I had that dream again
I remember just the white hall
And the windows were all dark
When you whispered "we are alone"
And I told you "I Know"

The dream where you debated dying
You were too little to remember
But that's ok, I am not sure that
I would want you to anyway

It was too familiar, like before.
The grain of the wooden door
And as it swung open on its hinges
I told you all was forgiven

You looked so scared.
Like you were  unprepared
But you were only five
Too young to decide to not be alive.

I was too slow.
I couldn't even scream
As I fell to me knees
With you in front of me

So now you know,
That was when I woke crying
And I couldn't stop from lying
When I said nothing was wrong
And I am the reason your dying.

I was little and afraid
Of your anger in the world
That we made.
The loudness and the shatter
Of my heart when nothing else mattered
In the dark, but not at night
I knew nothing could ever be right

I really tried and I lied
When I swore I wasn't tired
Of all of this
Of the constant panic and alone
Too familiar in this awful home
I remember running and
Wanting to get caught
Because i just forgot
That you were nothing like i thought

And I want to let go
But your anger eats away
At all i should have been
And now it's dark all day
Do you even see me?
Did you even know,
That all I ever wanted
Was for you to let go.