rufus

rufus Jan 2015

Oh.

i have been living
with the thought that
i have already made myself happy
i have already seen the end
of all those nights in depression,
those days of darkness
but i guess,
it's true what they say,
that love is for the weak people
who needs someone
so they could live.

now i think
i never really ran away
from all the lows of my past
they are still here
and they haunt me
by means of you.

i just realized that
on that same night,
when she gave up on me,
i gave up on myself too.

and that just hurts a lot.

rufus Jan 2015

-

So what happens when we get back?

I guess we try to forget

**I don't want to forget.

rufus Dec 2014

Does It Matter If "He" Is Not The Same As "You"

He cheers me up,
he makes me happy
and when you're not here,
he tells me he loves me.

*He loves me.
He loves me a lot.
He loves me.
He loves me even more.

You're clearly tipsy.

rufus Dec 2014

31st - A Cold Winter Night

I remember thinking
how hard could it be?
It could be reckless
It could be magical
It could be mischievous
It could be lyrical
But whatever happens in a day,
doesn't stay in a day.
It goes on forever,
bad or good,
the memories stay with me.
Anyone around me
could easily learn
how to vaporize those thoughts
and move on,
maybe even forget.
Apart from me.
I never do.

I remember saying
maybe this is it.
This is the one for me.
Until reality hits me;
whether I am 12, 14 or 30,
I will find someone
who will light a fire in me,
but they cannot burn forever.
You see, somehow,
I still believe in that word -
Forever.
I still hope for that flawless spark.

What a flabbergast, huh?
That I am, once again,
alone tonight.

If you think you have been good, then you deserve the best. Have a splendid new year, everyone.

rufus Dec 2014

"Cuts"

Upload a picture
of how you slit yourself!
Yes,
that's wonderful!
It would make them notice you.
Great, right?!
It would make people
repost and spread
the picture of your ******* bleeding wrist,
the picture of you almost dying.
Looks quite weakening to some,
but it would inspire a lot,
REALLY.

What now?
You think it's fun?
The attention?
You like the pity they give you?
Does that make you strong?
Do they make you stop?
You think it's cool?
Are you in the Sad Girls Club now?
That's just rad.

You think you don't have friends anymore, huh?
No family,
no loved ones at all?
What am I to you, anyway?
Let me tell you this:
you wouldn't find the ones who care
on some ******* website.
Get out of that ****** house
and knock on mine.

I hate you for doing this.

rufus Dec 2014

Alison

I feel so distant from you
I used to be wherever you go
Now we can't even get each other
I'm sorry.