I've been in love with you since I was born.
Did you see my life?
Did you watch it?
The emotions, upsurges like tidal waves and frightening deep dark oceans,
Turning calm and warm and blue when you are in front of me
And I see you - your face.
But in my times when I am alone,
And contemplations of love grasp and hold my mind,
Because that is what happens in the unmarked hours we are apart,
The oceans of emotions and love for you are tidal waves and deep abysses that have existed since the beginning of time,
Because I have been in love with you since I was born.

He loved me but he didn't know how,
Really.
In pockets maybe...
Pockets full of old emotions and old memories,
The kind you live in and exist in as if they are still real and current.
He loved me -
But he loved me like jet-lag.
Like an old childhood that he dreamed up because it was one he wanted,
One he longed for.
He loves me.
He loves me because it is all he has left.
All he has left after years of living an unsatisfied life of dreams un-followed, and chains that bind him to responsibilities that pulled him from the surreal realities that pulled and played and made life easier in his mind.
But he is loved,
And I love him because I want to.

Simplify me.
You simplified me.
Cut me down and broke me.
Broke me.
Put me in that meek and humble palace.
That palace on the dirt road.
You knew to starve me.
Went out searching
And brought me back.
Brought me back
To the bread with no butter,
To the cold and simple porridge,
To the meekest meal and fed me.
You brought me back
And fed me,
Starved me,
Broke me,
You simplified me.

Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
You expose me.
You expose the world.
You expose men.
You expose women.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
You feed me.
My spirit,
My mind,
My heart,
My soul.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
I remember the day I could not find you and thought I lost you to the river.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
I remember the day you told me you called the heavens down and surrounded yourself with spirits.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
I remember the day the mountains took you and my gladness in sharing you with them.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
I remember the phone call in the night.
Your fear,
My fear,
Your disappointment,
My failures.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
Fire,
Fight,
Spirit,
Magic,
Compassion,
Empathy,
Intelligen­ce,
Curves,
Beauty,
And power.
Girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
Keep changing the world.
My girl with the red hair and the remarkable mind:
My love.
Expose me.
Forgive me.

For my fellow woman I cringe.
I cringe every time we have a conversation about how white our teeth are...or should be.
I cringe every time we talk about
Our hair,
How soft,
How long,
How short,
How healthy,
How bout how it falls out because I'm starving myself or on some God-forsaken supplement that is nearly killing me.
How bout how it breaks because I **** it wanting it to be
Blonder,
Straighter,
Better.
For the fellow woman I cringe every time we talk about our weight.
Our freaking weight.
My weight.
My **** weight.
My **** exhausted mind.
My **** exhausted body.
.....tired.
TIRED.
Tired of keeping up.
For my fellow woman I cringe,
Because I walked on the treadmill like a **** robot while my body begged for rest.
For my fellow woman I cringe,
Because we play the game.
For my fellow woman I cringe,
Because my young boy asked if I ever considered that my body may be happy just as it is.
My fellow woman,
Consider.

I love my soft body,
Did you know?
My curves, my soft belly.
I love my soft body,
Did you know?
But I still have my doubts.
I am riddled and strangled with insecurities.
Like when you see me walking across the parking lot and you think, she is a pretty woman,
But did you notice me adjust my shirt a million times before I reached my car, in an attempt to bring attention away from my waist?
And did you notice that every time I sit down I hold something in my lap to block your view of my imperfect waistline?
Did you notice?
And did you see me crop the photo taken with my daughter so it would only show an image from the neck up, because I want you all to still believe that I am pretty, but only from the neck up.
I love my soft body,
Did you know?
That I am exhausted.
I am tired.
That my greatest desire is to see me,
As you see me.
I want to know.
Did you know?

It is a sunny day on the inside.
In my inner realization on this morning I feel those bright rays warm me from the inside out.
I know you all must see it,
When I walk by you,
I must be glowing,
Can you see my light?
A complete and utter inner joy of the realization of the great love from above,
Combined and mixed and stirred up with my very own inner realization
Of my discovered love for the one
That has infected,
Fevered,
Spread,
And blown up in my body,
My brain,
My very molecules
And set me a-glow.
Can you see my light when I pass you by?

Sometimes I feel these drips from my heart.
If you can picture it.
As if something or someone has a good strong hold on it and clenches it,
My heart,
But in a good way,
I think anyway.
And the tendrils and the drops begin to melt down from its very bottom,
Exposing and revealing the very nature of the true thing,
To me,
To me only,
I think.
I feel it though.
Like a real and tangible thing, that if you were to look at me you would say,
Oh, see her,
Yes, her heart is dripping,
And you would say it because of your memory of when your heart dripped too.

Gentle Soul,
I will meet you at the end.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you where the waterfall reaches the river.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you where I saw the sun reach out and touch the shadows.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you and the end,
At the end of the ethereal threads that connect us and show gently in the dark.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you where the mountain meets the fog.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you at the end of the climb and at the end of the road.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you in that place where you feel my mind and sense my presence.
Gentle Soul,
I will meet you where the side walk ends.

I am the ever sufferer.
It's stupid, isn't it?
Especially when I have seen the depths of other sorrow & suffering.
But not tonight.
Tonight I relish in drinking,
In eating,
And loving,
And hating,
And ******* up to,
And becoming the ever sufferer.
Put a stamp on my head.
Put a brand on my body.
Put a chip in my arm and coin me,
Publish me,
Feel me,
Hear me,
Be me.
The ever sufferer.