maggie: Poems

-

maggie Jul 2015

-

the thought of someone elses lips against yours makes me sick to my stomach. i cannot fathom the mental torture it would put me through if i found out whos finger tips trailed your pale torso. it would tear my stability limb from limb and leave me utterly and pathetically alone. every night i set a fire in my head thinking about you. i shed unwanted tears until im physically weak. i love you more than anything in the world, this including myself. when you fall in love, i know it wont be with me.. and that destroys every cell in my body. i want nothing more than for you to be happy but i am a selfish human being and i want to be the only reason why you smile. im more than in love with you, -. its really sad and pathetic, i know. but this flame at the pit of my stomach burns for you and it will not die and that is the pathetic truth.

As Great As The Sea

maggie Mar 2013

As Great As The Sea

It's strange how,
One day I can be fine,
Then the next,
I feel like dying.

Sometimes I get really tired,
Of wearing this fake smile,
I just need to be strong,
For a little more while.

"Mom, is it normal to feel this way?
Like you're empty and worthless,
I'm always pretending,
But I'm utterly mirthless."

"Darling, why do you feel this way?
If there is anything I can do,
I will be here,
I will always love you."

"Thanks, Mom."
Is all I could say,
But what no one knew is that,
I would be dying today.

Feeling this way,
Is absolute agony,
So, I made my way,
And stepped out onto the balcony.

I was tired,
Of my own skin,
And as I leaned over the edge,
On my face grew a grin.

I closed my eyes,
Feeling as great as the sea
So, I leaned some more,
I was finally free.

fake

maggie Jul 2015

fake

I’m too comfortable with you. I can’t do this. You tore me open and figured everything out so quickly, it gave me whiplash. I don’t like it. I don’t like that you know everything about me and I know nothing about you. I feel trapped. I used to think that this is what safety felt like but I know it isn’t. I feel congested and soft and fragile and I’m not okay. You do make me happy. In fact, you’re the only thing that makes me happy and that’s really hard for me to say. It’s so sad. You may mean everything to me but I cannot let you be my world. I need to find my own world and make myself happy. I do love you.. way more than a person ever should. I could possibly love you more than myself and that scares me to a point where I cannot even think about it. It hurts. Everything hurts so much and I can’t live like this anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Oh, Mirror.

maggie Feb 2013

Oh, Mirror.

You make this reflection that causes these deranged thoughts,
Or is it these thoughts that make this deranged reflection,
I don't understand why I think like this but,
I am yearning for complete perfection.

I'm wrapped up and entangled in doubts,
Doubts that rattle my brain,
So much pain I cannot handle,
It's driving me absolutely insane.

This feeling of being suffocated,
How much longer until I can breathe?
This feeling of hopelessness,
I've went numb, can't you see?

"Mom, why am I like this?
Why can't I be happy with who I am?
I am drowning in my own pool of thoughts.
And no one seems to give a ****."

"Baby girl, you are beautiful,
Every inch of you is perfect,
Listen to your mommy,
Give yourself some respect."

"Then why don't I feel beautiful?
Is there something wrong with me?
I'm tired of this,
I just want to be free."

I'm slowly giving up,
I feel so alone,
No one understands me,
I can't do this on my own.

Bottles of pills,
That should do the trick,
I fell asleep forever,
It was nice and quick.

peach

maggie Jul 2015

peach

plush pink pouts and sunset red smirks against pasty white skin looks so good on you and i swear somewhere on you, almost creeping or lurking, hides a peachy undertone innocence that pulls me in like lips ******* smoke into tinted black lungs.

rambling

maggie Mar 2013

rambling

i remember when i was doing good for so long
and i felt like i was finally free
and i wasn't constantly having those
overwhelming dreams
that would replay like an everlasting film
reminding me of who
i used to be
but they say
good things don't last long
so here i am again trying to be strong
it's like this eerie boundless pattern
that wraps me up and inhales me
then spits me out like ****
and all i want is to be free
and not have to worry about anything
but they say
that would be too easy
why can't they just say
that they love me

I don't know if I'm going to keep this on here, I just felt like writing something that was bothering me.

Silence

maggie Feb 2013

Silence

Was her loudest cry,
She wish she were never alive.
All she wanted was love,
But instead there was blood.
Her mind against her body,
She thought it's too late to stop me.
Sharp objects and weak skin,
Oh, that sweet pulsing crimson.

Untitled

maggie Nov 2013

Untitled

I was never happy
The events of the day
Distracted me just enough
Until quiet evenings
And black abysses surrounded me
And that then
And only then
Is when it all kicked in

Vodka

maggie Apr 2013

*****

I spent my whole life,
Pushing people like you away,
And I spent my whole life putting pieces of my heart back together.
Stitching up and sealing everything in.

So, I wouldn't feel my insides travel up to my throat,
Creating a lump so big I couldn't breathe.
So, I wouldn't have tears blur my vision before I go to bed,
And so I wouldn't feel the emptiness in my arms,
And the pounding in my head.

But I guess,
I didn't do a very good job,
Because you, and only you,
Happened to find a place,
So deep in my heart,
That I didn't entirely close up.

And now,
You are ***** to me,
And I am drinking in every ounce of you,
And I can't get enough.

And as your eyes,
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Rapidly spread and run throughout my veins,
I feel at bliss,
And I want more.

But I am not ***** to you,
Like you are to me.

My eyes,
My smile,
My laugh,
Don't run throughout your veins,
Like you do mine.

I want to be the cause of,
The blood pusling fast throughout your veins,
And the skipping beats in your heart,
And the hot rush in your cheeks as you get nervous.

I want to be the cause of,
The curves in your smile,
And the tightness in your hugs,
And the glistening in your eyes.

But I am not ***** to you,
I will never be drunk to my last ounce,
I will never swim through your veins.

I will be an unopened bottle,
Resting and waiting in your cabinet,
Until my expiration date slowly nears.

— The End —