things seem to lose their meaning after a while
but not you
i guess i lied
in the letter i wrote you
maybe i can't
push my feelings aside
it's easier when you're absent
because then i forget
but when you come back
the progress i had made
gets thrown away
the rewind button gets pressed
and i can tell you're not impressed
because who am i anyways?

normally i'd expect
a
"hello"
or a
"how are you doing?"
but from you
i have learned even that
is too much
some people you just have to learn
not to expect
anything from
because your expectations
will only lead to                  disappointment
there's no need to be disappointed
if you expect
nothing
so i have given up on you
don't feel the need to apologize,
i don't expect much
especially
from
**someone like you

i can't tell if you're gone for good this time
or just testing my patience
that's how it is with you
you give me just enough to want to hold on to
but not enough to actually hold
all i have is shreds of the paper in your binding
enough to piece together some things
but not enough to tell the full story
they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
they are wrong.

i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he has not met his
thousands of miles away and yet
by his words alone
i am sure
and my soul mate is not the man i claim to love
he is a stranger
walking down foreign streets
with scars on his heart that look similar to mine
but he only faintly knows my name
and i doubt he could pronounce it
that's the trouble with poets
they can capture your heart from miles away
behind a computer screen
i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he
has not met
his.

it would seem
that i am at war with myself
half of me wants to leave you behind
the other half knows that isn't quite right
because I don't want to be someone
who walks away too easily
i am a fighter
but half of me is defeated
say something i'm giving up on you
but i won't give up on us
who would i be if i left when
times got rough?
it just feels like i have a lot of love
and i'm not sure it's worth it
not that you're not worth it
but maybe i'm not
not worth
a second
of your time.

weird
is looking at someone you've know your whole life
and realizing that they are a stranger
hurt
is realizing that maybe they didn't want you to know them
confused
is wondering how easily the person you knew was replaced
curious
is wanting to know who this new person is

I still wonder at the beauty of my sister
and the flocks she will draw at 16
piles of phone numbers at her feet,
Psyche incarnate, I the strange sibling
no servant of cinders, she is exalted.
Not that I am unloved, but it is strange to see
how much the contrast shows in family portraits.