I'll be the silky, fine sand that
slipped through your fingers.

Oh baby it's come to this now.
I'll be your one that got away.

When you see me
your heart
will feel
so
gritty.

Oh handsome poison
how fast we're fading.
So fast that the word
"we"
no longer applies.

I fought with passion,
my fire burned true.
Smoldering ashes
were all I was given
in return from you.

For the first time in weeks
I truly felt better today.
I'm no longer missing
those minuscule pieces
that kept me distant
and made me so hollow.
I'm no longer faking
the smile that curls
and warms my lips.
I'm no longer waiting
for the apology
that will never happen.
I'm no longer wanting
what cannot be fixed
and will rust and fade.
Slowly but surely
I'm finding myself again.
As my strength mends
thorns shroud my heart.
I will not let this happen.
I will never be this weak again.

I should have left you
an oddly familiar face
an attractive stranger.

I should have left you
sitting with that smile
but curiosity won me.

I should have left you
in the past
where you belonged.

Instead I walked over
and asked your name.
Instead I fell for you
too fast
and you did the same.

Now that it's over
through the pain
I finally glimpse
the bitter truth.

You were the most handsome poison
I've ever let numb my guarded heart.

I saw you once again today
but I didn't fall apart.
I felt your gaze
pretended not to notice you
and it didn't shred my heart.

I saw you once again today
but something in me had changed.
The ashes are forming into feathers
and the feathers are sparking into flames.

Today was perfectly normal until I saw you.
Today was just fine until I had to pretend I
didn't notice you and act distracted by nothing.
I was ok until I recognized you and flinched.
My heart raced but not like it used to.
It pounded in fear instead of fluttering lightly.
I had just started to rebuild myself.
The cinders of my confidence and strength had
started to glow dimly, my assurance whispering.
In that moment they were instantly doused.
Leaving me weak and allowing my eyes
to nearly betray the ashes I have become.
I never tried to tell if you had noticed me.
Relief flooded me pathetically as you left.
I'm not proud of how cornered I had felt.
I'm broken but I need to believe I'm improving.
With ashen fingers,
empty eyes,
and shallow breaths,
I weakly pick up my pieces.
Some day I'll be whole again...
One day I'll look back at this and laugh.

I have nothing but love for a blue sky
and how its glory opens up my mind.
How it shoos away grey thoughts
of color neutral, sleeping forests.

Oh blue sky.
If I had wings
I'd make you mine.
You'd be my canvas
and my feathers,
your delicate brushes.

Oh bright blue sky
If only I had time
to sit under you
and admire your clouds.
You wear them so well.

Instead in a monotone,
desaturated schedule
I march onward.  
Only able to admire
for passing moments
inbetween places and times.
Blanketed by your sunlight.

That crushing sensation
that you just can't take
no
not anymore.
Please.
No more.

Claw your fingers
through your hair
play that song
again
and again
once more.

Deafen your mind
with a single song
until your thoughts
are no longer muted.

Breathe
deep breaths
exhale slowly
it doesn't help
no
not anymore.

Silently cry out
for someone
anyone
no
there's no one.

Entwined by
your emotions
ensnared by
recurring thoughts.

Trapped by
your regret.
Your health
and brain
scream
to move on,
but your heart
just can't yet.

Soft little reminders
cascading onto my hair
reminding me of Us
and how we lost Us.

Like two snowflakes
we were too different.

Soft little reminders
making my skin tingle
remding me of Us.
Reminding me
how cold it is


to be alone.


Like two snowflakes

we drifted apart.

There are often times when I wish
my brain was technologic
and organic distractions like
unyielding emotions
and cringe worthy memories
could be downloaded
onto separate storage
could be removed
detached in entirety
and intentionally misplaced.

Your sly crooked smile
your lips twitching
asking
for a kiss.

Your heart thumping
in my ear
as I lay on your chest.

Your glances you would sneak
just to me, just for me,
when we were with others.

Your cold fingers
relaxed and posable,
in my nervous hands.

The sound of the door,
as it closed,
that last night.

The sting of finality,
restricting my lungs,
collapsing my throat.

The tears streaking
my numb face.
My first hollow, shaking breath.

My memories. Our memories.
That I am dying, just dying,
to forget.

Eyelash wishes,
a crazy wish,
a foolish hope,
a far-fetched dream.

Eyelash wishes,
caught on your finger,
pondered and yearned for,
then with cautious breath,
set free.