I'm afraid to speak.
Opinion or objection,
They will never be taken into consideration.
So I sit or stand and listen and watch in
silence.

You have made me this way.
I blame myself.
It hangs on my shoulders,
pulling me down.

Sorry for being scared,
'a wuss' or 'a baby'.
But you made me this way.
My confidence has gone

It's been crushed
Stubbed out like a dwindling fire.
No life inside.
I'm sorry. I'll try, I'll be brave.

The voice starts to come
But
so does the panic.
The temperature rises and the pounding begins.
Banging at my chest.
My knees go weak and my hands start to shake,
But I tell myself
'I'll be okay.'

They crowd my mind.
They don't go away.
Staying there forever.
'Please, PLEASE!' I pray.

My mouth can't move.
My eyes fill up.
When someone asks 'What's wrong?'
The mind screams  - 'I'VE HAD ENOUGH!'

Yet, I sit in silence.
No words come out.
I clam up
And my heart starts to pound...

Like a horse running as fast as it can
or a train or a bus or a car
Hurtling down the highway,
Or like a fox being chased and the panic that ensues.

The panic, The beats, The pulses -
They pound in my head
And then it plummets like a bundle of lead,
Clattering against my ribs and landing in my stomach.

'Nothing', I say
'I'm fine', I say
'Okay,' they say and walk away.
Alone again and the tears roll out.
No barriers.
No dams.
Just rivers of salt down a stained face.