I feel out of control
I feel out of my mind
I feel lost in time
I feel like I can't take this much longer

I feel these tears Rollin down
Like a train on its tracks
I feel a train wreck coming
I feel I'm gonna breakdown

I feel my feet pulling me to a place I don't know
I feel trapped in a place that's supposed to be home
I feel like the towns line is too far to reach

I feel too familiar with these walls
I don't hear God talking back at all
I feel like He ain't gettin my calls

I feel so done
It's out of my hands
Which is why I have to put it in God's
Because I can't do this on my own

I feel tired of fighting
I feel numb to the world
It can knock me down
But I'll stand to fight again

I feel my soul
Standing in the wind
Not afraid of the storm within

I feel my heart
Beating strong
Holding on to hope

I feel my mind
Strong as ever
Not afraid of the fight

I'm not sure if I can fight to stay alive
Or even if I'm willing to die
I'm at the point where I just don't know
I so wanna fly
But I'm stuck on the the ground
I want to just float
But the waves reach for me
I need to run
But I don't know what I'm running from

I lead a lot of different lives
I hate when those worlds collide

You see me in the streets I got my ripped up jeans and a face that says "look but don't touch"
See me on my mean machine with my leather jacket with a look you're scared to decipher
See me in pink I can talk like I own being a blonde
See me in a dress, ha that'll never happen, but if somehow it does you'll see I can wear formal as an expression
See me on a horse with my cowgirl hat, you'd think I'd never known any other life
With only back roads and the stars to keep me company
See me with paint on my face or my hands covered in lead, you'd think art was my life
See the pages and pages I've written you'd think you've had to of seen my work because no one that's written that much couldn't be published
See me in my room doing homework and you'd believe I'm a nerd and that's how I've only always spent my life
And there's so many more
The point is, you can't look at me once and fit me with an accurate stereotype
I've been everything
I can change in an instant with simply putting on a hat and losing a jacket
To actually know every side of me, you'd have to see me more than you think

I can't do this much longer
Every day I feel my back shrug a little more
I feel my voice going silent
I feel my soul being beaten to a pulp filled with only my blood
I feel imagination being ripped from me
I feel my feet dragging
I feel my heart shrinking
I hear my mind screaming
**I feel tortured

That's all I ever do in these classes;
I memorize
I never learn
I simply carve things on the edge of my mind
Only for them to fade away after the week long war
The unfortunate thing is that these memories die in these short battles that I have to live through every single week
It doesn't end for me

I sit in these classrooms feeling my soul taking punches
Being bruised constantly
Never fully healing

I spend my days in these classrooms surrounded by halls that I wait to escape from
Only to have to come and spend my time doing homework

I swear one day though
It will end

I'm tired of being people's punching bag
I'm the thing they practice all their moves on
Beating me senseless with every new torture technique they find
What they're trying for though isn't boxing
It's a game that ends you
They **** me everyday
Trying to prepare themselves for a war
I go through a war everyday day and
every night

I used to think I was strong
Used to
But apparently other people haven't stopped thinking that because they keep coming back
They don't come back for me
They come back for what I can offer
The only things they give me is
Pain-filled company
Beatings
Heartache

Maybe they don't actually think I'm strong enough and that's why they keep coming back
They leave thinking I'm broken
Only to return and find out they were wrong
I'm not sure if that's good
I'm not sure if it's good that I won't break
Because it doesn't feel like it
It feels like I'm losing
I hate losing
But I don't know how to win this war

They're supposed to be training to fight in a different war
They supposed to fight with and beside me
But they throw punches my way
I don't know how to fight back
Should I?
They're supposed to be my friends
Maybe I'm wrong and they're trying to simply break down my walls

I built strong walls
I know that
It was on purpose
I would love for someone to try and break them
I want  someone to fight for me
But why does it feel like they're fighting against me?
I want them to tear into me and find my soul; to connect with it
What it seems like they're doing is beating me so I can no longer stand
That way it's easier to **lay my head in the guillotine