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A module of perfection;
With douftfullness unknown.
The awe-inspiring actress,
I envy in my heart.
Abundant in the arts;
More cleverly than I.
I long to one day be you,
In beauty, soul, and mind.





Dedicated to the one who brought me here.
You romantic.
 Jun 2013 Esmé van Aerden
Dre G
in the tropical blanket
when the forest whispered
the first letter of your soul
you held a soft stone
to the empty ***** of earth
and chiseled pieces off
its skin to the beat of
the cracking rain pulse.

in the thick of moon milk
when my hips shouted
the number of your pack,
we burned the guts
of a fattened pine
and watched its tears and blackness
escape with howling fury
into the crystal shards of wind.

somewhere in the plasma
where you had scratched eyes out of
trembling waves
where you hid the drops of saturn
that otherwise would have collected
on the surface of your dreams,
an eagle laid her eggs
and dusted them with starlight.
 Jun 2013 Esmé van Aerden
Teigh
I fell for a boy.

with hair long and eyes blue

And he never knew

   the hold he had on me

even when I told him this truth

I fell for a boy.

who told me my god was not real

and left me questioning

what to feel

I fell for a boy.

who left me in tears

He hurt me like hell

Sobs he would never hear

I fell for a boy.

who cut his hair later that year

But I still whisper “you’re beautiful”

soft enough he cannot hear

I fell for a boy.

who has a soul

instead of a heart

but there’s a hole,

where that heart once was

I fell for a boy.

who’s my best friend

who loses my number

and likes my female companion

I fell for a boy.

who I would give the world

but from him

I still receive scorn

I fell for a boy

who has feelings he never shows

and knows not

how much I know

I fell for a boy.

who hates poetry and deep things

and I know he doesn’t care

for that part of me

I fell for a boy.

who leaves me feeling confused

yet I have not the courage

to express to him this abuse
 Jun 2013 Esmé van Aerden
Leira
I’m not sure if you remember
The crowds, actions
Or even the stars…or anything for that matter
We haven’t talked in over four years
And here you are in this brilliant white room
In that blue gown
Tubes hooked up this way and that
With dripping fluid flowing down
The machines giving off that annoying ring
You in some state of sleep
Maybe not to wake
I stand taking in your appearance
For the first time in a while
The last time I saw you
You mixed and blended in
But your eyes found mine
For the briefest time
Taking a deep breath, I clear my head
Walk over
Sit down and really begin
The doctors say all these words, phrases
And I pick up on a few
The key ones at least
We don’t know….
He might not….
His condition is….
Vitals show….
Results came in….
And then there was this one word
That seeped in above the rest
Stable
I think there was a for now in there too
But once I heard that word
I didn't hear much else after that
And I don’t know why I came
I don’t know what to say
My mind is so blank
The words gone
My eyes train on your face
Rough and bruised
Wrapped and bandaged
Okay, um, I think….
I think should stop thinking
It’s becoming really troubling
I want to tell you something
And it’s horrible that you’re in this condition
But I don’t think I could tell you any other way
Because if I saw your eyes
Looking at me in that way
That way that makes me forget everything…..
Okay….you…..you
You gave me something
And took away something
Without knowing it
You probably don’t ever think about this
But I do
We were at this game
It was so crowded
So many people
Cheering and shouting
And disbelief and relief and excitement
Flooded through the stadium
Everyone was so into the game
There came this small moment
Where we must have glanced at each other
But we locked eyes
And before I knew what was happening
You reached over and tucked a stray piece of my hair
Behind my ear
You’re excuse was adorable
You said, you had a curl
What was even better
There was someone sitting between us

