Sometimes you meet someone
who just seems to click.

I met that boy,
at a concert of all places.
He made me feel beautiful
and full of vibrant life.

Today we met up for coffee,
and he told me we weren't "working."
My vibrancies have vanished,
the butterflies
I wish we could have shared
through intimate exchanges
have escaped,
unplanned.

*I am numb

I'm secretly
            and inevitably
in complete
   and utter

  head over heels
in love
     with you.

But you will never know,
  for you are miles from me,
and with another girl,
who,
          I pray,
  will love you just as much as I will;

forever and a day.

i wish these oceans of blankets
could be replaced by you.
instead of tracing flowers,
i would connect your "sun-kisses,"
as my mum would say,
and lead them up to your heart,
then your lips,
lingering as you inhale my love,
burrowing deep inside your lungs.

maybe if you were there
to replace those drowned blankets,
maybe
maybe your shattered chest
would still rise and
fall
to the cadence
of my bruised lungs.

I prayed for the first time in many moons yesterday.
Hurt and anger seemed to choke my heart,
and its poisonous vines crept to my brain,
s l o w l y
making the world around me turn
so everything I knew and grew to love,
vanished.
The time,
I thought,
had come.

I prayed for the first time in many moons yesterday.
Sick of living the way I was,
I pleaded for a change.
Regretting straying away from Faith,
lying vulnerably on my bed,
I pleaded with God to forgive me.
The suicidal thoughts and depression
had gone too far.
Devilish thoughts consumed me,
and I needed to feel whole again as I once did.

I prayed for the first time in many moons yesterday.
Feeling compelled, I opened my Bible.
Psalm 140-143, each segment in my Bible entitled
to everything I prayed for.
A Prayer for Protection
A Prayer not to Sin
A Prayer for Safety
A Prayer not to be Killed
God answered me.
Again, I was drawn to my radio.
The first words I hear upon switching
to what I considered a "dumb contemporary Christian" station;

"I'm forgiven."

As a child my mother would read stories
as I hung around her neck,
and she would stroke my hair,
lulling me to sleep
with visions of two lovers
overcoming their inner demons.
In the end, they'd live happily ever after.
    
    As an adult now,
    I bear this in mind.
    My lover and I both battle inner demons
    But his author strays,
    unlike mine,
    leading him to far-off lands,
    diving into waters so deep. . ...
    I thought we would live happily ever after,
    
    But his mind is a different story