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f Feb 2018
i’ve loved and been loved,
seen smiles so whole my heart grew tenfold,
then crumbled because it was too full.

a self-destructive act,
i fell in love with a girl who put all her love
right between us so i couldn’t see her anymore,
and i had to yell to reach her.
so she stopped listening because
all my words turned ugly.

and it took all the breath i had in me
to search the souls of others
and forget how soft hers was to the touch.

an alternative,
i found solace in the mouth of a boy who said
nothing ever could quite measure up
to the beautiful curves of my body.
somewhere in the midst of empty words
and miles of beautiful skin,
i found myself wondering if i fell in love with
the soft way his mouth find mine,
or the pretty words he spoke against my skin.

and so i broke him to see what was inside,
each cracked piece vanishing right in front of me
cutting my fingers
until i could only hold onto a bloodied memory
of the corners of his smile.

i found love in the details,
in two heart-broken heartbreakers
cut from the same cloth;

and i am the reckless seamstress
who holds scissors like they are
a toy, love like it is a toy;

and i am the defect.
f Feb 2018
when the pretty girl bleeds out onto a sheet of paper, the shine of her blood is so beautiful it distracts all the boys. she writes sad poems for every one of them and they take turns guessing who each is about, and she no longer cries at night.

when the pretty girl scrapes her knee on the pavement and cries, the boys pick her up because she is bleeding, and surely hers isn’t the kind of pain you could waste on a scraped knee. they fix her up and buy her a brand new pen, and she continues writing sad poems for them. she sometimes cries at night.

when the pretty girl gets a boyfriend…

still, all the boys look at her. he is no longer his own person, but a trophy acquired on a shelf of people, the lucky ones she writes poems about. she writes love poems and sad poems, and every boy tells himself that they are about him. she usually cries at night.

the pretty girl stays pretty, and her poems stay beautiful

until one day she isn’t.

when the pretty girl gets her first wrinkle, she is no longer the pretty girl. her poetry was once a token of her youth, but she has now placed it on her shelf amongst other trophies. still, the sad rhymes map the lines upon her face, and she doesn’t know how to stop bleeding.
f Feb 2018
a party joke:
and my sobriety is the punchline.

i walk into the room because i'd just been bleeding and i want to forget. at the price of a reputation, or any innocence, i walk in knowing that i'm drinking to escape myself. everyone else knows the birthday boy also wants me drunk.

my sobriety is the punchline, but i can’t even remember the joke.
f Feb 2018
close your eyes.

imagine a world where your mother loved you,

pretend your mother loved you.

i’m not the defect; i can love.
you can’t.
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