you are ****** hands
i know you tried to **** the sadness
you hurt because you've been hurt
i don't blame you
what if i said i want to know what keeps you up at night
i could write about how your eyes cause me to blush when i catch you staring
or how you let me find a home within your lungs
this love is desperate
we are trying to fix each other
everyone knows two sad people can't survive together
but you are ****** hands
and the blood is mine

we dream of each other but we don't tell one another
you tried to **** the sadness in me
i think that's why we get along
i don't understand why you're doing this
you're something from my past that i can't quite get rid of
i cling to this because you remind me of when i was good
i like to think of the beginning
it was warm and i've yet to feel it again
we never grow old in my dreams
and we are happy
your eyes do something that make me think you can see us in past lives
in my dreams, you tell me stories
and you draw on the palms of my hands
you make your way into everything i am
and i didn't ask for this
in my favorite dream you're smiling and we never break each others’ hearts for the art
but the truth is, i’ll always be sad
and you don't tell me about your dreams because it would only make it true

it had been a long enough month
my friends and i were in a daze
you could almost grab at the happiness floating around in the car
parked in front of my friend's house
we sang along to this song that had ended up meaning more than expected
but it had more to do with the band
we left my friend's house
on the drive home, at midnight
i easily pulled over and the lights from the gas station illuminated the inside of my car
this is something that doesn't happen
there was something in the air that night
it was made of dreams and nostalgia

poet to poet, let me help you
i understand your messy heart
i know you tend to live in your head
maybe i make this harder for you
i save all of your phrases in my pocket and i pull them out when i feel alone
you don't do the same
your comfort isn't as familiar anymore
but poet, let me be your poem

this massive world wide web brought me closer to you
my love reached you through the screen
i've grown familiar to you
and you've grown comfortable
a spinning of ideas
i can't touch you
but i feel you
i fell in love with the way your eyes look like behind the screen
your sleepy eyes
you'd rather lose sleep than lose me
it's a new kind of love
a fragment of a connection
where we fall in love through a computer screen

a postcard to my biggest fear:

do you remember when we used to fall asleep talking to each other? i didn't need solace from the broken down walls of my body. but the ocean was calling you home and she told you not to look back. i swam for what seemed like days to find proof of your existence. everyone who knew me thought my swollen heart had to do with the saltwater running in my veins.

wish you were here,

me

sneak into my room
and crawl into my bed
you are tired
and i don't want to be alone
in the morning
we will leave in your car
you drive
while i look at you from the passenger seat
you like when i take photos of you
but i'd rather write about you
remember that parking lot behind the abandoned convenience store

i left home without telling my friends
they don't get it
you're always tired
and i have to fend for myself

i open the glove compartment of your car
a stack of photos
poems are written on the back
you remember the parking lot promise
the last photo is of that night before we left
with only a caption
"i don't want to let you down"

you let me in at 3am that night
i latched onto your mind
and you tried to smooth my edges
maybe we like to pretend it isn't real
nothing is real in the darkness
we fall asleep
and wake up in the morning
with only a terrifying memory
i wonder if you regret it
but i look forward to midnight
it's the time you're alive
i'm not afraid
until i remember it won't be the same when we wake up
this is the secret we keep
i want to tell everyone about you
but you tell me
"we only exist after midnight"

you are a dream
when it's dark and quiet
and i'm supposed to be sleeping
i hear you
but i can't sleep
what if i told you that that night i heard your heartbeat
you took something from me
i don't want it back
you are smart
but you are broken
i can see it in this light
it's almost like you speak in songs
i'll never tire of listening to you
your words bruise my heart
but it doesn't hurt
you are truth
and it scares me
i'd be willing to give you my heart
you just have to say that it's enough
you are not a dream
but a person
and your mind is what i want to know
you are a person
and it scares me how much i feel all of this