left nothing but a chill

He left me and never returned

I still feel absolutely foul
I still hope that one day you'll realise
I still know how your body felt
I still can't get over it
I still wish I could wake up and this is all nothing but a dream

It terrifies me that even after everything
If I was stood on the edge of a cliff ready to jump
you would be the only person who could get me down

Tandem bicycles are a bit like love
They do not move with just one person trying
Both people have to push
or it just doesn't work

So why didn't you push?