Guilt overrides happiness.
Only in some circumstances.

                                 Like being strange... An outcast...
And dragging a lover into the light with you.

                                 He is labeled just as I am, now.

My brain thinks.
My heart beats.
My limbs move.
My mouth speaks.

I want it to stop.
Or I want my brain to stop.
Or I want my heart to stop.
Or I want my body to stop.
Or any combination.

I'm alive, currently.
But I don't want to be.
Help...
*I'm Alive.

The usual plain ignorance has been replaced
With this stupid reality.
We wonder why so much is not achievable,
But they cause their own soul's paralysis.
I've heard so many complaints
Of feeling frozen,
Stuck.
If we could only see...

In the dark, reading by light.
I look away from the performance on the page
Just as thunder strikes.
The beat of my heart stops.

The light flashes from outside my window
And I am alive again.

I stand and see,
Draw my shades,
And sleep.
Forever.

Just a piece of metal,
Just a little slice.
One of these simple things
Will cause eternal night.
Why do I wish for this,
Or at least think  I do,
When all this time
I've had you?

"Bang!!!" Its gone.
This forever hell.
Bless the world
For making me well.
Although it took longer,
I am still in debt
To the one who decided
To give me this test.

Poets never die.
Never stop writing,creating, inspiring.

Poets don't fall...

We sleep.
And wait.
Wait
To be remembered,
And rewritten.

Recreated and

*Reborn

I can see it all.
The eyes show me.
The lives, emotions, pains and pleasures
Of others.
They are all painted in landscapes.
Forests: light or dark.
Rivers: murky or clear.
Skies: colorful or colorless.
Every shade
Every swirl
Tells a story.
Every flicker in your eyes tell me,
Show me,
The beauty of your mind.

I think I should leave this page blank.
I wanted to write something for you,
But all of the lovey-dove-y romance-y stuff
Has been taken.

I wouldn't have been able to say it all anyway...
Maybe just a portion.

Now, though, I realize
I could never put it into words.

It's an addiction
It can't be understood
In its exterior it is simplistic
In its interior it is complex

It is something that can't be understood
By those outside it
Because they don't know the highs
Or where it does take you
All those outside it can only see
Just how it will break you

But they can't see
They can't see how good it feels
The stages are easy to know
When you can follow me

Stage 1: The first date
Always the best part
The nerves
The preparation
The mystery
The first time that I touch her hand
A rush
I feel high again

Stage 2: The first kiss
Always a favorite
Because I mastered it
I take her to the perfect place
She loves it
An overlook
A stream
Nature surrounding
The kiss happens
It's perfect to her
She loves it
As do I
I feel that rush again

Stage 3: The convincing
The dating
The kissing
The sensations
All are easy to see why it's sensational
The feeling of her skin against mine
The listening to her perfect breath move her chest
In and out
In and out
I tell her I love her
She isn't sure at first
But I try harder
As we continue
And I succeed
I feel the euphoria coming in

Step 4: The love
That comfort
That security
That feeling of serenity
It cloaks me
Wraps me around
Its sky blue blanket
And lays me in
A green field
She's there too
Next to me
Feeling the same earth
Beneath us
I turn to her
Eyes whatever color
It nonetheless dazzles me
It fills me with something dangerous
Hope
That rush is gliding me through

Stage 5: The loss
Parents get in the way
She loses that feeling
I'm a *******
But either way
That feeling
That was once with her
Is gone
She walks the thin line
Performing a balancing act
Trying to find reason to be together but can't
She calls me up on the phone
Tells me how everything is wrong
I don't see it
I can't see it
Our love was perfect!
We both made it!
And now you're killing it!
We meet up
I beg but she's stands her ground
She walks up
Leaves
I'm alone
Left to sob
Yell
Get angry
That adrenaline rush from the high rises

Stage 6: The hate
The pacing
The change of thoughts
I still love her one day
I despise her the next
I feel anxiety kick in
Try my best to hold it
But can't
I call her up
Yell at her
Scream at her
Tell her that
She threw something great away
She hangs up
Blocks me
Never speaks to me again
I still keep pacing
Feeling more often guilty
Than angry
ineverwantedtohurtyoualliwantedtodowassaveyoufromanyoneelse­iknowthatisaidiwantedyoutosufferbutthatsnnottrueatalliddoanything­
Sometimes I still feel that hope
But it's fading
Fades fast
It's all over

My high is going down
I need to go back
And cook some more

She moves on quickly
I got her addicted too
She feels that addiction too
It draws us both in
And we can't imagine
What it would be like to leave
It is the cycle
That helps make us
And the cycle
That can break us