its been almost 3 months
since we last spoke
i miss you everyday.

you hurt me
you broke me
you tore my life to pieces
but i cant get you out of my head

i loved you so much

i still do

i would do anything to be with you
even though you lied
and cheated
and broke me like nothing before

i feel like i need you
you were the one for me
what if i never love someone again
like i loved you.

didn’t expect it to hurt this bad
but betrayal cuts deep.

deeper than you would think
like a knife slowly digging its way
into your heart

i know why it’s called heartbreak
because it psychically hurts
my heart feels beat up
and my body on fire

death seems like an answer
even if it’s extreme
but why should this be the end
what have i done?
why did this happen?
why did i deserve this?

i’m just another one
a dumb teen
in a whole world of people

no one sees me
i’m just another person
who cares

i don’t know how i feel
whether i want to try
or just give up

i try to be careless
reckless
but reality pulls me back in

i cant help myself
my endorphins swaying in the wind

it’s a cry for help
but no ones listening
because i’m not trying
to be heard

i don’t know why i do this to myself
late at night
contemplating my existence
hoping to sustain myself
with substances
hoping to fill the whole in me
that eats me alive

hoping that life will give me more
even though it won’t
convincing myself that nothing matters
ill be gone in a few decades anyway

is it right
to drown my sorrows
with drugs
and hope that
i can reach
a new level of pain

it’s getting blurry

somethings coming up
through my body
shaking my lungs
i can’t tell if i like it
a feeling
distress
insanity
nausea

somethings coming down
moving my lips for me
drawing pictures in my stomach
i want to close my eyes
and see what happens


if i stay
if i go
if i cry
if i know

something turns into a feeling
how do you describe a feeling?

you can’t.

why does it happen to me
i look around and everyone else is normal
happy

so why do i have a pit in my stomach

why is the world out for me
thats what it feels like sometimes

nothing feels right
everything feels dull

why cant i be one of those people
who isn't tormented by their demons
who has a normal life

why do i have to be a person
who doesnt want to live sometimes

why.

it wasnt always hard
it used to be easy

she blames me
i know its not my fault

it gets harder everyday
the struggle to be me
hindered by my mother

i try to break free
i am stuck

i close my eyes
shes telling me im wrong
im stupid
im worthess

is this a mothers worth?