But that night afterwards under stars
Clearing and heading out
A part of us changed
We had this secret almost
That no one knew about
But it was ours
Even we didn't understand it
We were young but it was there
An intense feeling
At least on my end
After years sometimes I still feel it
Unexpected
You took that from me
A part of me
In that year
You took a piece of me
You made me feel
Feelings, sensations unaccustomed to
You still do, even after all this time
But I gave it to you unknowingly so
I wish you knew
I wish you could understand
Right now, the implication of what I’m trying to say
To tell you
Why I came, because I do know
I deny myself knowing
Because it is too much
But I had to tell you
At least once
I know you might not wake anytime soon
But I hope that you do
Because I would want to tell you again
Even if you don’t remember the next day
Or hour or minute after I’m done
The fact that you heard it
Understood it for the briefest time
Is enough
For me, it’s enough
So yeah, I think that’s it
I’ll come back though
……yeah……I’ll come back
I rise up, unsteady and almost baffled
But I lean over and place a kiss on your forehead
Then I remember one more thing I wanted to say
So I whisper in your ear
Those three words
That I've waited so long to say
That I've endured for so long
And then I back away
And leave
But I’ll come back
Yeah, I’ll come back
Something very personal
 Jun 2013 Esmé van Aerden
robin
he only wants you in the way that means
he can wrap himself around you like a cocoon to help you
change you'll be
a butterfly
something different from what you are which is
flawed so flawed i don't want to touch you don't want
to talk to you just
write poems about the way your hands fist in the pockets of your jacket
i hope you'll go with him because
no matter how many poems i write about the way you
hurt and hate and hope in helpless hollows i know
it'll still burn
like a rope you tried to catch when you fell but
it just caught the skin of your palms
[please don't ever open my notebook you
look at it sometimes when i'm writing i
don't ever want you to see the way
i romanticize
your pain it's not
beautiful or poetic it's just sad
i wish you were happy but i just keep
writing poems about
your misery
and when you surface when you emerge from your cocoon i will
write odes dedicated to the selfishness
that would keep you hurting so i could
feel something when i look at you]
he only wants you in the way that
stitches want an open wound and
i know you want to be mended but no,
no,
nobody can fix you but you and they,
they will try but just
stitch embroidery
into your back
you are the seamstress and the shredded quilt:
you can stitch yourself together you just need to find the thread
and love is no substitute
for a sharp needle.
don't unclench your fists for
any lover who promises to
fix you
don't shotgun old wounds like thick smoke
if they promise anything more
than to hold them
in their
lungs
until the pain eases
just a little.
he will cocoon you
and let you out confused
and hurt
and hating yourself because you didn't change
you are
not
a butterfly
you will not wake up beautiful:
just learn to be full because the end of the word
is all that matters
and the last words of a relationship
are the most honest.

when you stitch yourself together
i will wear the rope that caught your palms like
a silk collar
pour your perfume like lighter fluid
and burn my notebook
and hope that no one writes ballads
to your clenching fists
again
On a dull day...
With the sun hidden behind dark shrouds,
his light unable to find a way
through the rain-laden clouds,

As I lay on the bed,
staring out through my window,
Into bright alleys my memory led
my wearied gaze which that dreary picture does endow.

I was walking down the street,
on a pleasant Winter morning.
And quick did trod my feet,
For,for one special company was my heart yearning.

I came to the Fountain,
For me,a dear site.
A place I would dream of,time and again,
till my eyes can see no more the light.

As I came nearer to the place,
I descried my friend,waving at me
to come,with a smile on his face,
to where became friends we.

We talked and talked,
On and on and on,
even of the grass on which we walked.
The end of the dialogue was never anon.

The Fountain would find us there,
on a serene Summer even.
Having escaped from the sun's glare,
lying on the grass and gazing up at the heaven.

On a Rainy afternoon,
he would welcome us with an 'overflowing' joy.
He would leap and fall,gay as a goon,
And would drown us twain with this playful ploy.

We grew,
and with us grew our friendship.
The Time with his webs drew,
our hearts into brotherly companionship...

Then came a day of Spring.
And at the fountain were we yet again.
With the gurgling sound the glade did ring,
but numb were our souls with pain.

The time came for us to part,
to pursue each,his own dream.
We were afraid lest we be torn apart,
tossed by Life's fateful stream.

We vowed never to forget,one the other.
And carved our names on the heart of our weeping 'friend'.
With a heavy heart I embraced my brother
and we walked away,hoping our paths would again together blend...

A clap of thunder,
startled me into the present.
Hoping for another clap to rent the grief asunder,
got up and to the window I went.

I saw a downpour,which promised not soon to wane,
fall out of skies bleak.
Saw drops of water trickling down the window pane,
Felt the tears running down my cheek...

A beautiful Autumn day with a tranquil breeze,
found the Fountain,silent and lonesome now,
waiting for his friends without cease,
preserving the carvings in his heart with love...

Unknown to his friends,the second of the twain
is where one could never weep.
The friends do wait in vain,
for,blanketed is he,from mortal pain,by the golden flowers,warming him in his last sleep...
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