I felt the fury rippling inside

Trying to contain it was like holding back the tide

To unleash the wrath, the fury, the power,

to see my enemies beg on their knees and cower

I wanted it more than anything

No, right now I wanted it more than everything

I was tired of bottling it up

Tired of acting and playing the grown-up

I was through with being “mature”

Being myself I would much rather prefer

Than putting on a show

And trying to be someone I don’t know

If I added just one more thing to my load

I was sure I was going to explode

Nothing could stop me- I was going to blow

And I didn’t care what the destruction would look like tomorrow

See the boys flock around her

the winning smile, the sunlit hair

Shouldn't I be envious

Treated like a goddess

true beauty from above

Aren't I envious

Dreamy face

perfect body

I should be envious

And I'm not

For I'd rather live my entire life as a distant illuminating flicker

than to glow like a thousand stars for a moment

and burn out the wick

It’s like peeling back the curtains

It’s like dusting off an old trophy

It’s like opening a sealed trunk

You’re pulling at the very fabric of my existence

And I like being discovered

Especially by you

And then I wonder if it is meant to be

If you’ll like me when that’s all there is

The curtains drawn

No mystery

No suspense

Just

Plain

Unchanging

Old

All my secrets told

Nothing else to see

Plain Old Me

And I can’t allow that

So I shut up

Like slamming close a book

Like a rubber band snapping in place

To back before

When you didn’t know me

When you didn’t care to know me

When I couldn’t get hurt

Safe in dull ignorance

A door- less enclosed space

And windows to taunt

Force me to see what could have been

Trapped in my own security

Willingly enchained

And yet longing for what I gave up

Trapped in an internal circle

of misery

Is that what love is?

A choice between two awful extremes

Forced to pick my poison

And somehow through all the heartbreaks and heartaches

I choose love every time

I’m too short

No I’m too tall

My nose is too wide

My eyes are too small

My cheekbones are too high

My lips are too thin

Yet it’s not about looks

It’s what’s within?

Well I don’t believe that

I’m not stupid

If I looked differently

I wouldn’t need Cupid

Alas you only can realize

That I look remotely cute

Is right before I dive

In my swimsuit

But even then

You want it all

And my forehead’s much too high

And my eyes too small

When the rain’s pourin’ down and you’re soaking wet

I’ll be there with an umbrella

When everyone close deserts you

I’ll be there by your side

When you’re inside a burning building

I’ll be there with a garden hose

When you feel the mountain crumbling at your feet

I’ll be there with a bridge

When you’re lost

I’ll be there with a map

And when all else fails

I’ll be there with a llama