The world only loves my words when they're pleading.
The world only loves a poet that is bleeding
passionately writing with crimson spattered abandon.
Adoration is showered upon the poet that is falling
deeper sinking into sorrows and self induced agony.
I'm just a writer that has fallen
and though my wings are quite frail I'm still crawling
to try and reach a better place, a better state again.
I'd rather let the ink do the bleeding and find a friend.
To put a breeze under my feathers
and make me smile and laugh again.
Than subject myself to memory laced emotional tortures
for the sake of art and to draw an audience.

I'll be the silky, fine sand that
slipped through your fingers.

Oh baby it's come to this now.
I'll be your one that got away.

When you see me
your heart
will feel
so
gritty.

Oh handsome poison
how fast we're fading.
So fast that the word
"we"
no longer applies.

I fought with passion,
my fire burned true.
Smoldering ashes
were all I was given
in return from you.

For the first time in weeks
I truly felt better today.
I'm no longer missing
those minuscule pieces
that kept me distant
and made me so hollow.
I'm no longer faking
the smile that curls
and warms my lips.
I'm no longer waiting
for the apology
that will never happen.
I'm no longer wanting
what cannot be fixed
and will rust and fade.
Slowly but surely
I'm finding myself again.
As my strength mends
thorns shroud my heart.
I will not let this happen.
I will never be this weak again.

I should have left you
an oddly familiar face
an attractive stranger.

I should have left you
sitting with that smile
but curiosity won me.

I should have left you
in the past
where you belonged.

Instead I walked over
and asked your name.
Instead I fell for you
too fast
and you did the same.

Now that it's over
through the pain
I finally glimpse
the bitter truth.

You were the most handsome poison
I've ever let numb my guarded heart.

I saw you once again today
but I didn't fall apart.
I felt your gaze
pretended not to notice you
and it didn't shred my heart.

I saw you once again today
but something in me had changed.
The ashes are forming into feathers
and the feathers are sparking into flames.

Today was perfectly normal until I saw you.
Today was just fine until I had to pretend I
didn't notice you and act distracted by nothing.
I was ok until I recognized you and flinched.
My heart raced but not like it used to.
It pounded in fear instead of fluttering lightly.
I had just started to rebuild myself.
The cinders of my confidence and strength had
started to glow dimly, my assurance whispering.
In that moment they were instantly doused.
Leaving me weak and allowing my eyes
to nearly betray the ashes I have become.
I never tried to tell if you had noticed me.
Relief flooded me pathetically as you left.
I'm not proud of how cornered I had felt.
I'm broken but I need to believe I'm improving.
With ashen fingers,
empty eyes,
and shallow breaths,
I weakly pick up my pieces.
Some day I'll be whole again...
One day I'll look back at this and laugh.