My sister was a wildflower. She grew through the weeds into a pastel purples and blues and pinks. She was the happy child who was shielded from everything.
The favorite.
The loved.
The wanted.
She would laugh and laugh. And cry when we kissed her goodnight. She loves the sun- heck her name means sun- and playing hard.

But that was a year ago.

Now she's going through some phase that I can't comprehend.
"I love you"...god when was the last time she said that to anybody? I see through her big blue eyes and her dry comments. I see her world become a cynical cell that nobody has the key to. I see her door being locked and her mouth twisted until I can't see her anymore. All that's left is this thin outline- a faint memory- of the vibrant little sister.

And I am reminded that flowers also die.

I feel the weight lifting off of my shoulders
and your face fading ever so slightly out of my mind
It's been two weeks now since we were over
and a week since our last texts

"hey hru"
"I'm good now :) u?"

My friends made a 'get over him cake'
It had raspberry frosting
Your favorite berry

I'm not over you, ofc
but I'm almost there

My dear,
you are my sunflower
facing the sun head on.

My dear,
your laugh is my medicine.
I could stare at your smile all day long...
if only you smiled more

My dear,
rooted to the crumbling dirt ground,
save some yellow for yourself.

The sun explodes into a thousand pieces and whispers thousands of impossible dreams into my ear. I hear your laugh in the traffic and see your eyes in the stoplight. All at once I am hit with a thousand memories of everything we were and everything we could be.  Your messy hair in my comb and a picture of you is still framed. Frames mean permanence.

At the party my eyes wander for your missing face at the party. I faintly feel your arm on my shoulder and lips on my forehead kissing me goodnight.

The moon comes over me and I feel the cold run through my skin. There is lipstick on my teeth and my brain is foggy from last night. My head is pounding and foggy from last night.  God, what happened last night? Did I do something stupid?

You're gone and the car behind me has honked me for the third time now. My tiny blue civic lurches past main street and the lights reflect in the mirrors. I check the time on my phone. No messages, but thousands of updates on my feed.

2:54 a.m.